In Which Lame Blogger Is Lame

First, the "Lame Blogger Apologizes For Being Lame By Not Updating" portion of today's post - sorry, y'all. I wish I could say I've been too busy to blog, but the truth is that I just haven't felt up to it lately. I haven't felt up to much at all, really. I haven't been sick with the flu or anything, but it's been one thing on top of or after another keeping me down. The SAD and allergies I wrote about last time, hormonal wackiness, insomnia and other disordered sleepy-time fun, and inadvertently ingesting things that didn't want to leave my stomach without a fight have all added up to me spending most of my waking hours on the sofa, wrapped in an afghan and alternately staring unproductively out the window or at my laptop screen. "Bleah" pretty well sums up how I've been feeling lately.

Unfortunately (or thankfully, all things considered), business has been pretty slow the last couple of weeks, so I had the luxury of being able to give into the bleah-ness. I did manage to work up a few short bursts of productive energy, during which I added some Halloween and pet items to my Etsy shop, cobbled together a couple of custom backgrounds for both of my Twitter profiles, and offered the latter up as a new Task Wrangler service.

I think I'm starting to get back to normal again, finally. I realized the other day that I haven't worked out or eaten particularly healthful meals since I started feeling poorly, and that without either of those things I was going to continue to feel poorly, so as of yesterday I'm working out and eating decently healthy things again, and that's helping. I finally started drafting a formal business plan yesterday, which is helping me feel motivated on that end of things, and I got the approval I've been waiting for to start coding on a new web site I designed for a client, so that should help pull me out of this funk. I'm also feeling funky about having barely touched revisions on my novel in the last two weeks, so I'm gonna spend some time on that after I finish this post and eat some (healthy) lunch.

Aside from those things, my goal for the weekend is to shake off the rest of this funk so I can get back to my regular routine by Monday, when I intend to start posting weekly goals again. And also possibly to bake some cookies. Snickerdoodles or peanut butter, I haven't decided which.

What about you, dear reader? Is it just me, or has this change in season (and mold spore levels) thrown you for a loop as well? And which type of cookie do you prefer? Make me unreasonably happy by weighing in in the comments.

Off kilter

I've always had a difficult time finding balance in my life. When things aren't going so well, I have this tendency to withdraw into myself and neglect things and, worse, relationships. When things are going well (read: I'm not a hormonally depressive loony), it's not much better. I seem to have two gears: completely scattered, or completely focused. In the first case, I'm forgetful about all kinds of things, and pretty much a giant flake. In the second, I'm focused on the things I need to get done, and I get them done...but I forget almost everything else. It's hard enough not letting that affect my marriage; remembering to stop what I'm doing and go pay attention to my husband once in a while, or to remember to do my share of the housework, or to pay the bills on time and keep track of the weekly budget, etc. Trying to remember that I have friends, in "real life" and online, and extended family who would probably like to hear from me is a struggle, at best.

It's been worse since I lost my job, and with it my insurance. My disordered sleep is going untreated now, and I'm not getting much in the way of quality sleep, which is exacerbating my ADD. And my OCD, and all of my other weird, borderline-Aspy quirks and neuroses. Not to mention that I'm not exactly bursting with energy right now. I have a lot on my plate, trying to find a job and/or clients, to demonstrate to the world that I'm an efficient and creative hard worker who someone should totally hire, because I do good work. And in all of that I lost sight of even trying to find balance between work and play and being social.

Which is all to say that it's a holiday weekend, and I'm taking the next few days off from my "job" to focus on the job of being a good wife, friend, sister, aunt and daughter. My new web site design is up and running, and everything else on my massive To Do list can wait a few days while I refocus my priorities and remind myself that there is a whole world that exists outside my head, and that I should interact with it once in a while. I don't think it'll "fix" anything. I used to think that this whole struggle for balance was just learning to be an adult and that it would get easier, come more naturally with age; but by now I'm pretty sure that it's just life, just the way I am, and it's always something I'm going to have to work on. But until I achieve that balance, taking a break once in a while to switch up my focus is the best I know how to do.

Better, take three

I hesitate to mention that I'm feeling better, because so far every time I've done that I've ended up back in bed feeling miserable. But I'm on day three of betterness, so I think it's finally safe to say I'm done being sick (knock particle board).

So, what was it, 13 days? Yes. 13 days of running a low fever and generally feeling miserable. No sir, I didn't like it. But it's over now, thanks to leftover antibiotics given to me by a family member who wishes to remain nameless. I tried to obtain them legitimately, along with a real, doctor-certified diagnosis. I got up early last Wednesday and drove across town to a free clinic, but I didn't get there early enough, and they were already full and had to turn me away. I know the nurse lady felt bad doing so, especially after I burst into tears as soon as she told me (I didn't mean to, and I was as surprised by the outburst as she was).

She gave me a list of other clinics, but they were all Wednesday morning clinics, and most likely were also full-up. Since said family member had already dropped off several days' worth of Amoxycillin at my mom's, and since I was 99% positive without needing a doctor to tell me that I had a sinus infection, and also since I refused to suffer an entire 'nother week to get treatment if I didn't have to, I wiped my eyes and drove out to my mommy's house, where I received much TLC and baby snuggles (she was babysitting my wee nephew, who was so happy to see me that I wanted to take him home and keep him forever and ever. You guys, he even ignored Yo Gabba Gabba for me! He didn't even do that for his birthday cake! For Liam, that is true love.) along with tea and medicine. I love my mommy.

I took it easy the rest of the week while letting the meds do their thing, and now I dare say that I'm fully recovered. Thank God for antibiotics, y'all (and for mommies).

Now that I'm back up to speed, I'm also back to work: building a new web site, editing my novel, and getting hired to be a Social Networking Specialist (and who knew there even was such a thing?) for Internet Girl Friday have been at the top of list. I also finally finished cleaning and organizing my craft room (I've stopped calling it my office. Without a computer, it's not really much of an office, is it? But someday--yes, SOMEDAY, I tell you!--I will get a laptop and all of that will change, and then I'll stop having to interrupt my workday to let my husband check in with his online classes, and all will be well). I'm trying to work blogging back onto the list, too, and this is my attempt at that.

And now you know all that is going on with me. I should get back to work on building that web site, which you shall hear all about in this space once it's done. Until then, it'll be pretty quiet here for just a little while longer. Thank you for understanding, and for being awesome.

In a busy tizzy, makin' me dizzy

I'm in head-down mode this week, wrapping up a huge document production project for my day job that has to go out to the client by the end of the week, blah blah boring shop talk blah. In short, I'm running (sometimes literally) my butt off all day at work, and I'm too exhausted to do anything that doesn't involve lying around and being pampered when I get home. And this is why I'm not blogging. Thankfully, I should only have a couple more days of this, then I can start paying attention to other things again, like YOU, dear reader. I hope all is well with you. I miss you. But I have to get back to work now.