That thing I linked to the other day, the one I said was resonating with me? About un-effing your environment and habits and life? The next day I started playing along, and I started a Tumblr for it. I'm doing my best to keep it SFW, but occasionally I might re-blog something that's NSFW, so be warned.
At any rate, this project seems to be working. My house is slowly but surely coming together, and I'm starting to feel like I'm more together, and I think maybe that this is what being a grownup feels like. And it's a good feeling.
In other news, I've started jogging again. I can't remember if I mentioned that in my last post, but I have, and I'm still at it. I'm almost up to being able to do two-minute stretches. I don't have a timer, so I'm having to count paces instead of time, but I did time myself enough to know that I go at about two paces per second, so that's 120 paces per minute. And today I got up to 200 paces without feeling like I was going to die. If I kept going, I probably would have felt like dying, though. So I'll hold steady at 200 this week, and next week try for 220, and see how that goes.
I haven't been weighing myself (but I should probably start doing that regularly again), but my size 12 jeans are starting to get baggy, so I must be losing. My diet isn't 100% back to where it was pre-holiday season, but it's probably about 90% Zone/low-glycemic/healthy. I just need to be a little more diligent about eating my veggies and finish weaning myself off of sugar. But I'm hoping to get down to a size 10 by my birthday, so I can get some new jeans as a birthday present. I think it's doable.
I realize I came off as really down in my last post, and I'm not, really. I was hormonal that day, and I was SUPER hormonal the day I was thinking all of those depressing thoughts. I just want everyone to know that, most of the time, especially the times when my hormones aren't making me insane, I'm okay. I'm pretty content and at peace with where we are (in life, that is; not so much with our physical location. I really want to move) and with what we have, which is everything we truly need. And I've only been out of work a little over a week, and I've got a conference call scheduled for Wednesday with a potential new client, so things on the work front aren't all gloom and despair.
And yes, I am frustrated and still get down sometimes about our finances not yet being sufficient to TTC responsibly, but I also still have work I need to do to get my health and body ready first. So, you know. I'm having faith that if it's meant to happen, it will happen when God knows we're good and ready for it to happen. In the mean time, we've got self and home and financial improvements to get done. So I'm mostly in a pretty good place these days.
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
February 27, 2012
July 1, 2011
How Low Can You Go?
We're still stuck in limbo land, and the tedium of it all is getting to both of us. I think what we really need is a vacation to take our minds off of all of this waiting for things to change so we can take action and start moving forward. We're trying to plan a camping trip, but it keeps not coming together (case in point: we'd hoped to spend the holiday weekend at the lake, but that didn't pan out for various reasons), and at this point it will probably have to wait until Matt's done recovering from gallbladder surgery.
That's right--Matt had his ultrasound last week, and they found gallstones. We don't know for certain yet whether he'll need surgery, but it seems likely. He has an appointment with a specialist next Wednesday, and then we'll go from there. With his medical history and all of its resultant anxieties, he's really not keen on the prospect of surgery, so if any of y'all who pray could add him to your list, he could sure use prayers for peace.
But while that's stressful, on the other hand there's relief that it's "only" gallstones. We could tell by the technician's post-US change in demeanor that something was up, and were fearful that it might be much, much worse. So it feels a little like we dodged a bullet there. But even so, he still has pain on his left side (which is the opposite side of his gallbladder) that they have yet to explain. So we're still praying that if there's anything to be found on that side, they will find it, and it will be something treatable.
In POR news, my scales seem to be stuck at 170. I do feel like I'm losing fat, though (and building muscle tone, which is probably why I'm not registering more weight loss), unlike when I was plateaued at 173 for a month. But considering I still need to lose 20-30 more pounds before I'll feel comfortable about trying to conceive, the slowness with which it's coming off is frustrating. BUT! I can fit into my size 12 shorts now, albeit with a slight muffin top. That bit's pretty encouraging. And with my height I look pretty all right at a size 12.
Anyway, I started taking NAC this week, so we'll see if that makes a difference re: how fast the weight comes off.
One thing that has changed, though, is that I'm full of hope. I can actually picture myself big and pregnant, and as a parent. And I've reached a place where I can read online about other women's babies and pregnancies and feel happy for them and only feel a mild stab of sorrow for myself, instead of being totally engulfed in grief and self-pity. And I can see pregnant women at the grocery store without getting depressed. I don't know yet about being around all of the young mommies and mommies-to-be in my offline social circle, but I am planning to attend my niece-in-law's baby shower, and I'm even planning to crochet a baby blanket for her. That is HUGE progress.
That's right--Matt had his ultrasound last week, and they found gallstones. We don't know for certain yet whether he'll need surgery, but it seems likely. He has an appointment with a specialist next Wednesday, and then we'll go from there. With his medical history and all of its resultant anxieties, he's really not keen on the prospect of surgery, so if any of y'all who pray could add him to your list, he could sure use prayers for peace.
But while that's stressful, on the other hand there's relief that it's "only" gallstones. We could tell by the technician's post-US change in demeanor that something was up, and were fearful that it might be much, much worse. So it feels a little like we dodged a bullet there. But even so, he still has pain on his left side (which is the opposite side of his gallbladder) that they have yet to explain. So we're still praying that if there's anything to be found on that side, they will find it, and it will be something treatable.
In POR news, my scales seem to be stuck at 170. I do feel like I'm losing fat, though (and building muscle tone, which is probably why I'm not registering more weight loss), unlike when I was plateaued at 173 for a month. But considering I still need to lose 20-30 more pounds before I'll feel comfortable about trying to conceive, the slowness with which it's coming off is frustrating. BUT! I can fit into my size 12 shorts now, albeit with a slight muffin top. That bit's pretty encouraging. And with my height I look pretty all right at a size 12.
Anyway, I started taking NAC this week, so we'll see if that makes a difference re: how fast the weight comes off.
One thing that has changed, though, is that I'm full of hope. I can actually picture myself big and pregnant, and as a parent. And I've reached a place where I can read online about other women's babies and pregnancies and feel happy for them and only feel a mild stab of sorrow for myself, instead of being totally engulfed in grief and self-pity. And I can see pregnant women at the grocery store without getting depressed. I don't know yet about being around all of the young mommies and mommies-to-be in my offline social circle, but I am planning to attend my niece-in-law's baby shower, and I'm even planning to crochet a baby blanket for her. That is HUGE progress.
March 30, 2011
The Caffeine Tango & The Distraction Limbo
I'm gradually weaning myself off of caffeine as part of Project Oven Repair. I managed to get myself down to two cups of coffee (from my usual three to five); then this week I started cutting my regular coffee with decaf to make half-caf. The only problem with that is that I keep saying to myself, "It's only half-caf, so go ahead and have another cup. Yay coffee!"
So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.
New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!
I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.
Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.
In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.
This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.
I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.
At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.
And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.
So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.
And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.
So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.
New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!
I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.
Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.
In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.
This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.
I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.
At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.
And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.
So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.
And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.
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