Mmm, coffee

I'm feeling really good right now, and I'm sure it has nothing at all to do with the fact that I just had my first cup of fully-caffed coffee since starting Project Oven Repair way back in March. Oh yes I did, and I tell you what, it was totally worth the withdrawal headache I'm likely to suffer through tomorrow when I force myself back on wagon.

Why the lapse? I've just been missing coffee so much lately. I mean, I've been drinking decaf, but it's just not the same, and I don't just mean the buzz factor. Decaf coffe just tastes... off, somehow. I can't even put my finger on it. It's just wrong, is all. I've also been drinking a lot of tea; some of which is caffeinated, but a cup of tea doesn't have nearly the caffeine as a regular cup o' joe, and I've been limiting myself to one or two cups of the caffed stuff (mainly either chai or gunpowder green tea) a day, so that hardly counts as any caffeine at all, right? Which must be true, because just halfway through drinking my real java today I started to feel a zing that I haven't felt in so very long.

It hasn't helped that Matt, who was never much of a coffee drinker, has suddenly become a coffee connoisseur, drinking coffee every day, buying gourmet grounds, even going so far as to get himself a fancy French press. I smell that stuff brewing and I can't help but ask myself why I'm putting myself through this deprivation when we're not even actively TTC yet. But then I remember all of the studies that determined that caffeine increases insulin resistance and, that's why.

So this can't become a habit. When we were out today I picked up a three-serving packet of Starbucks instant (yeah, instant, but its flavor is still a lot better than decaf) to keep on hand for when I just can't stand the cravings for the taste of real coffee. Because one cup once in a while won't kill me or POR.

Speaking of which, it's stalled again -- I'm plateaued at around 167, and I guess I need to go back to lowering my carbs and increasing my mono fats until that needle gets moving again. Of course, I haven't been working out as much as I should. The problem with being workout buddies with my Big Sis in the summers is that I fall into the habit of only working out on the days we can get together, and that's typically only three days a week, which is not enough for weight loss. But the flip side of that is that, with this heat, I probably wouldn't be working out at all if not for the days Sis and I get together. But she'll be starting back to school soon, so I've got to get back into the habit of motivating myself to work out, stifling, tree-killing, 110+ degree heat be damned.

The Caffeine Tango & The Distraction Limbo

I'm gradually weaning myself off of caffeine as part of Project Oven Repair. I managed to get myself down to two cups of coffee (from my usual three to five); then this week I started cutting my regular coffee with decaf to make half-caf. The only problem with that is that I keep saying to myself, "It's only half-caf, so go ahead and have another cup. Yay coffee!"

So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.

New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!

I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.

Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.

In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.

This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.

I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.

At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.

And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.

So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.

And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.

CAFFEINE FAIL

I like my coffee like I like my man: pale, sweet and full of soy.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Everything she told me basically boiled down to me needing to get better sleep. To that end, I decided to stop drinking caffeine in any form after high noon. I could drink as much as I want before then, but noon was going to be my cutoff. I started out today determined that this would be so.

Noon came and went, and then two more hours past that, and I held strong. Then the sleepiness hit me, and I remembered that I'm taking a first-time home buyer's class tonight with my husband (it's a funding requirement), and also that I took a new allergy med last night that, while making breathing wonderfully easy, is not helping so much with the staying awake. You can surely guess what happened next, because I am weak. My coffee will just have to be strong for me.

Now I have no reason to go to Vegas.

The one thing I really wanted to see in Las Vegas was the Star Trek Experience. But according to Wil Wheaton, it is simply not to be. Sadness.

I guess there's still the New York, New York roller coaster... eh, I'd rather go to Six Flags.

I wrote a story.

A piece of flash fiction, actually, just a little over 500 words. It came to me while we were watching Twilight Zone over the weekend -- we watched so many, I couldn't even guess which one inspired it -- which makes sense, because it's a Twilight Zone-y kind of story. I like it, though. It's called "Mamie's Pie Shop," and you can read it here.

Yowch.

I just logged into my myspace profile, and there it was, staring me right in the face: JMBauhaus, 35 years old. And I was just beginning to get used to the idea of being 30.

Oh, well. Most of the coolest people I know are my age or older, so I can't be too bummed about it. And my mental age still hovers around 12, so if you split the difference, that puts me in my early twenties.

Actually, I don't want to be in my early twenties. Those weren't really the best years.

No, I'm pretty comfortable here in the mid-thirties. It's not like there's no room for improvement -- there's always room for improvement -- but the fact is that my life's never been better and, overall, I've never been happier. I've got an amazing husband/marriage, a great job, a burgeoning writing career, I'm taking baby steps building my own business, and a giant leap towards owning my own home. Life is good, I'm incredibly blessed, and I'm finally happy with who I am and comfortable in my own skin. I wouldn't trade that for all the youth in the world.

Still, that 5 is going to take some getting used to. I have time, though, since I plan to remain 35 for at least the next ten years.

***

In other news, Sonic does not impress me with their fancy coffee offerings. It's really disappointing, because normally, drinks are the one thing Sonic can be counted on to always get right. But I've tried two of the three items on their newly expanded coffee menu, and so far they're 0 for 2. The other day I tried one of their lattes, and was irked (but not really that surprised) that it obviously came from a powdered cappuccino machine. This morning I played it safe and ordered a regular "premium roast" coffee, because, who can screw up a regular cuppa joe? The Sonic crew, that's who. It was burned and bitter and nasty. Strike two, Sonic.

I'll give you one more chance with your blended frozen coffee drink, about which I've heard good things. But if the hype doesn't hold up and you strike out, I'll be sticking with my beloved Java Chip Frappuccino on my fancy coffee treat days.