Here's some good news: I decided to test my blood glucose levels today for the first time since June, and there is definite improvement. Back then, my fasting glucose level was 102 when I tested it in the morning before breakfast--that's in the range for insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome. When I tested it before breakfast this morning, it was 93--down nine points and NORMAL!
I've lost about ten pounds in between the two tests, and while it's tempting to be a little discouraged that I've only lost ten pounds since June, I did take that month-long break from the diet, during which I actually gained a few pounds. So this is actually great progress, and the important thing is that the numbers are all moving in the right direction.
I'm feeling really positive about what this means for my chances of a healthy pregnancy, although I'll be more comfortable if I can get my fasting glucose level under 90 before we start trying again. I also need to lose 5-10 more pounds before the height/weight charts stop telling me I'm overweight. More importantly, I need to lose about three more inches of belly fat before I'm fully out of the "at risk" range.
I'm really glad I decided to test and measure everything today, too. I've been feeling really discouraged about all of this lately, and this is just the encouragement and motivation I need to keep going.
I'm almost there, y'all.
PS for those of you who also need to watch the glycemic index of the foods you eat - I've got a Low GI Recipes pinboard on Pinterest. Some of the recipes are already there and some of them look like they just need a bit of tweaking to get there. I'm planning to start experimenting with low GI baking once the weather finally cools down enough to start using our oven.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
October 5, 2011
September 22, 2011
Sleepy Jean Is Sleepy. Also, P:OR Progress
This has been one of those weeks where everything just feels off, no doubt because I've had insomnia for about three nights in a row. Funny how sleep deprivation makes you feel off-kilter and like everything is hard, isn't it? Last night I finally got a decent night's sleep, after taking some Benadryl, so I'm feeling much better today, albeit still a bit draggy and like I need one more night of really great sleep to catch up and feel normal again.
This week is making me glad I decided not to totally eliminate coffee from Project: Oven Repair (Take Two).
Speaking of the diet reboot, it's going well. Avoiding bread hasn't been the struggle I thought it would be (although I did break down and have half a bagel and some crackers at various points yesterday, because I was too tired to cook vegetables), and I've been eating more of a variety and actually enjoying my food.
I decided to lay off of the scales for a while, and just gauge my progress by how well I feel and how my clothes are fitting. I was feeling pretty great until the insomnia kicked in (accompanied, of course, by really bad hay fever), and yesterday I reached a new progress benchmark: my size 12 jeans fit for the first time in at least four years. I still need to lose about a half-inch or so before they're really comfortable, but they're definitely wearable.
Unfortunately, the insomnia also raised a speed bump in my daily exercise routine, and for the past couple of days I've been too busy/distracted/tired to bother. I figure two days isn't really a habit-killer, and if I can make myself go for my 45-minute walk today, I'll be fine. Which I'm going to do right after I finish this post.
We're tentatively planning a visit to the nearest state park this weekend, to have a picnic and walk the nature trails. I was really hoping we'd have our new camera by then, but Matt's still trying to decide which fancy lens to invest in, so it doesn't look like we will. But at least this time I'll be sure to take our 5MP point-and-shoot, so we won't be relegated to our cell phone cameras if we see something cool, like we were last time.
All righty. Time to get off this couch and go move.
...And just as I was previewing this post and about to hit Publish, we heard sirens cut off right in front of our house, and shouting and "Put your hands up!" and we looked outside to see two cops with their guns pointed at this guy who was backing slowly toward them with his hands in the air. Now they've got him cuffed and they're out there patting him down and searching his car. I guess my walk's on hold until COPS: Live On Location In Our Front Yard is over and they take the criminal away.
This week is making me glad I decided not to totally eliminate coffee from Project: Oven Repair (Take Two).
Speaking of the diet reboot, it's going well. Avoiding bread hasn't been the struggle I thought it would be (although I did break down and have half a bagel and some crackers at various points yesterday, because I was too tired to cook vegetables), and I've been eating more of a variety and actually enjoying my food.
I decided to lay off of the scales for a while, and just gauge my progress by how well I feel and how my clothes are fitting. I was feeling pretty great until the insomnia kicked in (accompanied, of course, by really bad hay fever), and yesterday I reached a new progress benchmark: my size 12 jeans fit for the first time in at least four years. I still need to lose about a half-inch or so before they're really comfortable, but they're definitely wearable.
Unfortunately, the insomnia also raised a speed bump in my daily exercise routine, and for the past couple of days I've been too busy/distracted/tired to bother. I figure two days isn't really a habit-killer, and if I can make myself go for my 45-minute walk today, I'll be fine. Which I'm going to do right after I finish this post.
We're tentatively planning a visit to the nearest state park this weekend, to have a picnic and walk the nature trails. I was really hoping we'd have our new camera by then, but Matt's still trying to decide which fancy lens to invest in, so it doesn't look like we will. But at least this time I'll be sure to take our 5MP point-and-shoot, so we won't be relegated to our cell phone cameras if we see something cool, like we were last time.
All righty. Time to get off this couch and go move.
...And just as I was previewing this post and about to hit Publish, we heard sirens cut off right in front of our house, and shouting and "Put your hands up!" and we looked outside to see two cops with their guns pointed at this guy who was backing slowly toward them with his hands in the air. Now they've got him cuffed and they're out there patting him down and searching his car. I guess my walk's on hold until COPS: Live On Location In Our Front Yard is over and they take the criminal away.
August 10, 2011
I's Tired
I think I got about four hours of sleep this morning. I'd already been tossing and turning with my good ol' buddy insomnia for a couple of hours when a raucous thunderstorm moved in last night and started making a scary racket just as I was on the verge of finally drifting off to sweet, sweet slumber. At first I was overjoyed to hear the sounds of rain, because yay, end of drought! But then it grew loud enough to wake Matt and scary enough to make me get out of bed to turn on the TV and make sure a tornado wasn't bearing down on us. When I saw that it was "just" 60 mph winds, I turned it off and we went back to bed, where Matt went back to sleep and I went back to tossing and turning. At about 4 AM I got up and took half a Benadryl and read until it started to kick in, and I think I finally fell asleep around 5:00. And then my dog woke me up a mere two hours later, and it took me another long while to get back to sleep. So when I had to get up by 10:00 to get ready for "lunch" (aka, breakfast) with my mom and sis, you can bet your sweet bippy that I drank me some more coffee. Oh yes, I did.
Today is my Big Sis's birthday, so my mom took her out to lunch, as per tradition, and I was invited to tag along, also as per tradition. I thought it was just going to be lunch, and then I would be returned home where I could nap the afternoon away, but as it turned out they had shopping plans that took the better part of the afternoon. Which is actually fine, because I enjoyed myself despite running the risk of getting shot in the head by someone who mistook me for the forerunner of a zombie invasion.
It certainly didn't hurt that my mom took pity on my broke-arsed status and bought me these (except in this color) after she saw me admiring them, despite my protestations that I have nothing to wear them with and no place to wear them, for the simple reason that they were both cute and 80% off (plus another 30% with a coupon she kept brandishing at us) and therefore they shouldn't be passed up on principle. This might surprise some folks, but I've always had a bit of a shoe obsession, but I've forced myself to curtail it in the last few years. So it was definitely nice to get a pair of shoes for the sole reason that they're cute and they make me happy, and not because they serve a particular function or fill a necessary wardrobe niche (i.e., neutral dress flats). In short: CUTE SHOES! YAY!
Insomnia's not the only reason I'm tired. I'm also starting to be just plain worn out. We've had appointments every day this week, and it will continue until the weekend. On Monday, we had to trek out to the university campus 45 minutes away to pick up Matt's textbooks. On Tuesday, we had to go meet with DHS to see if we qualify for assistance with Matt's impending gallbladder surgery (good news: we do). Today was lunch and shopping, and tomorrow and Friday will be grocery shopping and other errands, which we've taken to splitting over two days because getting them all done on Thursdays has been exhausting. That might not sound like that much, but when you're used to hardly ever leaving the house except to go buy groceries a couple times a week, this much having to get dressed and get in the car in one week is a shock to the system. And my system is definitely looking forward to a day to stay home and get over this feeling of "Fire bad, tree pretty."
Today is my Big Sis's birthday, so my mom took her out to lunch, as per tradition, and I was invited to tag along, also as per tradition. I thought it was just going to be lunch, and then I would be returned home where I could nap the afternoon away, but as it turned out they had shopping plans that took the better part of the afternoon. Which is actually fine, because I enjoyed myself despite running the risk of getting shot in the head by someone who mistook me for the forerunner of a zombie invasion.
It certainly didn't hurt that my mom took pity on my broke-arsed status and bought me these (except in this color) after she saw me admiring them, despite my protestations that I have nothing to wear them with and no place to wear them, for the simple reason that they were both cute and 80% off (plus another 30% with a coupon she kept brandishing at us) and therefore they shouldn't be passed up on principle. This might surprise some folks, but I've always had a bit of a shoe obsession, but I've forced myself to curtail it in the last few years. So it was definitely nice to get a pair of shoes for the sole reason that they're cute and they make me happy, and not because they serve a particular function or fill a necessary wardrobe niche (i.e., neutral dress flats). In short: CUTE SHOES! YAY!
Insomnia's not the only reason I'm tired. I'm also starting to be just plain worn out. We've had appointments every day this week, and it will continue until the weekend. On Monday, we had to trek out to the university campus 45 minutes away to pick up Matt's textbooks. On Tuesday, we had to go meet with DHS to see if we qualify for assistance with Matt's impending gallbladder surgery (good news: we do). Today was lunch and shopping, and tomorrow and Friday will be grocery shopping and other errands, which we've taken to splitting over two days because getting them all done on Thursdays has been exhausting. That might not sound like that much, but when you're used to hardly ever leaving the house except to go buy groceries a couple times a week, this much having to get dressed and get in the car in one week is a shock to the system. And my system is definitely looking forward to a day to stay home and get over this feeling of "Fire bad, tree pretty."
July 1, 2011
How Low Can You Go?
We're still stuck in limbo land, and the tedium of it all is getting to both of us. I think what we really need is a vacation to take our minds off of all of this waiting for things to change so we can take action and start moving forward. We're trying to plan a camping trip, but it keeps not coming together (case in point: we'd hoped to spend the holiday weekend at the lake, but that didn't pan out for various reasons), and at this point it will probably have to wait until Matt's done recovering from gallbladder surgery.
That's right--Matt had his ultrasound last week, and they found gallstones. We don't know for certain yet whether he'll need surgery, but it seems likely. He has an appointment with a specialist next Wednesday, and then we'll go from there. With his medical history and all of its resultant anxieties, he's really not keen on the prospect of surgery, so if any of y'all who pray could add him to your list, he could sure use prayers for peace.
But while that's stressful, on the other hand there's relief that it's "only" gallstones. We could tell by the technician's post-US change in demeanor that something was up, and were fearful that it might be much, much worse. So it feels a little like we dodged a bullet there. But even so, he still has pain on his left side (which is the opposite side of his gallbladder) that they have yet to explain. So we're still praying that if there's anything to be found on that side, they will find it, and it will be something treatable.
In POR news, my scales seem to be stuck at 170. I do feel like I'm losing fat, though (and building muscle tone, which is probably why I'm not registering more weight loss), unlike when I was plateaued at 173 for a month. But considering I still need to lose 20-30 more pounds before I'll feel comfortable about trying to conceive, the slowness with which it's coming off is frustrating. BUT! I can fit into my size 12 shorts now, albeit with a slight muffin top. That bit's pretty encouraging. And with my height I look pretty all right at a size 12.
Anyway, I started taking NAC this week, so we'll see if that makes a difference re: how fast the weight comes off.
One thing that has changed, though, is that I'm full of hope. I can actually picture myself big and pregnant, and as a parent. And I've reached a place where I can read online about other women's babies and pregnancies and feel happy for them and only feel a mild stab of sorrow for myself, instead of being totally engulfed in grief and self-pity. And I can see pregnant women at the grocery store without getting depressed. I don't know yet about being around all of the young mommies and mommies-to-be in my offline social circle, but I am planning to attend my niece-in-law's baby shower, and I'm even planning to crochet a baby blanket for her. That is HUGE progress.
That's right--Matt had his ultrasound last week, and they found gallstones. We don't know for certain yet whether he'll need surgery, but it seems likely. He has an appointment with a specialist next Wednesday, and then we'll go from there. With his medical history and all of its resultant anxieties, he's really not keen on the prospect of surgery, so if any of y'all who pray could add him to your list, he could sure use prayers for peace.
But while that's stressful, on the other hand there's relief that it's "only" gallstones. We could tell by the technician's post-US change in demeanor that something was up, and were fearful that it might be much, much worse. So it feels a little like we dodged a bullet there. But even so, he still has pain on his left side (which is the opposite side of his gallbladder) that they have yet to explain. So we're still praying that if there's anything to be found on that side, they will find it, and it will be something treatable.
In POR news, my scales seem to be stuck at 170. I do feel like I'm losing fat, though (and building muscle tone, which is probably why I'm not registering more weight loss), unlike when I was plateaued at 173 for a month. But considering I still need to lose 20-30 more pounds before I'll feel comfortable about trying to conceive, the slowness with which it's coming off is frustrating. BUT! I can fit into my size 12 shorts now, albeit with a slight muffin top. That bit's pretty encouraging. And with my height I look pretty all right at a size 12.
Anyway, I started taking NAC this week, so we'll see if that makes a difference re: how fast the weight comes off.
One thing that has changed, though, is that I'm full of hope. I can actually picture myself big and pregnant, and as a parent. And I've reached a place where I can read online about other women's babies and pregnancies and feel happy for them and only feel a mild stab of sorrow for myself, instead of being totally engulfed in grief and self-pity. And I can see pregnant women at the grocery store without getting depressed. I don't know yet about being around all of the young mommies and mommies-to-be in my offline social circle, but I am planning to attend my niece-in-law's baby shower, and I'm even planning to crochet a baby blanket for her. That is HUGE progress.
June 18, 2011
Project Oven Progress Report
Well, I'm down a couple of pounds since last weekend, so the changes I made to my diet (cutting a block of carbs at each meal and adding a block of monounsaturated fat) must be working to get me off of that plateau. This is encouraging, especially considering I haven't worked out since Tuesday.
I started working out with my Big Sis this week (she teaches the rest of the year, but during the summer we're usually workout buddies), and we did great the first couple of days, but then I had to skip Wednesday because of Matt's doctor's appointment, and then I had to skip Thursday because we had a ton of errands to run, and she had to skip Friday because she had her grandkid that day. I'd intended to work out on my own Thursday and Friday, but on Thursday my period hit with a vengeance and I've felt like crud ever since, with some of the worst cramps ever, and that's saying a lot. Clearly, my PCOS isn't anywhere close to going away.
I've also been feeling run down and mildly nauseated the last few days. I've been wondering whether it's because of my period or if it has to do with the changes in my diet. But with the exception of Monday, when I made myself sick by overdoing my workout in the noonday heat, I felt okay until Thursday. So I guess it's all my uterus's fault. As usual.
Dear uterus: can't we please just get along?
Anyway, today I finally dug out one of my late mom-in-law's glucose meters and tested my blood sugar. After fasting four hours, it was 100, which is the bottom of the insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome range, which isn't good. But an hour after eating it was only 118, which isn't bad. I still need to check it in the morning after I've fasted for at least eight hours.
Aside: I had to prick three different fingers before I figured out how to put the blood on the strip correctly and make the tester work, which, OW. I don't have a device for the lancets, either, so I just had to stab my fingers by hand. I will say that it absolutely sucked, and it gave me a little extra incentive to never let myself become diabetic.
I'm writing down all of the results, and I'll check it again after I've lost another ten pounds or so to see if it's improving. I expect it will. I'm not too worried. The fact that the same diet essentially cured Matt of diabetes is definitely encouraging. I just wish I could hurry up and get over these cramps and nausea so I can get back to working out regularly.
I started working out with my Big Sis this week (she teaches the rest of the year, but during the summer we're usually workout buddies), and we did great the first couple of days, but then I had to skip Wednesday because of Matt's doctor's appointment, and then I had to skip Thursday because we had a ton of errands to run, and she had to skip Friday because she had her grandkid that day. I'd intended to work out on my own Thursday and Friday, but on Thursday my period hit with a vengeance and I've felt like crud ever since, with some of the worst cramps ever, and that's saying a lot. Clearly, my PCOS isn't anywhere close to going away.
I've also been feeling run down and mildly nauseated the last few days. I've been wondering whether it's because of my period or if it has to do with the changes in my diet. But with the exception of Monday, when I made myself sick by overdoing my workout in the noonday heat, I felt okay until Thursday. So I guess it's all my uterus's fault. As usual.
Dear uterus: can't we please just get along?
Anyway, today I finally dug out one of my late mom-in-law's glucose meters and tested my blood sugar. After fasting four hours, it was 100, which is the bottom of the insulin resistance/metabolic syndrome range, which isn't good. But an hour after eating it was only 118, which isn't bad. I still need to check it in the morning after I've fasted for at least eight hours.
Aside: I had to prick three different fingers before I figured out how to put the blood on the strip correctly and make the tester work, which, OW. I don't have a device for the lancets, either, so I just had to stab my fingers by hand. I will say that it absolutely sucked, and it gave me a little extra incentive to never let myself become diabetic.
I'm writing down all of the results, and I'll check it again after I've lost another ten pounds or so to see if it's improving. I expect it will. I'm not too worried. The fact that the same diet essentially cured Matt of diabetes is definitely encouraging. I just wish I could hurry up and get over these cramps and nausea so I can get back to working out regularly.
June 17, 2011
Good News
Sometimes, things actually go our way for a change. I don't want to tempt fate by tooting our horns too loudly, but this has been a pretty good week.
For one thing, I'm published. For those who haven't been following my indie publishing progress over at Jeanie Writes Genre, my debut novella, Restless Spirits, is now available for the Kindle on Amazon.com, and for about every other device (or just your computer screen) at Smashwords.
Some of you fine folks might have read it already -- this is a re-packaged and re-edited version of This Old Haunt, and the changes aren't significant enough to warrant paying to read it again (unless you just liked it that much). But the best news is that it's selling. Not a lot, and it's certainly not going to bring in enough to let me quit my "day job" any time soon, but for a debut indie novella, it's doing very respectably so far.
But the best news of all this week came from Matt's doctor. With his medical history, he's so conditioned to expect bad news about his health that he was too scared to make (or keep) a doctor's appointment for the longest time. But he finally went this week, and they did a full screening panel for anything that could possibly be wrong with him, and everything came back normal. In fact, his blood sugar was so good that the doctor said he's basically cured of diabetes, as long as he keeps doing what he's doing.
He's still scheduled to get an ultrasound to check out some discomfort he's been having in his side, but the doctor didn't find anything during her exam, and I'm praying and believing that they won't find anything on the ultrasound, either. They still need to treat his sleeping disorder so hopefully he'll start feeling as healthy as he actually is, but overall, I have a healthy husband! Yay and hallelujah!
Now if we can just get my reproductive innards as healthy as he is, we'll be good to go.
For one thing, I'm published. For those who haven't been following my indie publishing progress over at Jeanie Writes Genre, my debut novella, Restless Spirits, is now available for the Kindle on Amazon.com, and for about every other device (or just your computer screen) at Smashwords.
Some of you fine folks might have read it already -- this is a re-packaged and re-edited version of This Old Haunt, and the changes aren't significant enough to warrant paying to read it again (unless you just liked it that much). But the best news is that it's selling. Not a lot, and it's certainly not going to bring in enough to let me quit my "day job" any time soon, but for a debut indie novella, it's doing very respectably so far.
But the best news of all this week came from Matt's doctor. With his medical history, he's so conditioned to expect bad news about his health that he was too scared to make (or keep) a doctor's appointment for the longest time. But he finally went this week, and they did a full screening panel for anything that could possibly be wrong with him, and everything came back normal. In fact, his blood sugar was so good that the doctor said he's basically cured of diabetes, as long as he keeps doing what he's doing.
He's still scheduled to get an ultrasound to check out some discomfort he's been having in his side, but the doctor didn't find anything during her exam, and I'm praying and believing that they won't find anything on the ultrasound, either. They still need to treat his sleeping disorder so hopefully he'll start feeling as healthy as he actually is, but overall, I have a healthy husband! Yay and hallelujah!
Now if we can just get my reproductive innards as healthy as he is, we'll be good to go.
April 22, 2011
365: 13
No time for a workout today, so these are just my hanging around the house clothes:
Stats:
Weight - 177 :(
Mood - Discouraged
According to today's weigh-in, I only lost one pound all week. Of course, the fact that I almost forgot to weigh and when I did it was over an hour later than my usual weigh-in time might be a factor. But then again so might the fact that I indulged in some Chinese takeout last Sunday, and let Matt talk me into some fried catfish last night. I'll try weighing again tomorrow at the usual time to see if that makes any difference. At any rate, at least the scale's still moving in the right direction. I just hope this isn't a sign that I'm about to plateau.
This plus PMS plus another nephew's birthday party that I'll be missing tomorrow are all conspiring to put me back in the sad place. And I just plucked another whisker-like hair from my jawline, which means my PCOS is still raging strong. Fortunately, my work is keeping me too busy to dwell on any of it for very long, but I'm struggling, and I have a feeling it's going to be a long, hard weekend.
Stats:
Weight - 177 :(
Mood - Discouraged
According to today's weigh-in, I only lost one pound all week. Of course, the fact that I almost forgot to weigh and when I did it was over an hour later than my usual weigh-in time might be a factor. But then again so might the fact that I indulged in some Chinese takeout last Sunday, and let Matt talk me into some fried catfish last night. I'll try weighing again tomorrow at the usual time to see if that makes any difference. At any rate, at least the scale's still moving in the right direction. I just hope this isn't a sign that I'm about to plateau.
This plus PMS plus another nephew's birthday party that I'll be missing tomorrow are all conspiring to put me back in the sad place. And I just plucked another whisker-like hair from my jawline, which means my PCOS is still raging strong. Fortunately, my work is keeping me too busy to dwell on any of it for very long, but I'm struggling, and I have a feeling it's going to be a long, hard weekend.
April 16, 2011
365: 7
On my way to work out again:
Don't ask me what the heck happened to that picture on its way from my phone to my e-mail. I guess from now on I'll wait to make sure it uploads correctly before I delete it from my phone. Anyway...
Stats:
Weight - 178*
Mood - Pretty darn good
Bathroom - Weird, that strange exposure made the toothpaste splatters on the mirror even more obvious.
*If I add 5 pounds to match what the doctor's office scales would say, then it would be 183. But I think I'll stick with my scales as the "official" weight, because that lower number is much more encouraging. At any rate, the important thing is that since last Friday, I've lost three more pounds. Woot!
Speaking of the doctor's office, my "pretty darn good" mood was a little dampened by coming home to find my lab results in the mail and finding out I have low HDL levels (it didn't give a number, the nurse just wrote "low" in the margin, and that I would benefit from exercise. Well, duh). I'm so suggestible that when I looked up the implications of low HDL online and read that it increases your chance of heart disease, I immediately started feeling chest pains. They passed, but I'm slightly wigged by the news. But only slightly, because I AM getting exercise, and losing weight, so this has got to be a temporary condition, right?
Don't ask me what the heck happened to that picture on its way from my phone to my e-mail. I guess from now on I'll wait to make sure it uploads correctly before I delete it from my phone. Anyway...
Stats:
Weight - 178*
Mood - Pretty darn good
Bathroom - Weird, that strange exposure made the toothpaste splatters on the mirror even more obvious.
*If I add 5 pounds to match what the doctor's office scales would say, then it would be 183. But I think I'll stick with my scales as the "official" weight, because that lower number is much more encouraging. At any rate, the important thing is that since last Friday, I've lost three more pounds. Woot!
Speaking of the doctor's office, my "pretty darn good" mood was a little dampened by coming home to find my lab results in the mail and finding out I have low HDL levels (it didn't give a number, the nurse just wrote "low" in the margin, and that I would benefit from exercise. Well, duh). I'm so suggestible that when I looked up the implications of low HDL online and read that it increases your chance of heart disease, I immediately started feeling chest pains. They passed, but I'm slightly wigged by the news. But only slightly, because I AM getting exercise, and losing weight, so this has got to be a temporary condition, right?
April 12, 2011
365: 3
Today I got dressed for going to the clinic to have blood drawn and renew my thyroid med:
Stats:
Weight - 189, according to the clinic scales
Mood - A little tired, but okay
Bathroom - beggin' for a cleanin'
I weighed myself at home right before I left for the clinic, and my scales read about 184 (see, this kind of fluctuation is why I don't weigh daily). So I guess from now on I should just add five pounds to whatever my crappy cheap bathroom scales read for accuracy. At least it's not a 10 pound difference like I originally thought.
The other not-so-fun thing I did today: picked up Rob's cremains from the funeral home. Yes, it's been almost two months. I don't know how long they've been ready for pickup, but nobody ever called to notify us. And we kept putting off calling them, because... well, because we just needed a break from sad business for a while. But now he's home, and his ashes are being kept next to Gina's, just like he wanted.
Stats:
Weight - 189, according to the clinic scales
Mood - A little tired, but okay
Bathroom - beggin' for a cleanin'
I weighed myself at home right before I left for the clinic, and my scales read about 184 (see, this kind of fluctuation is why I don't weigh daily). So I guess from now on I should just add five pounds to whatever my crappy cheap bathroom scales read for accuracy. At least it's not a 10 pound difference like I originally thought.
The other not-so-fun thing I did today: picked up Rob's cremains from the funeral home. Yes, it's been almost two months. I don't know how long they've been ready for pickup, but nobody ever called to notify us. And we kept putting off calling them, because... well, because we just needed a break from sad business for a while. But now he's home, and his ashes are being kept next to Gina's, just like he wanted.
March 30, 2011
The Caffeine Tango & The Distraction Limbo
I'm gradually weaning myself off of caffeine as part of Project Oven Repair. I managed to get myself down to two cups of coffee (from my usual three to five); then this week I started cutting my regular coffee with decaf to make half-caf. The only problem with that is that I keep saying to myself, "It's only half-caf, so go ahead and have another cup. Yay coffee!"
So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.
New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!
I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.
Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.
In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.
This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.
I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.
At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.
And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.
So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.
And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.
So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.
New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!
I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.
Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.
In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.
This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.
I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.
At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.
And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.
So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.
And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.
March 20, 2011
Project Oven Repair
I spent the better part of Friday afternoon researching natural and homeopathic remedies for PCOS. I made a shopping list of vitamins and minerals and healthy foods and things I would need to get started down this path to a healthier, PCOS-free, me, and then on Saturday I went to Akin's and the grocery store and stocked up on supplements and vegetables and sea food. The sea food's more for my ADD, since I can't really afford the 10 grams per day of purified pharma-grade fish oil I'll need to take to keep it under control.
I guess I should back up and explain why I'm so sure that PCOS is the source of all my baby woes. I've had symptoms for years, but none of my doctors--GPs, OBs, gynecologists, internal medicine specialists--have ever suggested that these symptoms might add up to PCOS.
Until my follow-up appointment at the women's clinic after my D&C, with an OB/GYN I'd never seen before, who looked at my history and my symptoms and asked me, "Have you ever been treated for PCOS?" When I said no, she went on to describe the symptoms, and it felt like a light bulb went on, shining its light on exactly what the problem is.
She wanted to do a hysteroscopy to verify the diagnosis, but we couldn't get it scheduled before my insurance ran out. We DID get my thrombophilia workup done before it ran out, though, and it ruled out any blood-clotting disorders. And since she was almost sure enough to make the diagnosis without the hysteroscopy, and since my symptoms line up with PCOS like dominoes, I'm operating under the assumption that this is what my problem is. And if I'm wrong, it can't really hurt anything, other than giving me a sense of misplaced hope.
For the curious, the skeptical, and those who just like to read TMI, these are my symptoms and co-indicators:
Here's my plan of attack:
Whether or not I actually have PCOS, if I can stick to this plan I'm sure it will probably fix at least 90% of what's wrong with me, including the ADD, low energy and depressive tendencies. Not to mention the insulin resistance and all of the problems that stem from that.
So basically, I just have to start treating myself like I'm diabetic, and all of my hormones and body chemicals and brain chemicals and what-not should fall in line, balance out, and start behaving properly. I guess if my acne clears up and I stop having to tweeze those weird hairs, then I'll know I'm on the right track.
At any rate, this is the one area of my life I actually have control over, and I'm ready to grasp it by the horns and show it who's boss. Hopefully, the success of Project Oven Repair will coincide with the success of Project Make Some Money, Dammit, and then we'll truly be ready for another round of TTC.
I guess I should back up and explain why I'm so sure that PCOS is the source of all my baby woes. I've had symptoms for years, but none of my doctors--GPs, OBs, gynecologists, internal medicine specialists--have ever suggested that these symptoms might add up to PCOS.
Until my follow-up appointment at the women's clinic after my D&C, with an OB/GYN I'd never seen before, who looked at my history and my symptoms and asked me, "Have you ever been treated for PCOS?" When I said no, she went on to describe the symptoms, and it felt like a light bulb went on, shining its light on exactly what the problem is.
She wanted to do a hysteroscopy to verify the diagnosis, but we couldn't get it scheduled before my insurance ran out. We DID get my thrombophilia workup done before it ran out, though, and it ruled out any blood-clotting disorders. And since she was almost sure enough to make the diagnosis without the hysteroscopy, and since my symptoms line up with PCOS like dominoes, I'm operating under the assumption that this is what my problem is. And if I'm wrong, it can't really hurt anything, other than giving me a sense of misplaced hope.
For the curious, the skeptical, and those who just like to read TMI, these are my symptoms and co-indicators:
- I'm overweight.
- I have middle-age acne.
- I have hypothyroidism.
- I have mild hirsutism (i.e. unsightly, whisker-like chin, neck and chest hairs; I've always just tweezed them, told myself they were probably normal and then got on with my life, but now I know better).
- My periods have only ever been regular when I'm on BC, and even then there's occasional variance, and they're always, ALWAYS painful.
- I have classic symptoms of insulin resistance (overweight, foggy brain, chronic fatigue and sleepiness, irritability and nausea if my blood sugar gets low, etc.), which is a root cause of PCOS.
Here's my plan of attack:
- Stick to the Zone diet, and be strict about it. This means getting most of my carbs from low-glycemic fruits and veggies instead of, y'know, just having some protein with a yummy slice of pumpkin bread and calling that a "Zone-balanced meal."
- Increase my sea-food intake, and take as much pharma-quality fish oil as I can afford on top of that.
- Work out at least 4 times a week.
- Transition from the ADD-focused multi-vitamins I've been taking (e.g. Mega Mind, Higher Mind and/or Mental Edge, all from Source Naturals) to a quality pre-natal multi with high doses of Chromium, Magnesium, Zinc, and B-vitamins.
- Add in a Co-Q10 supplement.
- Ween myself off of caffeine, ginseng and sugar (including all processed and high-glycemic carbs).
Whether or not I actually have PCOS, if I can stick to this plan I'm sure it will probably fix at least 90% of what's wrong with me, including the ADD, low energy and depressive tendencies. Not to mention the insulin resistance and all of the problems that stem from that.
So basically, I just have to start treating myself like I'm diabetic, and all of my hormones and body chemicals and brain chemicals and what-not should fall in line, balance out, and start behaving properly. I guess if my acne clears up and I stop having to tweeze those weird hairs, then I'll know I'm on the right track.
At any rate, this is the one area of my life I actually have control over, and I'm ready to grasp it by the horns and show it who's boss. Hopefully, the success of Project Oven Repair will coincide with the success of Project Make Some Money, Dammit, and then we'll truly be ready for another round of TTC.
January 18, 2011
Those 2011 Goals Are Starting To Come Along
Lately I've had my head down, hard at work on Goal #1 - making my business more profitable. I wish I could say it's already done, but all of the marketing stuff I've done so far is just the tip of the ice burg, and so far I don't have any new clients or increased web site traffic to show for it. That's a little discouraging. But it's still early, and there's still a lot to do, and I know it's going to take time. I need to stick with it. I know that if I do, by the grace of God, things will take off eventually.
Last week, I got started on Goal #5 - Run a 5K. That should really be renamed to Get My Body Ready To Make a Baby, because that's the true goal. I've been reading up on PCOS, and apparently that condition can be controlled, possibly even eliminated, with a low-glycemic diet and plenty of exercise.
Of course, I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS, thanks to my insurance running out before the OB/GYN at the clinic could test me. But I have several of the symptoms, and I just have a gut feeling that it's what caused my miscarriages.
Reading about women who've dieted their way to controlling it and having successful pregnancies has given me a lot of hope, and it's motivating me to get back on/stay on track. I've found that when I'm faced with temptation, I just need to ask myself, do I want a baby, or do I want fill-in-the-blank-temptation? Be lazy and don't exercize, or be able to have a baby? Cake, or Baby? I guess maybe that's not quite as clear-cut a choice for some as cake or death, but for me, it's working.
So I guess that also ties into Goal #2, although I still need to get health insurance. But that comes back around to Goal #1, upon which most of my other goals also rely. And so: I'm keeping my head down, working on making that one happen. So it goes.
Last week, I got started on Goal #5 - Run a 5K. That should really be renamed to Get My Body Ready To Make a Baby, because that's the true goal. I've been reading up on PCOS, and apparently that condition can be controlled, possibly even eliminated, with a low-glycemic diet and plenty of exercise.
Of course, I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS, thanks to my insurance running out before the OB/GYN at the clinic could test me. But I have several of the symptoms, and I just have a gut feeling that it's what caused my miscarriages.
Reading about women who've dieted their way to controlling it and having successful pregnancies has given me a lot of hope, and it's motivating me to get back on/stay on track. I've found that when I'm faced with temptation, I just need to ask myself, do I want a baby, or do I want fill-in-the-blank-temptation? Be lazy and don't exercize, or be able to have a baby? Cake, or Baby? I guess maybe that's not quite as clear-cut a choice for some as cake or death, but for me, it's working.
So I guess that also ties into Goal #2, although I still need to get health insurance. But that comes back around to Goal #1, upon which most of my other goals also rely. And so: I'm keeping my head down, working on making that one happen. So it goes.
November 11, 2010
Life Happens Once Again. It Must Be November.
It seems to be an inevitable happenstance of NaNoWriMo that whenever I really start making headway on my novel, Life Happens in such a way that I'm forced to do a major priority shift for the rest of the month. On Tuesday evening my mom-in-law called to let us know that she'd got up that morning to find her husband (Matt's step-dad) lying unconscious in the hallway and had him rushed to the hospital after she couldn't wake him up. He'd apparently collapsed from a combo of extremely low electrolytes and extremely high blood sugar (he's diabetic), and was suffering kidney failure and respiratory failure. He's been in ICU in an induced coma and hooked up to a ventilator ever since. His blood chemistry is improving, though, so his doctors are optimistic that he'll pull through. We're remaining hopeful and doing our best to trust that whatever happens, God is in control of the situation.
I feel terrible for my MIL right now. Her husband is disabled (he has emphysema on top of diabetes and is tethered to an oxygen tank at all times) and highly dependent on her, but she's been out of work for the last six months or so. They're struggling to make ends meet, and the only insurance they currently have is the limited Medicaid coverage he gets. So to help keep a roof over their heads, they've been basically living on ramen noodles and cutting back on both of their medications. So I know she's feeling at least partially responsible, even though she was just doing the best she could in a crappy situation.
Matt and I had no idea how badly off they were, because she doesn't want to worry us. But now that we know we're going to do everything we can to make sure they have healthy food to eat and can take all of their meds. It won't be that easy for us, either, since we're not exactly overflowing with disposable income, but this is just more opportunity to trust in the Lord's provision--something I've gotten pretty good at over the last couple of years.
I've been keeping my head down (read: staying off of Twitter and other fun parts of the Internet) all week, trying to get on top of my work after several projects all heated up at once toward the end of last week. I'm pretty well caught up, but I'm going to stay in head-down mode today to get ahead so I can take a long weekend to focus on my in-laws.
As for NaNoWriMo, so far I've managed to keep up my word count (not that you'd know it by the yellow boxes on that widget in the previous post--apparently it only lights up green if you actually write 1,667 words that day, regardless of whether your overall word count is ahead of where it should be), and I'm going to do my best to keep it up. Of course it's fallen a few notches on the priority list right now, but to keep writing diligently through a crisis is a skill I badly need to learn. Normally, the slightest crisis or upheaval makes me throw up my hands and banish writing to the back burner, a practice that's not going to serve me if I ever want to have a career in writing fiction.
At any rate, if you are the praying sort and could remember my in-laws in your prayers, both they and we will really appreciate it.
I feel terrible for my MIL right now. Her husband is disabled (he has emphysema on top of diabetes and is tethered to an oxygen tank at all times) and highly dependent on her, but she's been out of work for the last six months or so. They're struggling to make ends meet, and the only insurance they currently have is the limited Medicaid coverage he gets. So to help keep a roof over their heads, they've been basically living on ramen noodles and cutting back on both of their medications. So I know she's feeling at least partially responsible, even though she was just doing the best she could in a crappy situation.
Matt and I had no idea how badly off they were, because she doesn't want to worry us. But now that we know we're going to do everything we can to make sure they have healthy food to eat and can take all of their meds. It won't be that easy for us, either, since we're not exactly overflowing with disposable income, but this is just more opportunity to trust in the Lord's provision--something I've gotten pretty good at over the last couple of years.
I've been keeping my head down (read: staying off of Twitter and other fun parts of the Internet) all week, trying to get on top of my work after several projects all heated up at once toward the end of last week. I'm pretty well caught up, but I'm going to stay in head-down mode today to get ahead so I can take a long weekend to focus on my in-laws.
As for NaNoWriMo, so far I've managed to keep up my word count (not that you'd know it by the yellow boxes on that widget in the previous post--apparently it only lights up green if you actually write 1,667 words that day, regardless of whether your overall word count is ahead of where it should be), and I'm going to do my best to keep it up. Of course it's fallen a few notches on the priority list right now, but to keep writing diligently through a crisis is a skill I badly need to learn. Normally, the slightest crisis or upheaval makes me throw up my hands and banish writing to the back burner, a practice that's not going to serve me if I ever want to have a career in writing fiction.
At any rate, if you are the praying sort and could remember my in-laws in your prayers, both they and we will really appreciate it.
April 26, 2010
Monday Fail
I meant to wake up early (for me) today and kick things into high gear and show my professional life who's boss. Instead I overslept and had to scramble to eat breakfast and wake my brain all the way up and de-stinkify my office-slash-cat toilet in time for a conference call, only to log on in the nick of time to see that the client postponed it a couple of hours. So here I am blogging instead. So much for taking this work week by the horns.
Also pwning me today is the weather, who's cloudy skies and cooler temperatures are sucking away all of my motivation to keep up with my walking regimen. Maybe it's just nature's way of telling me to stop talking about doing pilates again and start doing them already.
I guess I should move them from my Wanna Do list over to my Must Do list. See, the other day when I was feeling like there's not nearly enough balance in my life between doing things for other people and doing things for myself, I made those lists, both on the same notebook page with a line drawn down the center. On the Must Do side is all of my work and home obligations, and on the Want side are all of the personal projects I keep putting off in order to meet those obligations...
...and I just dribbled coffee on my shirt, because that's just the kind of spaz I am...
...with the idea being that for every three things I cross off of the Must side I earn myself an hour to devote to the Want side. The problem, of course, is making myself stop working on the Must Dos long enough to redeem the Want hours. Although, blogging is on the Wanna Do side, so I guess I'm redeeming part of it right now.
And lest I give anyone the impression that I'm some kind of workaholic, I should disclose that a lot of the time I could be working on the Wanna Do projects is instead spent on things like napping and watching TV and reading about TV on the internet. So, yeah, I don't need more time so much as better time management and discipline. The impending summer hiatus ought to help out with that.
In other news, my insurance said they would cover the thrombophilia testing, so I had that done on Friday, when they drew so much blood that I really thought they should have given me some juice and a cookie before sending me on my way. I probably won't learn the results until my next appointment mid-May. Meanwhile, I've become slightly paranoid about the possibility of keeling over from an embolism, and have started taking a daily aspirin to thin my blood, just in case. And typing that just made me feel so old.
I still have an hour to kill before my conference call. I think I'll spend it on the Wanna Do list. Because I've earned it.
Also pwning me today is the weather, who's cloudy skies and cooler temperatures are sucking away all of my motivation to keep up with my walking regimen. Maybe it's just nature's way of telling me to stop talking about doing pilates again and start doing them already.
I guess I should move them from my Wanna Do list over to my Must Do list. See, the other day when I was feeling like there's not nearly enough balance in my life between doing things for other people and doing things for myself, I made those lists, both on the same notebook page with a line drawn down the center. On the Must Do side is all of my work and home obligations, and on the Want side are all of the personal projects I keep putting off in order to meet those obligations...
...and I just dribbled coffee on my shirt, because that's just the kind of spaz I am...
...with the idea being that for every three things I cross off of the Must side I earn myself an hour to devote to the Want side. The problem, of course, is making myself stop working on the Must Dos long enough to redeem the Want hours. Although, blogging is on the Wanna Do side, so I guess I'm redeeming part of it right now.
And lest I give anyone the impression that I'm some kind of workaholic, I should disclose that a lot of the time I could be working on the Wanna Do projects is instead spent on things like napping and watching TV and reading about TV on the internet. So, yeah, I don't need more time so much as better time management and discipline. The impending summer hiatus ought to help out with that.
In other news, my insurance said they would cover the thrombophilia testing, so I had that done on Friday, when they drew so much blood that I really thought they should have given me some juice and a cookie before sending me on my way. I probably won't learn the results until my next appointment mid-May. Meanwhile, I've become slightly paranoid about the possibility of keeling over from an embolism, and have started taking a daily aspirin to thin my blood, just in case. And typing that just made me feel so old.
I still have an hour to kill before my conference call. I think I'll spend it on the Wanna Do list. Because I've earned it.
April 20, 2010
Checkup
I had a doctor's appointment today, to follow up from my surgery. Physically, I appear to be recovering on schedule. Emotionally, as I told the doctor, I'm still a bit shaky. She went over the tests available to me in more detail, so I can call my insurance provider and find out what they cover. The main priority, she said, is to have a thrombophilia workup, to check for various kinds of blood and clotting disorders. She also wants to get me back in to check for fibroids and ovarian cysts. I'm fairly optimistic that my insurance will cover these, since they check for things that can potentially threaten my life, in addition to the lives of any future babies we try to have.
I left the clinic today with mixed feelings. Not about having the tests -- I'm definitely going to have them, if they're covered, and maybe even if they're not covered if there's even a chance that they can prevent any more miscarriages. But that's the thing -- if there's something wrong with ME, with my body, that's causing this to happen... well. On the one hand, if it's treatable, and that means that I can go on to have a healthy pregnancy, then hallelujah! But on the other hand... I'd kind of assumed that there was some kind of genetic or chromosomal defect that kept each of my babies from surviving more than a few weeks. But if it's me? If the babies were both fine and the only reason they died is that my body failed them? That thought breaks what's left of my heart right in two.
I can't think about it too much right now, and keep myself together. I know that it does no good to blame myself, so I don't need anyone to tell me that. No matter what the true cause was, I'll never know, and I can't change it, and I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, either time. I know this. So tomorrow I'll buck up and call the insurance company and see what my options are, and we'll go from there.
I left the clinic today with mixed feelings. Not about having the tests -- I'm definitely going to have them, if they're covered, and maybe even if they're not covered if there's even a chance that they can prevent any more miscarriages. But that's the thing -- if there's something wrong with ME, with my body, that's causing this to happen... well. On the one hand, if it's treatable, and that means that I can go on to have a healthy pregnancy, then hallelujah! But on the other hand... I'd kind of assumed that there was some kind of genetic or chromosomal defect that kept each of my babies from surviving more than a few weeks. But if it's me? If the babies were both fine and the only reason they died is that my body failed them? That thought breaks what's left of my heart right in two.
I can't think about it too much right now, and keep myself together. I know that it does no good to blame myself, so I don't need anyone to tell me that. No matter what the true cause was, I'll never know, and I can't change it, and I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, either time. I know this. So tomorrow I'll buck up and call the insurance company and see what my options are, and we'll go from there.
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