He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. —Psalm 113:9

June 5, 2006

DIY Rewiring

This post by Doug Cootey about “closing the gap” between the moment you recognize a debilitating affect (i.e., depression) and the moment of onset has a ring of truth to it, as well as a ring of familiarity. I realized as I read it that it describes pretty much the same process that, as a Christian, I use to move from recognizing that I’ve committed a sinful behavior and need to repent to recognizing that I’m about to sin and need to make the decision not to.

This sounds like such a simplistic approach to dealing with something as complex as a mental disorder, but I also realized that I’ve been intuitively applying this process to both my ADD behaviors and my monthly hormonal depression and moodiness for years. Just as it hasn’t eliminated sin from my life (and never will), it hasn’t eliminated disruptive behaviors, but it has managed to lessen both the frequency and impact of both on my life as well as the lives of my loved ones.

And it occurred to me, what is sin but the ultimate mental illness? I believe in the concept of original sin (and for the record, it’s not my intent with this post to preach at you; I’m simply drawing a comparison), that basically since the fall we’re all hardwired toward selfish, sinful behavior. Just like I’m hardwired toward distractibility, zoning out and getting anxious about how my time is used, just like others are hardwired toward depression. Just like every single one of us have at least one bad habit that is simply a result of our programming and not something we consciously choose or even want to do.

But the thing is, you can overcome sin. I believe it’s done by the grace of God, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have to do our part in choosing and actively working to improve our behavior. It can be done. We are not slaves to our wiring. If this is true of the ultimate debilitating disorder, one that every single one of us suffer, then shouldn’t it be true of “lesser” disorders like ADD and depression (and just to be perfectly clear, IN NO WAY am I saying or trying to imply that ADD, depression or any other mental disorder is a sin. Contrary to what a lot of my fellow Christians seem to believe, it is NOT a sin to have negative feelings. Nor is it a sin to seek professional help when those negative feelings start to control your life. Again: comparison)? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If I can overcome sin ruling my life, I can certainly overcome letting my days be ruled by ADD or hormones, and I’m realizing that I can do it by much the same process I use to deal with gossiping or grumbling or holding grudges or a myriad of other sins I try to overcome on a daily basis.

But even if you’re not a Christian I think this method can work. The first step is to accept that a problem exists. The second step is to recognize that it’s up to you (and this is a general “you” which includes me) to take responsibility to work to change it. But as Doug points out, just as with any bad habit, you have to want to change, more than you want to keep doing or giving into whatever it is that’s creating the problem. But that’s the beauty of being human—we CAN change. We DO have choices, and we are NOT slaves to our wiring.

The trick, as outlined in Doug’s essay, is to move from recognizing that we’ve done a thing or let a thing control us to recognizing that we’re about to, and getting to the point where we can make a conscious choice. Just like I made a choice to write this response instead of clicking through and surfing my way to distraction. Just like I made a choice to get up Saturday morning and clean out the closet instead of letting myself sit around feeling overwhelmed and depressed about how much there is to do around the house and look for ways to avoid even thinking about it. And just like I realized that I was getting moody with Matt yesterday for no good reason and managed to talk myself out of being irritable with him. It’s a constant struggle, and not something I think I’ll ever stop having to work very hard at, but it’s worth it for how much it improves the quality of my life and my relationships.

In short: excellent advice, Doug.

~~~

In other news: my foot still hurts; X-Men 3 was a little disappointing; Matt’s side of the bedroom closet is empty and ready for him to move his stuff in (after the wedding, natch); and we are now registered at Target, who gives you a cute little tote bag filled with catalogues and stuff when you register in the store. Yay Target!

2 comments:

D.R. Cootey said...

Obviously, stopping a nasty habit like biting nails, or gossiping, isn't on the same scale as trying to get your brain to cooperate with you. LOL Perhaps a closer parallel to draw would be to compare conquering addiction to conquering absentmindedness or depression. The mind is compelled to act in a destructive way and we must work hard to convince it otherwise. Unlike biting nails or even vice, we cannot stop being an addict or having depression, but we can stop letting it reign over us.

My religious beliefs tend to be very private so I don't share them like I do my struggles with disability. It's not that I'm ashamed; I just don't want to cast pearls before swine as the expression goes. However, the idea to combat depression with optimism came as an answer to a prayer, and I can't deny my "closing the gap" technique was influenced by my experiences in conquering sin. I just never directly made that parallel. Sin is usually pleasurable and appealing in one way or another. I hardly think the same of AD/HD or Depression. LOL

Jean Bauhaus said...

That's awesome. And no, ADD isn't pleasurable or momentarily satisfying like sin tends to be, yet it's crazy how difficult it is to let go of the destructive behaviors it brings, especially when you've fallen into the trap of identifying yourself by your disorder. It's scary to try to change, scarier still to think you need to change. There is a certain amount of satisfaction in indulging your disabilities and wrapping them around you like a warm blanket. It tends to create the illusion of safety, even as it destroys everything around you.

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