I feel like this blog is in as much of a holding pattern as I am, just hanging in there waiting for conditions to be right (or at least close enough) for it to become an TTC/Overcoming IF blog, and then hopefully transition into a pregnancy blog and then a mommy blog. But for now it's just kind of... here, like me, and I feel obliged to do an update every now and then so people don't forget this blog is here, even though there's not really that much to update about, because the status quo is boring.
I haven't been feeling that great lately, so I guess that's something different. Since Tuesday I've been fighting fatigue, just wanting to sleep constantly. If it was accompanied by sore boobs I'd be awfully suspicious, but AF showed up this morning, so that cause is definitely out--although there was pretty much no chance it could have been that, anyway. I think PMS and dreary weather were a big part of it, because now that the sun's been out a few days and my hormones are settling back down I'm starting to feel slightly more energetic, although I'm still having a heck of a time dragging myself out of bed in the morning.
I'm sure the fact that I haven't been working out much lately isn't helping. Although I thought that might be the cause on Wednesday, and took advantage of a short break in the clouds to go for a walk in the sunshine hoping that would make me feel better, but all that did was make me feel like puking the rest of the day. I've been taking it easy because my knee has been feeling jacked up, but "taking it easy" was supposed to mean walking instead of running and doing Pilates and other low-impact stuff, and instead it has meant not doing much of anything at all. So I'm going to drag myself out there later today and go for a twenty minute walk and get back into a fitness routine, although I'll go ahead and stick to low-impact stuff until my knee stops threatening to give out. I REEEEEALLY can't afford a knee injury right now.
With all of this, plus craving (and indulging in) all kinds of comfort food during the rainy and chilly weather, I think it's safe to say that I will NOT be down to a size 10 by my birthday. So I guess instead of new jeans I'll just get a nice new belt to hold up my current jeans once they start fitting loosely.
In other news, I have a new design client, but it's a one-project deal, so it won't be steady work. I need to get busy this week trying to round up another client project so we'll be able to pay next month's bills. I also finished the second draft of my next novel, and I'm waiting for my beta readers to finish it and give me feedback so I can do the third and final draft, which is to say that it will be out soon. I need to wait and see the extent of things that need to be fixed before I decide on an official release date, but it should be in the next month or two.
Matt got his camera, finally -- a Canon Rebel, although beyond that I'm not sure of the specifics. He's been practicing with it and studying photography books, and soon he'll be ready to start a photo blog. Hopefully we'll be able to afford for him to take some photography classes this summer. But I'm impressed with a lot of what he's done so far. I think he's got a real talent for it, and he'll be great once he really learns what he's doing.
And that's what's happening in the world of us.
March 25, 2012
March 15, 2012
160
That’s what I weigh right now. Well, it’s what I weighed last week when I remembered to step on the scales and check. It might be a bit lower now. Of course, that’s on my cheap bathroom scales, which typically run about 10 pounds lighter than doctor’s scales; sure enough, last time I was at the pharmacy I stepped on their scales and weighed in at 170.
But this, 160 pounds measured on my bathroom scales, is my wedding weight. At this moment, I could go put on my wedding gown and zip it up and look as good as I did on my wedding day. My BMI is right on the line between “normal” and “overweight” for my height. I haven’t checked my blood sugar in a while—I keep forgetting to do that, but I’ll try to remember to check it this weekend. It’s hard to remember to do it first thing in the morning. I guess I should make myself a note.
I still want to lose 10 more pounds. That will make me officially 160 according to the doctor’s scales, and solidly in the “normal” BMI range, and a size 10, and also the thinnest I’ve been since I was a freshman in high school. It will also leave me a nice, wide margin for error if and when I finally do get pregnant, to gain baby weight without having to worry about what it’s doing to my blood sugar and worrying what that, in turn, is doing to my baby.
But now, this moment, I’m SO much healthier than I was this time last year, both physically and emotionally. I’ve come a long way. Which is not to say that there aren’t still hard times. Just two nights ago I had a mini meltdown over, once again, frustration that our financial situation is forcing us to put our conception plans on hold a while longer. And I have to admit that that frustration’s getting worse the closer we get to my birthday, because I really, really want to have a baby before I turn 40 and, well, tick tock. But over all, I have peace from day to day, and a good feeling that things are falling into line, and that when we do finally have our baby, we’ll be different people than we were the first time I got pregnant, and we’ll be better parents than we would have been to our lost babies. And I still mourn them, and miss them, but I’m not, on a day-to-day basis, just sick with grief and heartbreak the way I was feeling last year. I’m healing, and I’m a lot stronger now, and I’m ready to take on whatever is in store.
Just, y’know, here’s hoping that what’s in store is success for our business followed by a successful pregnancy.
But this, 160 pounds measured on my bathroom scales, is my wedding weight. At this moment, I could go put on my wedding gown and zip it up and look as good as I did on my wedding day. My BMI is right on the line between “normal” and “overweight” for my height. I haven’t checked my blood sugar in a while—I keep forgetting to do that, but I’ll try to remember to check it this weekend. It’s hard to remember to do it first thing in the morning. I guess I should make myself a note.
I still want to lose 10 more pounds. That will make me officially 160 according to the doctor’s scales, and solidly in the “normal” BMI range, and a size 10, and also the thinnest I’ve been since I was a freshman in high school. It will also leave me a nice, wide margin for error if and when I finally do get pregnant, to gain baby weight without having to worry about what it’s doing to my blood sugar and worrying what that, in turn, is doing to my baby.
But now, this moment, I’m SO much healthier than I was this time last year, both physically and emotionally. I’ve come a long way. Which is not to say that there aren’t still hard times. Just two nights ago I had a mini meltdown over, once again, frustration that our financial situation is forcing us to put our conception plans on hold a while longer. And I have to admit that that frustration’s getting worse the closer we get to my birthday, because I really, really want to have a baby before I turn 40 and, well, tick tock. But over all, I have peace from day to day, and a good feeling that things are falling into line, and that when we do finally have our baby, we’ll be different people than we were the first time I got pregnant, and we’ll be better parents than we would have been to our lost babies. And I still mourn them, and miss them, but I’m not, on a day-to-day basis, just sick with grief and heartbreak the way I was feeling last year. I’m healing, and I’m a lot stronger now, and I’m ready to take on whatever is in store.
Just, y’know, here’s hoping that what’s in store is success for our business followed by a successful pregnancy.
February 27, 2012
Unfracked.
That thing I linked to the other day, the one I said was resonating with me? About un-effing your environment and habits and life? The next day I started playing along, and I started a Tumblr for it. I'm doing my best to keep it SFW, but occasionally I might re-blog something that's NSFW, so be warned.
At any rate, this project seems to be working. My house is slowly but surely coming together, and I'm starting to feel like I'm more together, and I think maybe that this is what being a grownup feels like. And it's a good feeling.
In other news, I've started jogging again. I can't remember if I mentioned that in my last post, but I have, and I'm still at it. I'm almost up to being able to do two-minute stretches. I don't have a timer, so I'm having to count paces instead of time, but I did time myself enough to know that I go at about two paces per second, so that's 120 paces per minute. And today I got up to 200 paces without feeling like I was going to die. If I kept going, I probably would have felt like dying, though. So I'll hold steady at 200 this week, and next week try for 220, and see how that goes.
I haven't been weighing myself (but I should probably start doing that regularly again), but my size 12 jeans are starting to get baggy, so I must be losing. My diet isn't 100% back to where it was pre-holiday season, but it's probably about 90% Zone/low-glycemic/healthy. I just need to be a little more diligent about eating my veggies and finish weaning myself off of sugar. But I'm hoping to get down to a size 10 by my birthday, so I can get some new jeans as a birthday present. I think it's doable.
I realize I came off as really down in my last post, and I'm not, really. I was hormonal that day, and I was SUPER hormonal the day I was thinking all of those depressing thoughts. I just want everyone to know that, most of the time, especially the times when my hormones aren't making me insane, I'm okay. I'm pretty content and at peace with where we are (in life, that is; not so much with our physical location. I really want to move) and with what we have, which is everything we truly need. And I've only been out of work a little over a week, and I've got a conference call scheduled for Wednesday with a potential new client, so things on the work front aren't all gloom and despair.
And yes, I am frustrated and still get down sometimes about our finances not yet being sufficient to TTC responsibly, but I also still have work I need to do to get my health and body ready first. So, you know. I'm having faith that if it's meant to happen, it will happen when God knows we're good and ready for it to happen. In the mean time, we've got self and home and financial improvements to get done. So I'm mostly in a pretty good place these days.
At any rate, this project seems to be working. My house is slowly but surely coming together, and I'm starting to feel like I'm more together, and I think maybe that this is what being a grownup feels like. And it's a good feeling.
In other news, I've started jogging again. I can't remember if I mentioned that in my last post, but I have, and I'm still at it. I'm almost up to being able to do two-minute stretches. I don't have a timer, so I'm having to count paces instead of time, but I did time myself enough to know that I go at about two paces per second, so that's 120 paces per minute. And today I got up to 200 paces without feeling like I was going to die. If I kept going, I probably would have felt like dying, though. So I'll hold steady at 200 this week, and next week try for 220, and see how that goes.
I haven't been weighing myself (but I should probably start doing that regularly again), but my size 12 jeans are starting to get baggy, so I must be losing. My diet isn't 100% back to where it was pre-holiday season, but it's probably about 90% Zone/low-glycemic/healthy. I just need to be a little more diligent about eating my veggies and finish weaning myself off of sugar. But I'm hoping to get down to a size 10 by my birthday, so I can get some new jeans as a birthday present. I think it's doable.
I realize I came off as really down in my last post, and I'm not, really. I was hormonal that day, and I was SUPER hormonal the day I was thinking all of those depressing thoughts. I just want everyone to know that, most of the time, especially the times when my hormones aren't making me insane, I'm okay. I'm pretty content and at peace with where we are (in life, that is; not so much with our physical location. I really want to move) and with what we have, which is everything we truly need. And I've only been out of work a little over a week, and I've got a conference call scheduled for Wednesday with a potential new client, so things on the work front aren't all gloom and despair.
And yes, I am frustrated and still get down sometimes about our finances not yet being sufficient to TTC responsibly, but I also still have work I need to do to get my health and body ready first. So, you know. I'm having faith that if it's meant to happen, it will happen when God knows we're good and ready for it to happen. In the mean time, we've got self and home and financial improvements to get done. So I'm mostly in a pretty good place these days.
February 22, 2012
The State Of Me
This is resonating with me. Both that tumblr and the one it's referencing contain copious F-bombs and other language, so before you click the link let me explain. It's a tumblr started by a fiction author whose blog I sometimes follow, dedicated to following her progress as she figures out how to run her life like a grown-up.
Anyway, it's resonating with me because hi, I'm going to be 39 in six weeks. This is distressing for two primary reasons, one of which you can probably guess if you've been following along here, which is the one where I really want to have a baby before I'm 40, but that seems to be becoming less and less likely to happen. The other reason is simply that 39 is only one year away from 40, and people in their forties are supposed to have their lives much more together than I do. I mean, seriously. I had every expectation that, by the time I reached this stage of my life, I would have figured out how to act like a reasonable adult human being who can manage her finances and keep a clean house and wake up before 10 AM and not call changing from pajama pants into sweat pants "getting dressed." EXPECTATION: UNMET.
Sigh.
So, it's been a while. How've you been?
I've been vacillating between okay and not so okay, but mostly, I've been okay. I mean, I haven't been posting here because the baby project and the diet project have both been hung up in limbo, the baby project because we have to make some major improvements to our finances before we can even go there, and the diet project because I can't just do dieting in the winter. Although I have managed to maintain my weight loss, so I'm pretty proud of that. But now that the weather is warmer and the days are longer, I'm starting to work out regularly again, and I've got my eating habits mostly back to where they were pre-holidays, so I'm starting to lose again, little by little. My current goal is to be down to a size 10 by my birthday. But when nothing is moving forward, there's not a lot to say about it; and the parts of my life that have had movement are covered over at my Profeshunal Writur blog. On a personal blog focusing mainly on getting healthy and battling IF, there's really not much to say when nothing is happening in those areas and everything is pretty much okay.
Except, of course, when it's not. And there are plenty of days when it's not. For about a month I managed to not think too much about having to put off TTC and to just be okay with it, but that's getting harder to do, and the not okay moments are increasing. There are moments like today, when we were on our way home from a mild spending spree at Target, the first time in months that we've been able to loosen our belts a bit and buy a few small wants instead of strictly needs, thanks to Husband's student loan money. And it's fun to spend on wants, even small ones, especially when you haven't done it in so long, and today was a beautiful day, and we were both in a great mood. And then Matt pointed to a truck idling next to us at a stop light, a really nice truck, and started talking about how he'd like a truck like that some day, and I just became overwhelmed with this absolute certainty that our financial situation will never improve, that we'll never get to have nice things, we'll never be able to afford to start a family, we'll never get out of debt, and we'll spend the rest of our lives just scraping by and struggling to hang on to the little that we do have. And even though I don't particularly want a truck of any kind, I became suddenly angry with Matt for showing me nice things that are so completely out of our reach that they might as well be on another planet, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears on the spot.
So yeah, there are times like that.
I'm out of work again, which isn't helping. Things were going great for a while -- I had some steady support clients, and although I was undercharging for my services and therefore having to work my butt off just to make ends meet, at least I was working, and the ends were indeed meeting. But then all of my clients left me at once, for various reasons, as always happens. Projects got wrapped up, in-house employees were found to possess my same skill-set, other freelancers were found who charge even less than I was charging. And while things were still going so well, I raised my prices and changed my business, and Matt and I decided that he would be my partner and be in charge of sales and helping me drum up business. Except we haven't managed to drum up any yet. And while I've only been out of work for a week, and Matt and I are still strategizing about the best way to approach potential clients, and we're going out tomorrow to introduce ourselves to some leads, and I know that these things take time and I knew that it wouldn't turn around overnight, I'm still having to fight the urge to panic and give up and undo all of the changes and go back to not charging enough to earn a decent living.
Anybody need some web design work done? Or know somebody who does? Because I'm available, and I could use the work.
But I'm mostly just thanking God that the gigs all dried up right when we got Matt's student loan refund, so we've got a bit of a cushion, and really, there's no reason to panic. And I'm doing my best to trust that the work will start flowing in again when we really need it to, which is what it's been doing without fail for the last three years. And I'm really, really grateful that we've been able to hold onto our house and pay all of our bills and keep the 'fridge stocked, and I know that we're so incredibly blessed just to have everything we truly need. But, man, you guys, just once, it would be so nice to be able to get ahead, to have the money not dry up, to not have to rely on cushions and to be able to make some actual progress paying off our debt, to be in a position to help people and give to charity without a second thought instead of feeling like a charity case.
But mostly, I just want to be able to afford to get pregnant and have a baby. That shouldn't feel like so much to ask.
Anyway, it's resonating with me because hi, I'm going to be 39 in six weeks. This is distressing for two primary reasons, one of which you can probably guess if you've been following along here, which is the one where I really want to have a baby before I'm 40, but that seems to be becoming less and less likely to happen. The other reason is simply that 39 is only one year away from 40, and people in their forties are supposed to have their lives much more together than I do. I mean, seriously. I had every expectation that, by the time I reached this stage of my life, I would have figured out how to act like a reasonable adult human being who can manage her finances and keep a clean house and wake up before 10 AM and not call changing from pajama pants into sweat pants "getting dressed." EXPECTATION: UNMET.
Sigh.
So, it's been a while. How've you been?
I've been vacillating between okay and not so okay, but mostly, I've been okay. I mean, I haven't been posting here because the baby project and the diet project have both been hung up in limbo, the baby project because we have to make some major improvements to our finances before we can even go there, and the diet project because I can't just do dieting in the winter. Although I have managed to maintain my weight loss, so I'm pretty proud of that. But now that the weather is warmer and the days are longer, I'm starting to work out regularly again, and I've got my eating habits mostly back to where they were pre-holidays, so I'm starting to lose again, little by little. My current goal is to be down to a size 10 by my birthday. But when nothing is moving forward, there's not a lot to say about it; and the parts of my life that have had movement are covered over at my Profeshunal Writur blog. On a personal blog focusing mainly on getting healthy and battling IF, there's really not much to say when nothing is happening in those areas and everything is pretty much okay.
Except, of course, when it's not. And there are plenty of days when it's not. For about a month I managed to not think too much about having to put off TTC and to just be okay with it, but that's getting harder to do, and the not okay moments are increasing. There are moments like today, when we were on our way home from a mild spending spree at Target, the first time in months that we've been able to loosen our belts a bit and buy a few small wants instead of strictly needs, thanks to Husband's student loan money. And it's fun to spend on wants, even small ones, especially when you haven't done it in so long, and today was a beautiful day, and we were both in a great mood. And then Matt pointed to a truck idling next to us at a stop light, a really nice truck, and started talking about how he'd like a truck like that some day, and I just became overwhelmed with this absolute certainty that our financial situation will never improve, that we'll never get to have nice things, we'll never be able to afford to start a family, we'll never get out of debt, and we'll spend the rest of our lives just scraping by and struggling to hang on to the little that we do have. And even though I don't particularly want a truck of any kind, I became suddenly angry with Matt for showing me nice things that are so completely out of our reach that they might as well be on another planet, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears on the spot.
So yeah, there are times like that.
I'm out of work again, which isn't helping. Things were going great for a while -- I had some steady support clients, and although I was undercharging for my services and therefore having to work my butt off just to make ends meet, at least I was working, and the ends were indeed meeting. But then all of my clients left me at once, for various reasons, as always happens. Projects got wrapped up, in-house employees were found to possess my same skill-set, other freelancers were found who charge even less than I was charging. And while things were still going so well, I raised my prices and changed my business, and Matt and I decided that he would be my partner and be in charge of sales and helping me drum up business. Except we haven't managed to drum up any yet. And while I've only been out of work for a week, and Matt and I are still strategizing about the best way to approach potential clients, and we're going out tomorrow to introduce ourselves to some leads, and I know that these things take time and I knew that it wouldn't turn around overnight, I'm still having to fight the urge to panic and give up and undo all of the changes and go back to not charging enough to earn a decent living.
Anybody need some web design work done? Or know somebody who does? Because I'm available, and I could use the work.
But I'm mostly just thanking God that the gigs all dried up right when we got Matt's student loan refund, so we've got a bit of a cushion, and really, there's no reason to panic. And I'm doing my best to trust that the work will start flowing in again when we really need it to, which is what it's been doing without fail for the last three years. And I'm really, really grateful that we've been able to hold onto our house and pay all of our bills and keep the 'fridge stocked, and I know that we're so incredibly blessed just to have everything we truly need. But, man, you guys, just once, it would be so nice to be able to get ahead, to have the money not dry up, to not have to rely on cushions and to be able to make some actual progress paying off our debt, to be in a position to help people and give to charity without a second thought instead of feeling like a charity case.
But mostly, I just want to be able to afford to get pregnant and have a baby. That shouldn't feel like so much to ask.
December 31, 2011
A Look Back, and a Peek Forward
I can't believe how fast this year has flown by. Looking back, I'd have to say that this year was an improvement over the last two. We've managed to go ten whole months without anybody dying, so that's a check in the WIN column right there.
This was a pretty crazy year. It got off to a rocky start, what with losing Matt's mom last December, and then turning right around and losing both his step-dad and their cat that we had taken in in February. As you know if you've been following along, all of the grief and stress from those losses churned up a lot of latent grief over my miscarriages that I still needed to deal with. So I spent the first quarter of the year or so in a pretty deep funk.
But then things turned a corner. I kicked off Project Oven Repair, based on the suspicion that I had PCOS and insulin resistance (a suspicion that was confirmed at my annual check-up in April), and started taking better care of myself with the goal toward eventually trying again to have a baby. Since then I've lost over thirty pounds, lowered my BMI, and dropped my fasting glucose level by ten points. I still want to lose about ten or fifteen more pounds and get my numbers even lower--the holidays certainly didn't help with that--but I'm confident that I'll get there in the new year.
I also got serious about fiction writing as a career and made the monumental (for me) decision to become an indie author. Since then I started my own publishing company, published a well received novel and a short story collection, and wrote a new novel that will hopefully be ready to publish in the next month or two.
As great as those things were, things could have been better financially. My web design and virtual assistant business slowed way, way down, and I went through a long period where I just could not make a sale. It wasn't that dire because we had enough savings to get by, as long as we remained frugal, but we also had to rely a lot on our credit card. Business picked back up in mid-November, but by that point we'd racked up so much debt trying to stay afloat that the sudden rush of income was eaten up by bills before we knew it. Work has remained steady since then, though, and hopefully it will remain that way for long enough to enable us to dig ourselves out from under this mess.
Between the financial strain and the fact of facing yet another childless Christmas, and also the first holiday season without my in-laws, I have to confess that we had both sunk back into a pretty deep funk in the weeks leading up to Christmas. But the holiday itself turned out to be a pleasant, albeit low-key, day, and I think we were both feeling better by the time it arrived. I guess we had gotten all of the grief and self-pity out of our systems by then.
And now here we are, at New Year's Eve. I don't know what 2012 is going to bring. I composed a version of this post in my head back in October, and it ended with a declaration that my one major goal for 2012 was to become a mother. But that was before the full weight of our financial strain had settled on us, and it was also before I started paying attention once again to news and politics and what's going on with our world and our nation. I have to say, I'm feeling less hopeful now than I did then. I'm not one of those Mayan calendar doomsayer types, but nevertheless I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about the coming year, and I just have a feeling that we're in for some difficult times as a nation.
Between that, and our personal financial situation, we're still at a loss as to how to proceed with our TTC plans. My heart wants with every fiber of its being to stop taking birth control and start trying NOW. But my head says that we should wait and see what happens, with my business, with our income, and with the economy in general. Matt's having the same head/heart struggle. So I just don't know what we're going to do.
So for now, my main goal for the new year is for us to do everything we can to better our situation, both so that we'll actually be able to afford a baby, and also so that if the poo does hit the fan we'll be in a better position to weather the storm. And in the mean time, I'll continue Project Oven Repair and get rid of that last fifteen pounds or so, hopefully getting my glucose under 90 in the process.
This post wound up a little too doom-and-gloom to end with a chipper "Happy New Year," but nevertheless, I wish you and yours (and me and mine) a blessed and prosperous and disaster-free 2012.
This was a pretty crazy year. It got off to a rocky start, what with losing Matt's mom last December, and then turning right around and losing both his step-dad and their cat that we had taken in in February. As you know if you've been following along, all of the grief and stress from those losses churned up a lot of latent grief over my miscarriages that I still needed to deal with. So I spent the first quarter of the year or so in a pretty deep funk.
But then things turned a corner. I kicked off Project Oven Repair, based on the suspicion that I had PCOS and insulin resistance (a suspicion that was confirmed at my annual check-up in April), and started taking better care of myself with the goal toward eventually trying again to have a baby. Since then I've lost over thirty pounds, lowered my BMI, and dropped my fasting glucose level by ten points. I still want to lose about ten or fifteen more pounds and get my numbers even lower--the holidays certainly didn't help with that--but I'm confident that I'll get there in the new year.
I also got serious about fiction writing as a career and made the monumental (for me) decision to become an indie author. Since then I started my own publishing company, published a well received novel and a short story collection, and wrote a new novel that will hopefully be ready to publish in the next month or two.
As great as those things were, things could have been better financially. My web design and virtual assistant business slowed way, way down, and I went through a long period where I just could not make a sale. It wasn't that dire because we had enough savings to get by, as long as we remained frugal, but we also had to rely a lot on our credit card. Business picked back up in mid-November, but by that point we'd racked up so much debt trying to stay afloat that the sudden rush of income was eaten up by bills before we knew it. Work has remained steady since then, though, and hopefully it will remain that way for long enough to enable us to dig ourselves out from under this mess.
Between the financial strain and the fact of facing yet another childless Christmas, and also the first holiday season without my in-laws, I have to confess that we had both sunk back into a pretty deep funk in the weeks leading up to Christmas. But the holiday itself turned out to be a pleasant, albeit low-key, day, and I think we were both feeling better by the time it arrived. I guess we had gotten all of the grief and self-pity out of our systems by then.
And now here we are, at New Year's Eve. I don't know what 2012 is going to bring. I composed a version of this post in my head back in October, and it ended with a declaration that my one major goal for 2012 was to become a mother. But that was before the full weight of our financial strain had settled on us, and it was also before I started paying attention once again to news and politics and what's going on with our world and our nation. I have to say, I'm feeling less hopeful now than I did then. I'm not one of those Mayan calendar doomsayer types, but nevertheless I'm feeling a lot of trepidation about the coming year, and I just have a feeling that we're in for some difficult times as a nation.
Between that, and our personal financial situation, we're still at a loss as to how to proceed with our TTC plans. My heart wants with every fiber of its being to stop taking birth control and start trying NOW. But my head says that we should wait and see what happens, with my business, with our income, and with the economy in general. Matt's having the same head/heart struggle. So I just don't know what we're going to do.
So for now, my main goal for the new year is for us to do everything we can to better our situation, both so that we'll actually be able to afford a baby, and also so that if the poo does hit the fan we'll be in a better position to weather the storm. And in the mean time, I'll continue Project Oven Repair and get rid of that last fifteen pounds or so, hopefully getting my glucose under 90 in the process.
This post wound up a little too doom-and-gloom to end with a chipper "Happy New Year," but nevertheless, I wish you and yours (and me and mine) a blessed and prosperous and disaster-free 2012.
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