The Caffeine Tango & The Distraction Limbo

I'm gradually weaning myself off of caffeine as part of Project Oven Repair. I managed to get myself down to two cups of coffee (from my usual three to five); then this week I started cutting my regular coffee with decaf to make half-caf. The only problem with that is that I keep saying to myself, "It's only half-caf, so go ahead and have another cup. Yay coffee!"

So I'm back up three or four cups a day. But it IS half-caf, so it's only the equivalent of 1 or 2 regular cups, right? Right.

New plan: forget about cutting back on number of cups I drink, and just keep gradually increasing the decaf:regular ratio until I'm drinking all decaf, all the time. Yay coffee!

I'm also at that fun, fun place where the ADD supplements I quit taking at the beginning of P.O.R. have completely exited my system, and the massive amounts of fish oil I've been taking haven't built up enough yet to make a difference (according to the research, that takes about four weeks). Which means my unfettered neurons are partying it up while they can, and getting them to chill out long enough to let me focus on getting things done is, to say the least, a challenge.

Exercise is helping. So is allowing myself a few minutes of managed distraction every thirty minutes or so. But the biggest thing is that I'm practicing just taking each day moment by moment, devoting as much of my time as possible to projects that energize me and hold my interest, and just doing what I can and not stressing out at the end of the day about what didn't get done.

In other words, I'm trying to just go with the flow.

This is definitely a less stressful way to go, and I think it's more natural to my personality. The only problem is that this "taking things as they come" approach tends to attract labels like "slacker," "underachiever," and "lacks ambition." Or at least it did during my schoolin' days, and parents and teachers alike did everything they could to punish the "flow" out of me and turn me into an action-taking, To Do list keeping go-getter.

I don't know that they actually succeeded in that so much as they just gave me a guilt complex whenever I try to toss aside the To Do list and take a more zen-like approach to life. And all of the Internet Entrepreneurial advice I've been reading the last few months hasn't helped with that. But then I read a post like this one from Erica Douglass and realize that even the IE types are realizing they need to chill out a little.

At any rate, chilling out is definitely the right thing for me for right now. Otherwise all I'd be doing is making myself miserable trying to fight my wiring and beating myself up about what's NOT checked off of the dreaded To Do list, not even seeing all of the check marks that are there.

And trying to stay relaxed and manage my stress and overwhelmed-ness is all part of Project Oven Repair. Besides, it's not like I don't have enough external stressors in my life without creating internal ones for myself.

So there's all of that, and the obligatory breathing exercises, and getting enough sleep, and of course, the diet. Overall, I think it's working. I'm even sleeping better, and waking up actually feeling like I got sleep instead of like I ran a horror-filled marathon in my dreams all night.

And now it's time to psych myself up to go work out in the cold. Boo cold and rainy weather. Boo.

Altering My Natural Sleep Cycle (Without Losing Sleep Over It)

In my fantasy, I'm a morning person. I want to be the sort of person who gets up early and has super-productive mornings, freeing up the afternoons to work on whatever personal or home-related project I feel like working on and the evenings to just relax and chill with Matt, my day broken up into nice, orderly sections.

In reality, I sleep in late because I stay up late. It usually takes at least two cups of coffee and an hour poking around the internet before my brain can handle anything more strenuous than skimming Twitter and clicking links, and my work gets spread all throughout the day and evening, with occasional breaks to take care of other things that need my attention, or just recharge my batteries before diving back in, until I'm too worn out to keep going. There's nothing orderly about it.

This week, I've been making myself get up at nine AM. That sounds luxuriously late if you usually have to be at the office by eight, I know. But if you make your own schedule and have no particular reason to wake up by any certain time, trust me, it's early. Nine seems like a good compromise between my night-owlishness and my desire to give myself enough time to get things done earlier in the day and leave myself some chillaxin' time at the end of it.

Timely and relevant to this, yesterday Lifehacker ran an article on How to Reboot Your Sleep Cycle and Get the Rest You Deserve. It was full of good advice, albeit nothing really new to a sometimes-chronic insomniac who's already read all the advice there is about getting yourself to sleep.

Part of the advice was to experiment with earlier and earlier bed times until you start waking up before your alarm. Well, that's the problem, isn't it? I've always had problems with set bed times. As much as I love and need sleep, I hate going to bed early as much now as I did when I was a little kid. It's partly because going to bed before I'm truly sleepy tends to trigger my insomnia.

But a while back I read somewhere -- I'm pretty sure it was on Rules for Anchorites, but I can't find the post -- a discussion similar to this where someone suggested that night owls simply have a hard time relinquishing the day, and... yes. This. It's so hard to let go, to admit that I'm done with a day, that I've done all I can with it. It feels like defeat.

Even so, last night I thought I'd try Lifehacker's advice and make myself go to bed earlier. I've been averaging about seven hours of sleep all week, so I felt tired enough that I knew I could use the extra hour. But then I started reading a new book, and by the time I forced myself to put it down and go to bed it was already after one AM and I was facing another less-than-eight-hour night.

Then, this morning, I woke up before my alarm anyway. I lay there for a minute, not sure if I was truly awake and trying to will myself to get up, thinking how victorious it would feel to get up before my alarm went off. But I was still just on the cusp of wakefulness, and in the midst of my self-pep-talk I closed my eyes, and the next thing I knew my phone was vibrating (I use my phone's alarm on the silent setting, tucked into my pillow, so as not to wake Matt) and I was waking back up from a dream about a particularly odd episode of Castle involving an escaped killer baboon and a tornado (it was too much tornado and not enough Nathan Fillion for my liking; there was, however, just enough baboon to keep it weird).

So much for that.

But I refuse to give up just yet. Maybe if I keep forcing myself awake at nine, eventually the not-quite-enough sleep I've been getting will catch up with me, and my body will want to go to bed earlier. That's the theory, anyway. Of course, I can't recall any other time in my 37 years that it's ever worked out that way, but that's probably because after a week I'd usually give up and stop setting the alarm; or, when that wasn't an option, I'd always use the weekends to catch up on sleep and then have to start all over again on Mondays. This time, I'm going to do my best to stick with it. After all, I figure it's getting to be now or never, and I'm not ready to let go of that productive-morning-person fantasy just yet.

Six Strategies For Getting Your To Do List Done

It's the end of a long and satisfying day. I got everything done that I wanted to, within reason, and I didn't even have a To Do list for the day, which is sort of the antithesis of this post; but even so, today was productive and satisfyingly balanced: I made headway on two separate client projects, spent some quality time with my mom-in-law, worked on cleaning up storm debris, and helped Matt grill some burgers on the back patio (and then ate them - mmm, chargrilled meat!), and now I'm capping the day off by spending some quality time with the blog (which also happens to kill the writing bird, so yay for that). All of that, despite taking time out to watch American Idol and Glee (Lee DeWyze was awesome! But not as awesome as NPH! Who was in turn not as awesome as the Idina/Lea duet! What can I say? It was a great night to be a fangirl).

As great as today was, the unstructured-yet-productive days are pretty rare for me. Even on structured days I tend to run into problems and don't get as much done as I'd like (as discussed last week, I owe a lot of that to my TV habit). With ADD, I find it difficult to focus and stay on task under the best circumstances. Add to that chronic hay fever clouding my brain and a wonky thyroid and sleep apnea conspiring to sap all of my energy, and keeping my butt in my office chair long enough to get work done without falling asleep (or falling prey to about a zillion different distractions) is just plain hard.

One thing that's (usually - today being a rare exception) essential to getting past all of this and keeping my day on track is the ubiquitous To Do list. But it doesn't really help me to simply write down the things I need (or hope) to get done each day. I've come to realize that there's a strategy to creating a really effective To Do list, one that has every item checked off at the end of the day and leaves you with a smugly satisfying sense of accomplishment and done-ness. Here are some tips to strategizing YOUR To Do list to achieve the best results.

1. Make a "priority list" for the whole week. Be selective and ruthless in your prioritization, leading with firm deadlines, things that MUST get done that week. Follow that with things that it would simply make your life easier to get done that week, and round it out with some personal projects. Then when you make each day's To Do list, you can refer to this list to help ensure that you're not forgetting to take care of the important stuff. Additionally, I also keep ongoing "Must Do" and "Wanna Do" lists to help keep track of both client obligations and personal projects, and I try to pull from both columns when making up my weekly list.

2. Only list the things you need help remembering to do. I used to have a bad habit (which I still haven't entirely broken) of padding my list with the routine things I do every day, bunching them all at the beginning to give myself a "head start" on crossing things off and get that boost from feeling accomplished at the sight of all those check marks. The problem with this is, as the day stretches on and my brain gets tired and starts looking for excuses to quit, seeing all those check marks gives it a false sense that it's worked really hard and deserves to be done for the day - no matter that the only things checked off are "eat breakfast", "get dressed", "brush teeth" and "feed the cats".

3. Keep it short. I read somewhere that seven is the maximum number of items you should have on your To Do list. The reason had something to do with seven being the maximum number of things that the human brain can process or remember without getting overwhelmed (which is why phone numbers are seven digits). I usually do pretty well by sticking to this rule. On days I attend church or am otherwise pressed for time, I'll even cut it down to five.

4. Be selective, and be realistic. Keeping a short list means hitting the priorities and sometimes letting go of the things that aren't as important. This is very important if you have ADD or suffer from "too many irons in the fire" syndrome and have a difficult time deciding what you should be working on at any given time. I have a tendency sometimes to fill up a whole page with things I hope to get done, but there's never enough time in the day to complete those lists. I've found it's better to keep it pared down to the things I actually have a reasonable shot at accomplishing in the time allotted.

5. Work in order. This is also related to the last two items. Only you can decide which order is best, but write down the tasks in the order that you plan to do them, and then stick to that order. This might mean putting the biggest or most tedious chores first to make yourself do them before rewarding yourself with the more enjoyable tasks. For me, since it's a lot easier to force myself to work on something for someone else than for myself, this means putting first the personal projects, like editing my novel or writing this blog, that I would otherwise most likely let slide after I got done with my client projects for the day. Speaking of which...

6. Make a balanced list. Try not to fill it up completely with obligations to others, but to leave a slot or two open for things you want to do for yourself. This is a good way to make sure you nurture yourself, whether it's by spending time doing personal projects, making exercise a daily obligation, or simply keeping your life in order by doing mundane chores around the house.

For me, a daily To Do list usually includes two or three client projects (or one big project broken down into a few manageable tasks if I'm under deadline), a household chore or two, a writing task, a personal or business development task, and some form of exercise. This usually makes for a pretty well-rounded day and leaves me with the feeling that I'm moving forward in every area instead of focusing on just one dimension of my life while the others stagnate. If I'm under tight deadlines, that changes, but I try not to let it become a rut that I get stuck in for very long.

Need more help? Here are Six Free online To Do List and Project Management Tools.

Do you have any strategies to add? What's your biggest obstacle to overcoming distraction and procrastination? Share your insights in the comments.

Scientific Proof That TV Is a Productivity Killer (And Yet I Watch Anyway)

A couple of weeks ago I had a spectacularly productive week that included three straight days wherein I managed to cross off every item on my To Do list. So rarely does this thing happen, and so proud was I that I tweeted about it at the end of each day, prompting friend-of-the-blog Douglas Cootey to ask via direct message:

I promised to answer the question in a blog post, and put that on the next day's To Do list. As you can see from the time stamp, that was almost two whole weeks ago, which shows you just how successfully I've been checking off items ever since. This is partly because we've entered that time of year when I feel cruddy 80% of the time thanks to allergies (and thanks also to the meth-heads that have made Sudafed such a PITA to get), and the resulting perpetual brain fog is making it difficult to find my focus.

But the main culprit behind procrastinating so long on this post in particular is that all of the tips and tricks that I thought must make up my productivity "secret" kind of fell apart when I realized that the only real common denominator between those three super-productive days is this: I didn't watch TV.

Well, that's not entirely true. It would be more accurate to say that I didn't watch my shows when they aired but instead waited to catch them online at a more convenient time, after all of my work was done. I don't really remember what prompted the decision, although it probably had something to do with not being able to bring myself to care whether I missed Shania Twain week on American Idol (the only show that I have to watch live if I'm going to watch it at all, since it doesn't get re-broadcast online later). That, and I'd mistakenly thought Chuck had another week of re-runs to go.

Anyway, it just worked out so that I didn't interrupt my work flow to watch TV most of that week, which resulted in a lot of productivity. This might suggest that my TV habits are coming between me and massive success, but mostly I see it as a preview of how awesomely productive my summer should be once all of my shows are on hiatus.

Nevertheless, there are a few other things I did to help get those To Do lists crossed off. I'm going to test them further to see both how ADD-proof they are and how well they stand up to the test of time. Next week I'll compile the winning tips into another post. Meanwhile, I've got lists that need conquering (and shows that need watching ;).

Writer, Schmiter

I've been out of practice for any kind of writing besides stream-of-conscious personal posts for so long now that I feel like I've forgotten how. I've got some writing projects that are way overdue, and I promised myself that today would be the day I crossed them off of my To Do list; but as I sit here and try to work on them, it's like I just stare at the screen and go "Uh der... me don't know good words." Is it possible to go so long without writing that that part of your brain just breaks down, like a car that sits unused in the driveway for too long? I guess it's more like a muscle, one that needs to be exercised regularly or else it atrophies. My pro writing muscle feels pretty atrophied right now. Probably the best thing to do is find some writing exercises to help get it functioning again.

Sleep would probably also be a good thing. I didn't get much of it last night. I went to bed sufficiently tired, but for some reason, just as I started to drift off, I woke up feeling really anxious and jumpy, and it took forever to get back to sleep. And once I did I never did get into a really deep sleep, until late this morning, right before Pete decided to wake me up to let him outside (why he always decides I'm the designated morning letter-outer, and never Matt, is a secret to be locked up in his tiny little Chihuahua brain forevermore, I suppose). So I am a literal and true Sleepy Jean today, and both I and my writing muscle would probably do well to take a nap.

Also, it's supposed to storm tomorrow, and I can't stop thinking that I should mow my yard before that happens (you already can't tell that I just mowed last Saturday), which is distracting as heck.

All things considered then, I suppose this is how the rest of my day should go: put the writing aside and spend the next couple hours on some of my web site projects instead, eat lunch and take a nap, then go mow. Then tonight, after I'm cleaned up and rested up, practice some intentional writing with lower stakes (i.e. that I'm not getting paid for and therefore it's okay to suck), before taking two Benadryls and getting a good night's sleep. Hopefully this will jump start that writing muscle -- or am I back to the car metaphor again? -- and I can take on the paid copy tomorrow, when my brain feels less broken.

Cross your fingers for me. And if you know of any good writing exercise web sites (focusing on non-fiction right now, but fiction would probably help, too) that might help jump start me, shout 'em out in the comments.

Improvement Is Happening

I'm starting to feel better, and I'm having some success in knocking out that "Overwhelming" list. Tackling it in itty bitty chunks has been working pretty well. My brain still has a mild cottony feeling, but it's better since I got the toughest tasks marked off. Doing that was like opening a release valve in my brain - it literally, physically felt like some of the pressure leaked out of my head, and made it a little easier to focus.

I'm still working on the list, but I crossed out "Overwhelming" at the top and replaced it with "Totally Doable." So that's a big improvement right there. My daily routine is back in full swing, which is doing a lot to make me feel normal again. Of course, the hospital bills are coming in, so I've got to spend some time on the phone getting all of that worked out, which should be all kinds of non-fun. But where last week it would've wiped me out for the whole day, this week it's simply an annoyance, and I can deal with it and move on. At least, I hope I can. I guess we'll see.

Warm-up

This post is serving as a warm-up for my brain. I'm so far behind, people. I wanted so badly to catch up last week, but there was the inevitable depression to contend with, and on top of that I think I picked up some little nasty on my last visit to the ER that left me with a mild sore throat and more of that fun run-down, lethargic feeling. And now I have so much to catch up on that I'm feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed.

My ADD is, of course, only compounding matters. For days I've had that ever-so-pleasant feeling that my brain is wrapped in layers of cotton, and I can't shake it. Normally, I'd take my Mega Mind and imbibe some caffeine and that would most likely fix me long enough to get some work done. But now, I'm basically treating my body like it's still pregnant in order to have it all detoxed and as safe as possible for the next baby attempt, so all stimulants and any supplements that carry even a remote risk of miscarriage are verboten. And I gotta tell you, it's hard. I haven't yet figured out how to deal with this ADD brain fog without the aid of stimulants, and it makes concentration so torturous that all I want to do is go lie down and never think about anything again, ever.

That's not really an option, though. My clients, bless them, have been so supportive and understanding through this ordeal, but I know I'm pushing the limits of their patience. I HAVE to get back to work. I have to get caught up. I might even have a new client starting next week, which is great because I need the distraction as much as I need the paycheck, but man. I've GOT to snap myself out of this.

To that end, I made a list of everything that's making me feel overwhelmed. The plan is to tackle them one at a time, in little five-minute bites, until they're done. I can do five minutes, and then after a rest I can do five minutes again, and so on until everything is done and I don't feel buried anymore. That's the plan, and here's hoping it works. I'll let you know how it goes.

Why freelancing is so very right for me. Also, a cat update.

I think the very best thing about going freelance is exactly the reason why I've always wanted to go freelance: if I can't get focused, that's okay, because I make my own schedule. I'm not punching a clock, and I don't have to be productive during a set span of hours in the day. I can go do something else, and then get my work done when my brain is more settled--whether that settled time is at two in the afternoon or two in the morning. It's awesome. And it's also a very good thing, because today is an extremely unfocused day. My mind refuses to settle down and stop wandering. I started to get frustrated, because I have work to do, but then I remembered that there's no reason I can't simply wait to do it until tonight. My mind is almost always sharper in the evenings. I would probably do all of my work in the evenings anyway if that wasn't when Husband usually wants to hang out and watch movies. Or if I wasn't addicted to prime time television two-thirds of every year.

Anyway, here's a cat update: There's still no sign that anyone is out there missing Boudica, and I'm glad, because the longer she stays the more I would miss her if I had to give her back. She's still being a bit of a brat and pushing her limits, but she's starting to settle down and accept some of the house rules. Niblet has come out of hiding and started eating regularly again, and has even made up with Pete. Husband is having second thoughts about his second thoughts. In other words, it's all going as I predicted, and short of finding that elusive original owner to take her back, Boudica's staying put. She still tries to get outside (and made it this morning), but I'm pretty sure she just wants to hang out in the yard and isn't trying to run away. Even so, I don't trust her not to duck under the fence and take off, so she's strictly an indoor kitty as long as we can remember not to hold the patio door open too wide for too long. Maybe after she's been here a bit longer we'll try going out on a leash. Even if that doesn't work out, at least it should provide some amusing blog fodder.

Off kilter

I've always had a difficult time finding balance in my life. When things aren't going so well, I have this tendency to withdraw into myself and neglect things and, worse, relationships. When things are going well (read: I'm not a hormonally depressive loony), it's not much better. I seem to have two gears: completely scattered, or completely focused. In the first case, I'm forgetful about all kinds of things, and pretty much a giant flake. In the second, I'm focused on the things I need to get done, and I get them done...but I forget almost everything else. It's hard enough not letting that affect my marriage; remembering to stop what I'm doing and go pay attention to my husband once in a while, or to remember to do my share of the housework, or to pay the bills on time and keep track of the weekly budget, etc. Trying to remember that I have friends, in "real life" and online, and extended family who would probably like to hear from me is a struggle, at best.

It's been worse since I lost my job, and with it my insurance. My disordered sleep is going untreated now, and I'm not getting much in the way of quality sleep, which is exacerbating my ADD. And my OCD, and all of my other weird, borderline-Aspy quirks and neuroses. Not to mention that I'm not exactly bursting with energy right now. I have a lot on my plate, trying to find a job and/or clients, to demonstrate to the world that I'm an efficient and creative hard worker who someone should totally hire, because I do good work. And in all of that I lost sight of even trying to find balance between work and play and being social.

Which is all to say that it's a holiday weekend, and I'm taking the next few days off from my "job" to focus on the job of being a good wife, friend, sister, aunt and daughter. My new web site design is up and running, and everything else on my massive To Do list can wait a few days while I refocus my priorities and remind myself that there is a whole world that exists outside my head, and that I should interact with it once in a while. I don't think it'll "fix" anything. I used to think that this whole struggle for balance was just learning to be an adult and that it would get easier, come more naturally with age; but by now I'm pretty sure that it's just life, just the way I am, and it's always something I'm going to have to work on. But until I achieve that balance, taking a break once in a while to switch up my focus is the best I know how to do.

The Solace of the List

Are you a list person? I so very definitely am. Making lists gives me a sense of comfort and control that is just this side of irrationally wacky. Or maybe it's on the other side and I crossed that line five turn-offs ago. Is there a way I can tell? One that doesn't involve helping to pay the student loans of a person who went to school for six to eight years to earn a piece of paper that says they can officially tell me so?

I know! I'll make a list!

All kidding aside, the truth is that list-making has saved my sanity on a really big number of occasions. When I have so much to do I can't figure out where to start? Make a list. When life dumps a big truckload of doody on top of me and I don't know how to dig myself out? Make a list. When I've got a big decision to make? List. Wanting to feel organized without having to actually organize anything that isn't bullet points on paper? Say it with me now... LIST!

I think that last item sums it up, why I'm so list-dependent. On the To Do variety, making a check-mark gives me a lovely sense of accomplishment. On every other kind, it helps me organize my thoughts, realize my options, gives me the feeling, even if I never do one blasted thing that's on the list, that I am making a PLAN. And having a PLAN means I am in CONTROL. That's right, move along, no chaos to see here. See? I have a list to prove it.

To illustrate how far this goes, I even have my own wiki. The first page of this wiki is a list of all of the projects that I'm either committed to, need to commit to, or wish I had the time to do, in that order. And each item in this first list is a link to a sub-list, a To Do list of things that need to happen to accomplish that project. Some of my sub-lists even have sub-lists, and on and on and on to infinity and beyond.

Neurotic? Sure, but who isn't these days? If you share this particular neuroses, then you are a kindred spirit and we should be friends. And also you might want to check out Wikispaces, where you can create and organize your own list-wikis completely free of charge, listing and linking and sublisting and interlinking all of your lists into a thing of freakish obsessive-compulsive beauty that only you can fully appreciate and understand. This is where my sanity lives. Won't you join me there?

My new boss wears stripes

This month continues to be insane. Between Fizzgigg, getting sick, and this week's visit from out-of-town relatives, my sleeping pattern is completely whacked out, and my motivation is nil. What I need more than anything is a long weekend of sleeping, novel-reading, and tequila-based cocktail (hee!) sipping on a secluded beach somewhere on the Yucatan to calm my frazzled nerves and reset and recharge my brain to then tackle everything anew (yes, my ideal vacation is a Corona commercial). But since that's so tragically far from actually happening as to be comical, I'll settle for a new system that removes the anxiety of decision-making from the question, "What should I be doing right now?"

Enter the concept of Time Striping, which might just be my sanity's salvation. I don't even have to worry about how to approach it, since the article's author so helpfully provided a downloadable form. All I have to do is think this one time about how to organize my work day, plug it into the schedule, and I'm done. Then my wheels start spinning at any given time of day and I start to suffer decision paralysis, I need only glance at the schedule, and it tells me what to do. It's 10 AM? I should be blogging! It's after 2? Time to file my inbox attachments! No guesswork! No guilt at neglecting twenty other things for the sake of another! I like this plan. We shall see if this plan likes me.

ADDlepated

I spent the better part of today setting up and organizing my new Wikispace. See, I've been on the verge of a bit of an ADD meltdown lately, coming up with one neat idea (at least, neat to me) after another that I IN NO WAY have time to do, getting overwhelmed and feeling like since I don't have time for new things I don't have time for ANYTHING, because I have no filter sometimes when it comes to deciding what's the most worthy of my time at a given moment. Instead of freaking out and doing something stupid and potentially publicly humiliating (again), I managed to step back, take a deep breath, and experiment with ways to track my ideas so that they can leave me alone and let me get on with my life until I have time for them.

I started out with multiple Tada Lists for every potential project that's been nagging at me, but the to do list structure made me feel pressured and wasn't helping at all with the prioritization part. From there I clicked on over to Back Pack, a promised "information organizer." Eureka! This was exactly what I was looking for! I opened an account and started dumping my brain into it right away, but then I discovered it only had room for so much of my brain unless I wanted to pay a monthly fee. Bummer.

Really, said fee was pretty reasonable ($5/month for up to 25 pages) for such an awesome service; but if you read my personal finance blog, you already know I'm cheap frugal. So I hunted around for a free version.

After checking out several Wiki-type sites, one of which is exactly the same platform used by Wikipedia, and most of which confused the poo out of me, I stumbled upon Wiki Spaces. It's just as easy to use as Back Pack, and you get to create an unlimited (up to 10MB) amount of pages for the low, low price of FREE! And we have a winner.

I actually only set up what's there so far in less than half an hour. The basic idea here is that when I get an idea for a project, story, article, new blog, whatever, I add it to the list on the main page, and then as those ideas start to flesh out I can give them their very own page for brainstorming, etc. The big hope is that A) once I get these ideas down, they'll shut up and leave me alone so I can work on what actually needs doing, B) fleshing them out in this manner will help me decide which are worth doing, and C) new toy! Shiny!

At any rate, whether it works in the long run, it's gotten me down off the ledge for the time being. And I'm feeling much better now, thanks.

Huh.

Well now, this is interesting and kind of unexpected:

Your Aspie score: 137 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 77 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie




I... well, yeah, that would explain a few things, I guess (like why I'm so firmly encamped in Team Heather). Still, I'm going to take that with a grain of salt. Of course, now I'm wondering how closely ADD and Asperger's are linked.

Aspie Quiz

Screw it.

I've decided that today is simply going to be all about surviving and not screwing up my job. Once again I--sing it with me; it's an old and familiar refrain, I'm sure you know the words--forgot to order my ADD supplements in time to keep from running out completely, so my brain's got nothing but its own flighty, flaky, fidgety self to guide it. So I hereby give myself permission to only worry about being productive enough to keep my bosses happy, or at least keep them from noticing that anything's amiss. My regular writing schedule can just wait on hold until I've got my pills, which according to Vitacost's shipping schedule should be tomorrow. One writing skip day won't kill me or my novel.

Today is going to be a tough one. My allergies are acting up, for one thing. Three hours since I dosed up on Sudafed and eye drops and my eye is still swollen and leaking. I brought my makeup to work in the hopes that I'd be able to put it on once I got here, but nope. I look like a pale, washed out, crying mess, prompting everyone who knows I went to a funeral yesterday to be especially concerned.

There's a whole rant about my mom burning leaves in the yard and the smoke exacerbating my allergies, and how we just really, really want to hurry up and move, but I'll save that for later.

I'm also still out of my ADD supplements, and the allergies are just compounding my ADD. Which is just too bad, because there's a ton of work to get done today, and I can't very well just say, "Sorry, I'm out of focus. Can somebody else handle that?" I've got to figure out a way to pull it all together and concentrate.

I was actually looking forward to going to the gym, knowing how exercise helps with the focus factor, but I just got a reminder that there's a mandatory admin meeting scheduled for lunchtime. At least they'll feed me. That makes the time I spent making tuna salad last night kind of unnecessary, but I guess now Friday's lunch is also covered.

Somebody said something about a ton of drawings needing to go out this afternoon. On the bright side, that will give me something physical to do that doesn't require too much thought. But as it sounds like I'll get to spend the afternoon stuck down in the copy center, I'm hurrying to get all of my personal business wrapped up while things are still relatively slow.

Bleah. I should have asked for two days off.

I went and ran out of MegaMind again, so my intentions of getting ahead today to take up the slack for tomorrow are not coming to frution. My brain is full of static. I guess I really ought to just put those pills on auto-ship, shouldn't I? I'm apparently way too ADD to remember to re-order my ADD pills on my own.

I think I'm taking tomorrow off, anyway. I've gotten half of the approval I need, although I think the other half is just to approve using vacation time to cover it, not to actually miss work. My vacation hours, such as they are, are still at a negative balance from all the ice and snow. At this rate I'm never going to earn enough vacation time to actually go anywhere.

My focus is so non-existent right now, it's not even funny.

Maybe I'm just warped by too much Food Network and HGTV.

We had a cozy, long weekend, in which a lot of sleeping, snuggling, and lazing about was mingled in there with the chores and whatnot. I've decided that one of the days I like best about having extra time off is the luxury of being able to take my time with food preparation. I actually enjoy cooking and being all domestic when it's not rushed and when I don't feel like it's taking up too much of the only real day off I'll get all week. You know, I hate to seem all un-feminist and old-fashioned, but I can get totally psyched about the idea of becoming a domestic diva. I only dislike cooking and cleaning and decorating and general home maintenance when I'm trying to squeeze it into two days a week, which is when it becomes overwhelming. But I know I'd love getting to stay home and focus on all that stuff full-time. I know I'd never get bored. I'd always have twenty projects going at a time, as I'm wont to do anyway.

I guess it's a good thing I'm looking forward to eventually becoming a housewife, since the other day Matt dropped a bit of a bomb with the off-handed mention that he hopes we'll be able to homeschool our hypothetical future kids. Far from being the stink-bomb that you'd expect, it was actually a pleasant surprise, and a relief--I'd been thinking the same thing, and figured it would take some convincing to get him to agree. But hey! He's already there! Further proof that he's SO the guy for me.

Why on earth would I want to homeschool? It's not so much that I'm entirely down on the public school system, or that I have anything but the utmost admiration and respect for teachers. But my own experiences with public school were pretty dismal all the way around. A lot of that simply had to do with the times. My teachers couldn't very well be expected to recognize that I had a learning disorder when nobody had even heard of ADD. But the labels I got instead -- smart but lazy, stupid and lazy, bad kid, bad student, underachiever, full of wasted potential -- those labels did a lot of damage. A lot of teachers slapped that label on me the first day of class and then dismissed me as hopeless for the rest of the semester. And I got bullied relentlessly throughout my entire school career because those labels, combined with ADD-related behaviors I had no idea how to control, caused me to stand out as an easy target.

So, yeah. I don't want any part of that for my hypothetical future kids.

Of course, if we're going to homeschool, one of us has to be home full time, and we'd already talked about how if we have kids I'd like to be a stay-at-home mom. So I guess it'll fall to me. I hope it falls to me, that Matt's eventually able to get a job that will make all of this possible. Not that I plan to let him bring home ALL of the bacon, mind. I'll still write, and I still plan to take the web design training, and I'm still kicking around ideas for eventually going pro with the knitting, for whatever income that's worth. And I realize that none of this is new, some epiphany I've had since getting married that I want to be the happy little homemaker. It's always been my fondest dream to work from home, keep my own hours, and unleash my inner Martha Stewart Sandra Lee in my spare time. I'm just grateful as heck that I've found myself a partner who's on board with all of that.

Mmm. Fish-oily.

There's this new thing I'm trying. It's not enough that I let Matt talk me into doing the Zone with him; now he's got me all graduated to the Omega Zone, which is basically where you eat according to the Zone way, but you also obsess over how much fish oil you consume on a daily basis.

So he went out and bought the latest book on the subject (see sidebar) just before Christmas, in the hopes that it would help motivate us to get back on track once the holidays were out of the way. And according to this book, the right amount of highly concentrated fish oil will all but cure my ADD. I'd heard such things before and remained unconvinced, but the science behind the theory seemed sound, and since I'm so totally over taking 30 pills a day, most of which are for controlling my focus issues, I figured, what the hey? I'll give it a whirl. I'm now on day three of said whirl.

So far, so good. Today is my first on-the-job trial, which is the big test. Things to take into account are that (a) there hasn't yet been enough time for all of my other supplements to be completely depleted from my system, and (b) quality, highly concentrated fish oil is not inexpensive, so I'm reluctant to take more than half as much as the book recommends for ADD, which is still about three times as much as I had been taking. If I continue to be able to tell a difference after this amount, then I might break down and invest in enough to cover the full recommended amount. If I can stop taking all those other supplements and take only this, then I figure the cost will even itself out.

The full amount is 15 grams. That, you guys, is a LOT of fish oil to consume in a day. It's still a lot of pills, if that's the way I end up taking it, but for now I'm trying it in liquid form. Not straight, mind, because all appearances to the contrary, I'm not a masochist. I mix it in a shake with 2% milk, frozen berries and protein powder, and it's... still fish-oily. But tolerably so.

So for now I'm doing the shakes--which only contain 7.5 grams, and of which you're supposed to drink two a day, and I'm only drinking one--for lunch on days I go to the gym. On gym skip days I guess I'll take pills. It seems to be working about as well as the Mega-Mind/St. John's Wort combo I've been taking, but like I said, it's still too soon to tell. Since the fish oil is supposed to have the added benefits of keeping my PMS in check and all that heart-healthiness, I'm kind of rooting for it to work. I'll keep you posted.

I could get lost in my own back yard.

Do you know what's awesome? Apparently it's becoming standard practice around here to turn big copy and production jobs over to the drafters instead of the project admins. This is probably not so awesome for CAG, who loves getting to hide in the print shop for hours at at ime, but personally, I'm thrilled by this turn of events.

Do you know what's not so awesome, but kind of funny, in the "if I don't laugh about this I'll cry" kind of way? Being so tired when you leave the office that your ADD takes over completely and you zone out and miss your exit.

But wait: this story needs more set-up.

Basically, there are two ways to get home from my office. One is the Interstate/Route 66 combo that takes me through two big towns, a lot of stop lights, and past the big Cherokee casino with it's giant Vegas-style marquis that sits right by the highway and can be seen for miles; otherwise known as a Major Hassle, or The Way To Be Avoided At All Costs.

The other way is to exit from the interstate onto a state highway that only goes through one big town, has but one stop light, and is practically a straight shot to my front door; otherwise known as The Way I Usually Go.

So, I missed my exit, and ended up having to take the hassle-way home. But that's not the funny-sad part. The funny-sad part is how long it took me, once I realized something was amiss, to figure out what had happened and where I was. My thought process went something like this:

Daydream daydream daydream. Huh, that McDonald's billboard is new. Do they mean the McD's inside the Wal-Mart? Weird that that would get it's own billboard. Daydream daydream obliviousness daydream. What's that bright thing up there? Is that a casino sign? When did they put a casino sign there? WHY did they put one there? The casino's miles from here. Wait... none of these signs look familiar! What the hell? Oh my God, where the hell am I? Panic! Cursing! Pleading to God! Oh, wait... there's the casino. You're still on the interstate, doofus. Dammit.

In my defense, for all I knew, by the time I came back from zoning out I'd already driven halfway to Missouri. If not for the casino sign snapping me out of my fugue there's actually a good chance I'd have driven all the way there.

I just plain should not be allowed to drive when I'm tired.

Me, a Guest Blogger

Adult ADD and Money posted a short essay by yours truly on how I trained myself to be (more or less) financially responsible.