The Solace of the List

Are you a list person? I so very definitely am. Making lists gives me a sense of comfort and control that is just this side of irrationally wacky. Or maybe it's on the other side and I crossed that line five turn-offs ago. Is there a way I can tell? One that doesn't involve helping to pay the student loans of a person who went to school for six to eight years to earn a piece of paper that says they can officially tell me so?

I know! I'll make a list!

All kidding aside, the truth is that list-making has saved my sanity on a really big number of occasions. When I have so much to do I can't figure out where to start? Make a list. When life dumps a big truckload of doody on top of me and I don't know how to dig myself out? Make a list. When I've got a big decision to make? List. Wanting to feel organized without having to actually organize anything that isn't bullet points on paper? Say it with me now... LIST!

I think that last item sums it up, why I'm so list-dependent. On the To Do variety, making a check-mark gives me a lovely sense of accomplishment. On every other kind, it helps me organize my thoughts, realize my options, gives me the feeling, even if I never do one blasted thing that's on the list, that I am making a PLAN. And having a PLAN means I am in CONTROL. That's right, move along, no chaos to see here. See? I have a list to prove it.

To illustrate how far this goes, I even have my own wiki. The first page of this wiki is a list of all of the projects that I'm either committed to, need to commit to, or wish I had the time to do, in that order. And each item in this first list is a link to a sub-list, a To Do list of things that need to happen to accomplish that project. Some of my sub-lists even have sub-lists, and on and on and on to infinity and beyond.

Neurotic? Sure, but who isn't these days? If you share this particular neuroses, then you are a kindred spirit and we should be friends. And also you might want to check out Wikispaces, where you can create and organize your own list-wikis completely free of charge, listing and linking and sublisting and interlinking all of your lists into a thing of freakish obsessive-compulsive beauty that only you can fully appreciate and understand. This is where my sanity lives. Won't you join me there?

Personality Quiz Spam

I don't post quiz results very often, but this one amused me. I already knew I was an INFP, but I really don't think I'm quite as bad as all that.

Via bojojoti:

Almost Perfect- INFP 6% Extraversion, 86% Intuition, 26% Thinking, 33% Judging

So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it's never gonna happen. Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You're a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good. Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME. Though you're constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you're not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values. You're most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards. Disregard what I said before. You're just easy to find fault in as everyone else! Luckily, you're generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don't need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself. ***************** If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this. ***************** The other personality types are as follows... Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Extraversion You scored higher than 93% on Intuition You scored higher than 8% on Thinking You scored higher than 17% on Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Dusting Off my Psych-Soc Degree and Getting My Intellectual On...

This Boing Boing article on whether autism and psychopathy can genuinely be defined as mental disorders asks the question, "are there many 'disorders' that are really 'adaptations'?" It's an interesting question, and touches a nerve with me because I've long thought there was some credence to the theory that Attention Deficit Disorder wouldn't exist as such if not for the fact that our society simply isn't designed to accomodate, let alone reward, those who are wired with the traits that make up ADD.

This is supported by the fact that the best "cure" that I've encountered is simply arranging my life to capitalize on these traits instead of being hindered by them. But since that's not really a practical solution for anyone who has to hold down a day job, I instead manage my ADD traits through a combo of behavioral conditioning and nutritional supplements, in effect carving my square brain to fit in society's round hole. I'm tempted to become resentful of this sometimes, to shuck it all and just say "That's just the way I'm wired, baby!" And it would be freeing and a huge relief, for a while, until my ADDness got out of control to the point that I can no longer manage my finances, my marriage erodes, and soon I'm staying down at the Y and scraping a living by selling my craft projects at flea markets. And so I take my pills and religiously keep my lists and my calendars and am grateful for my job. And consider that maybe the fact that nutritional supplements have such an impact on my brain's ability to function is a pretty good indicator that my brain is missing something, that on its own it doesn't have what it needs to produce the chemicals necessary for "normal" functioning. And that's what makes it a disorder.

I suppose, sociologically speaking, a mental disorder can be defined as any wired behavior that prevents an individual from being a functional member of the society in which she lives. So then the question follows, what happens when it's the society that's broken? My clinical psychology prof, on the other hand, taught that it's not right to make the diagnosis of a disorder if the symptoms aren't causing the individual significant distress. Makes sense. This is why I have and am treated for Attention Deficit Disorder, but I merely have OCD-like tendencies--the latter are manageable and don't cause me any problems outside of odd looks from people who just don't get my quirks, whereas the former has been known to significantly jack up my life.

I suppose that doesn't really answer the question of whether I'd still be considered to have a disorder if our school and work systems were designed to be more ADD-friendly, or for that matter whether it should be my responsibility to conform to society, or society's responsibility to conform to me and those like me. But for now this is the world in which I live, and my life in this world requires that I treat my ADD the way the world defines it. So I'll keep popping my focus aides. And dreaming of the day when I can quit the 9 to 5 grind and write full time and hire people to manage my life for me, and wondering if, when that day happens, will I still have ADD?