That thing I linked to the other day, the one I said was resonating with me? About un-effing your environment and habits and life? The next day I started playing along, and I started a Tumblr for it. I'm doing my best to keep it SFW, but occasionally I might re-blog something that's NSFW, so be warned.
At any rate, this project seems to be working. My house is slowly but surely coming together, and I'm starting to feel like I'm more together, and I think maybe that this is what being a grownup feels like. And it's a good feeling.
In other news, I've started jogging again. I can't remember if I mentioned that in my last post, but I have, and I'm still at it. I'm almost up to being able to do two-minute stretches. I don't have a timer, so I'm having to count paces instead of time, but I did time myself enough to know that I go at about two paces per second, so that's 120 paces per minute. And today I got up to 200 paces without feeling like I was going to die. If I kept going, I probably would have felt like dying, though. So I'll hold steady at 200 this week, and next week try for 220, and see how that goes.
I haven't been weighing myself (but I should probably start doing that regularly again), but my size 12 jeans are starting to get baggy, so I must be losing. My diet isn't 100% back to where it was pre-holiday season, but it's probably about 90% Zone/low-glycemic/healthy. I just need to be a little more diligent about eating my veggies and finish weaning myself off of sugar. But I'm hoping to get down to a size 10 by my birthday, so I can get some new jeans as a birthday present. I think it's doable.
I realize I came off as really down in my last post, and I'm not, really. I was hormonal that day, and I was SUPER hormonal the day I was thinking all of those depressing thoughts. I just want everyone to know that, most of the time, especially the times when my hormones aren't making me insane, I'm okay. I'm pretty content and at peace with where we are (in life, that is; not so much with our physical location. I really want to move) and with what we have, which is everything we truly need. And I've only been out of work a little over a week, and I've got a conference call scheduled for Wednesday with a potential new client, so things on the work front aren't all gloom and despair.
And yes, I am frustrated and still get down sometimes about our finances not yet being sufficient to TTC responsibly, but I also still have work I need to do to get my health and body ready first. So, you know. I'm having faith that if it's meant to happen, it will happen when God knows we're good and ready for it to happen. In the mean time, we've got self and home and financial improvements to get done. So I'm mostly in a pretty good place these days.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
February 27, 2012
February 22, 2012
The State Of Me
This is resonating with me. Both that tumblr and the one it's referencing contain copious F-bombs and other language, so before you click the link let me explain. It's a tumblr started by a fiction author whose blog I sometimes follow, dedicated to following her progress as she figures out how to run her life like a grown-up.
Anyway, it's resonating with me because hi, I'm going to be 39 in six weeks. This is distressing for two primary reasons, one of which you can probably guess if you've been following along here, which is the one where I really want to have a baby before I'm 40, but that seems to be becoming less and less likely to happen. The other reason is simply that 39 is only one year away from 40, and people in their forties are supposed to have their lives much more together than I do. I mean, seriously. I had every expectation that, by the time I reached this stage of my life, I would have figured out how to act like a reasonable adult human being who can manage her finances and keep a clean house and wake up before 10 AM and not call changing from pajama pants into sweat pants "getting dressed." EXPECTATION: UNMET.
Sigh.
So, it's been a while. How've you been?
I've been vacillating between okay and not so okay, but mostly, I've been okay. I mean, I haven't been posting here because the baby project and the diet project have both been hung up in limbo, the baby project because we have to make some major improvements to our finances before we can even go there, and the diet project because I can't just do dieting in the winter. Although I have managed to maintain my weight loss, so I'm pretty proud of that. But now that the weather is warmer and the days are longer, I'm starting to work out regularly again, and I've got my eating habits mostly back to where they were pre-holidays, so I'm starting to lose again, little by little. My current goal is to be down to a size 10 by my birthday. But when nothing is moving forward, there's not a lot to say about it; and the parts of my life that have had movement are covered over at my Profeshunal Writur blog. On a personal blog focusing mainly on getting healthy and battling IF, there's really not much to say when nothing is happening in those areas and everything is pretty much okay.
Except, of course, when it's not. And there are plenty of days when it's not. For about a month I managed to not think too much about having to put off TTC and to just be okay with it, but that's getting harder to do, and the not okay moments are increasing. There are moments like today, when we were on our way home from a mild spending spree at Target, the first time in months that we've been able to loosen our belts a bit and buy a few small wants instead of strictly needs, thanks to Husband's student loan money. And it's fun to spend on wants, even small ones, especially when you haven't done it in so long, and today was a beautiful day, and we were both in a great mood. And then Matt pointed to a truck idling next to us at a stop light, a really nice truck, and started talking about how he'd like a truck like that some day, and I just became overwhelmed with this absolute certainty that our financial situation will never improve, that we'll never get to have nice things, we'll never be able to afford to start a family, we'll never get out of debt, and we'll spend the rest of our lives just scraping by and struggling to hang on to the little that we do have. And even though I don't particularly want a truck of any kind, I became suddenly angry with Matt for showing me nice things that are so completely out of our reach that they might as well be on another planet, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears on the spot.
So yeah, there are times like that.
I'm out of work again, which isn't helping. Things were going great for a while -- I had some steady support clients, and although I was undercharging for my services and therefore having to work my butt off just to make ends meet, at least I was working, and the ends were indeed meeting. But then all of my clients left me at once, for various reasons, as always happens. Projects got wrapped up, in-house employees were found to possess my same skill-set, other freelancers were found who charge even less than I was charging. And while things were still going so well, I raised my prices and changed my business, and Matt and I decided that he would be my partner and be in charge of sales and helping me drum up business. Except we haven't managed to drum up any yet. And while I've only been out of work for a week, and Matt and I are still strategizing about the best way to approach potential clients, and we're going out tomorrow to introduce ourselves to some leads, and I know that these things take time and I knew that it wouldn't turn around overnight, I'm still having to fight the urge to panic and give up and undo all of the changes and go back to not charging enough to earn a decent living.
Anybody need some web design work done? Or know somebody who does? Because I'm available, and I could use the work.
But I'm mostly just thanking God that the gigs all dried up right when we got Matt's student loan refund, so we've got a bit of a cushion, and really, there's no reason to panic. And I'm doing my best to trust that the work will start flowing in again when we really need it to, which is what it's been doing without fail for the last three years. And I'm really, really grateful that we've been able to hold onto our house and pay all of our bills and keep the 'fridge stocked, and I know that we're so incredibly blessed just to have everything we truly need. But, man, you guys, just once, it would be so nice to be able to get ahead, to have the money not dry up, to not have to rely on cushions and to be able to make some actual progress paying off our debt, to be in a position to help people and give to charity without a second thought instead of feeling like a charity case.
But mostly, I just want to be able to afford to get pregnant and have a baby. That shouldn't feel like so much to ask.
Anyway, it's resonating with me because hi, I'm going to be 39 in six weeks. This is distressing for two primary reasons, one of which you can probably guess if you've been following along here, which is the one where I really want to have a baby before I'm 40, but that seems to be becoming less and less likely to happen. The other reason is simply that 39 is only one year away from 40, and people in their forties are supposed to have their lives much more together than I do. I mean, seriously. I had every expectation that, by the time I reached this stage of my life, I would have figured out how to act like a reasonable adult human being who can manage her finances and keep a clean house and wake up before 10 AM and not call changing from pajama pants into sweat pants "getting dressed." EXPECTATION: UNMET.
Sigh.
So, it's been a while. How've you been?
I've been vacillating between okay and not so okay, but mostly, I've been okay. I mean, I haven't been posting here because the baby project and the diet project have both been hung up in limbo, the baby project because we have to make some major improvements to our finances before we can even go there, and the diet project because I can't just do dieting in the winter. Although I have managed to maintain my weight loss, so I'm pretty proud of that. But now that the weather is warmer and the days are longer, I'm starting to work out regularly again, and I've got my eating habits mostly back to where they were pre-holidays, so I'm starting to lose again, little by little. My current goal is to be down to a size 10 by my birthday. But when nothing is moving forward, there's not a lot to say about it; and the parts of my life that have had movement are covered over at my Profeshunal Writur blog. On a personal blog focusing mainly on getting healthy and battling IF, there's really not much to say when nothing is happening in those areas and everything is pretty much okay.
Except, of course, when it's not. And there are plenty of days when it's not. For about a month I managed to not think too much about having to put off TTC and to just be okay with it, but that's getting harder to do, and the not okay moments are increasing. There are moments like today, when we were on our way home from a mild spending spree at Target, the first time in months that we've been able to loosen our belts a bit and buy a few small wants instead of strictly needs, thanks to Husband's student loan money. And it's fun to spend on wants, even small ones, especially when you haven't done it in so long, and today was a beautiful day, and we were both in a great mood. And then Matt pointed to a truck idling next to us at a stop light, a really nice truck, and started talking about how he'd like a truck like that some day, and I just became overwhelmed with this absolute certainty that our financial situation will never improve, that we'll never get to have nice things, we'll never be able to afford to start a family, we'll never get out of debt, and we'll spend the rest of our lives just scraping by and struggling to hang on to the little that we do have. And even though I don't particularly want a truck of any kind, I became suddenly angry with Matt for showing me nice things that are so completely out of our reach that they might as well be on another planet, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears on the spot.
So yeah, there are times like that.
I'm out of work again, which isn't helping. Things were going great for a while -- I had some steady support clients, and although I was undercharging for my services and therefore having to work my butt off just to make ends meet, at least I was working, and the ends were indeed meeting. But then all of my clients left me at once, for various reasons, as always happens. Projects got wrapped up, in-house employees were found to possess my same skill-set, other freelancers were found who charge even less than I was charging. And while things were still going so well, I raised my prices and changed my business, and Matt and I decided that he would be my partner and be in charge of sales and helping me drum up business. Except we haven't managed to drum up any yet. And while I've only been out of work for a week, and Matt and I are still strategizing about the best way to approach potential clients, and we're going out tomorrow to introduce ourselves to some leads, and I know that these things take time and I knew that it wouldn't turn around overnight, I'm still having to fight the urge to panic and give up and undo all of the changes and go back to not charging enough to earn a decent living.
Anybody need some web design work done? Or know somebody who does? Because I'm available, and I could use the work.
But I'm mostly just thanking God that the gigs all dried up right when we got Matt's student loan refund, so we've got a bit of a cushion, and really, there's no reason to panic. And I'm doing my best to trust that the work will start flowing in again when we really need it to, which is what it's been doing without fail for the last three years. And I'm really, really grateful that we've been able to hold onto our house and pay all of our bills and keep the 'fridge stocked, and I know that we're so incredibly blessed just to have everything we truly need. But, man, you guys, just once, it would be so nice to be able to get ahead, to have the money not dry up, to not have to rely on cushions and to be able to make some actual progress paying off our debt, to be in a position to help people and give to charity without a second thought instead of feeling like a charity case.
But mostly, I just want to be able to afford to get pregnant and have a baby. That shouldn't feel like so much to ask.
September 15, 2011
Be Still And Know
It happens every Saturday. Toward the end of the week, I build up a big mental list of everything I'm going to get done with all of my copious free time over the weekend. I plan to be a weekend warrior and conquer housework and yard work and craft projects and a massive word count on my novel-in-progress, and all the other stuff I tell myself I don't have time for during the week. I go to bed on Friday night with that To Do list swimming in my head, and I wake up in the morning rarin' to go.
And then I sit down to work on my novel and realize that I'm actually quite exhausted and all I really want to do is sit there and catch up on my shows and my reading. Which I then proceed to do, for the entire day, all the while beating myself up about it.
I've been dealing a lot lately with discouragement and anxiety. Ever since the economy went kerplooey (again... or would that be "kerplooeyer"?) over the summer, my freelance business has slowed way, way down, and since my last regular client was forced to "take a break" from working with me, I've been running around like a frantic chicken, putting irons in the fire and digging ditches to lay the groundwork for income streams, and nothing seems to be panning out. I seem to have it in my head that if I can just stay in motion and prove (to who? I don't even know) what a hard worker I am, eventually it will all pay off and I'll be rewarded for my efforts. But it feels like nothing I do succeeds, and all my hard work is for naught.
I'm also struggling with envy and coveting. I look around and see people with the same talents and skills that I have who are enjoying great success and reaping the fruits of their labor, and I can't help but wonder, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong? What am I not doing enough of?
I believe that God is my provider. The above promise has been put to the test again and again since I lost my steady job two years ago and embarked on a freelance career. Somehow, some way, we always, always have what we need. Sometimes I have no idea how we're going to make our mortgage or pay all of our bills, but the money has always turned up when we need it, sometimes just in the nick of time. God's provision has never failed, not once.
But if I really believe in God's provision, then why am I constantly busting my rear and wearing myself out trying to do everything by my own might? Why am I always so stressed out about our finances, and anxious about my business? Why am I neglecting my home and my family and time that could be spent in Bible study and prayer and meditation in order to manufacture work for myself under the guise of building my portfolio?
Why am I so worn out at the end of the week when nobody has actually hired me to do anything?
As I've prayed about this recently, I feel like I'm finally starting to get the message that God's been trying to send me for the last couple of years. The Bible is full of promises about God's provision, and of commands to refrain from worry. Seek Him first and all else will be added unto you. Be anxious for nothing. Bring ALL things to Him in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Remember the Sabbath, and keep it holy.
The Sabbath isn't just a day off each week. It's an ongoing state of believing and trusting that God is in control, that He cares for us and wants to take care of us, and He wants us to relax and let Him do so.
Growing up, my dad never let us rest. We were always expected to work to earn our keep, to prove our worth. Now that I'm a married adult, my husband does his best to contribute and provide as much as his disability allows him to do so, but as the only totally able-bodied adult in our household, I feel tremendous pressure, mostly from myself, to be the primary breadwinner, and when my efforts fall short, as they so often do, I feel a deep sense of failure.
But I feel like my Heavenly Father is trying to get me to see that He's there, taking care of me, providing for me and my family, and that I don't have to constantly work to earn His care. He gives it freely, simply because He loves me. And he wants me to learn how to rest in that knowledge.
So this is what I'm working on for the moment. I'm going to slow down and enjoy my free time. I'm going to make time for God each day, and for my husband, and to pay some badly needed attention to my house and my poor, raggedy yard. I'm going to make time to take proper care of myself and prepare my body, as well as my heart and mind, for another pregnancy. And I'm going to allow myself to spend time on things I enjoy instead of making work for myself that nobody's paying me for.
And instead of worrying about what will happen when my husband's financial aid for this semester runs out, I'm going to work on trusting that God will open doors for us and that clients, customers and readers will show up when we need them.
Not by my might, Lord, nor by my power, but by YOUR spirit. Here I am, letting go and depending on You. Amen.
And then I sit down to work on my novel and realize that I'm actually quite exhausted and all I really want to do is sit there and catch up on my shows and my reading. Which I then proceed to do, for the entire day, all the while beating myself up about it.
I've been dealing a lot lately with discouragement and anxiety. Ever since the economy went kerplooey (again... or would that be "kerplooeyer"?) over the summer, my freelance business has slowed way, way down, and since my last regular client was forced to "take a break" from working with me, I've been running around like a frantic chicken, putting irons in the fire and digging ditches to lay the groundwork for income streams, and nothing seems to be panning out. I seem to have it in my head that if I can just stay in motion and prove (to who? I don't even know) what a hard worker I am, eventually it will all pay off and I'll be rewarded for my efforts. But it feels like nothing I do succeeds, and all my hard work is for naught.
I'm also struggling with envy and coveting. I look around and see people with the same talents and skills that I have who are enjoying great success and reaping the fruits of their labor, and I can't help but wonder, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong? What am I not doing enough of?
And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. –Philippians 4:19
I believe that God is my provider. The above promise has been put to the test again and again since I lost my steady job two years ago and embarked on a freelance career. Somehow, some way, we always, always have what we need. Sometimes I have no idea how we're going to make our mortgage or pay all of our bills, but the money has always turned up when we need it, sometimes just in the nick of time. God's provision has never failed, not once.
But if I really believe in God's provision, then why am I constantly busting my rear and wearing myself out trying to do everything by my own might? Why am I always so stressed out about our finances, and anxious about my business? Why am I neglecting my home and my family and time that could be spent in Bible study and prayer and meditation in order to manufacture work for myself under the guise of building my portfolio?
Why am I so worn out at the end of the week when nobody has actually hired me to do anything?
As I've prayed about this recently, I feel like I'm finally starting to get the message that God's been trying to send me for the last couple of years. The Bible is full of promises about God's provision, and of commands to refrain from worry. Seek Him first and all else will be added unto you. Be anxious for nothing. Bring ALL things to Him in prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Remember the Sabbath, and keep it holy.
The Sabbath isn't just a day off each week. It's an ongoing state of believing and trusting that God is in control, that He cares for us and wants to take care of us, and He wants us to relax and let Him do so.
Growing up, my dad never let us rest. We were always expected to work to earn our keep, to prove our worth. Now that I'm a married adult, my husband does his best to contribute and provide as much as his disability allows him to do so, but as the only totally able-bodied adult in our household, I feel tremendous pressure, mostly from myself, to be the primary breadwinner, and when my efforts fall short, as they so often do, I feel a deep sense of failure.
But I feel like my Heavenly Father is trying to get me to see that He's there, taking care of me, providing for me and my family, and that I don't have to constantly work to earn His care. He gives it freely, simply because He loves me. And he wants me to learn how to rest in that knowledge.
So this is what I'm working on for the moment. I'm going to slow down and enjoy my free time. I'm going to make time for God each day, and for my husband, and to pay some badly needed attention to my house and my poor, raggedy yard. I'm going to make time to take proper care of myself and prepare my body, as well as my heart and mind, for another pregnancy. And I'm going to allow myself to spend time on things I enjoy instead of making work for myself that nobody's paying me for.
And instead of worrying about what will happen when my husband's financial aid for this semester runs out, I'm going to work on trusting that God will open doors for us and that clients, customers and readers will show up when we need them.
Not by my might, Lord, nor by my power, but by YOUR spirit. Here I am, letting go and depending on You. Amen.
June 11, 2011
A Non-Taxing Potpourri of Updates and Such
I keep wanting to turn this into more of an essay blog, with posts that are more carefully thought out and crafted, albeit less frequent. But I rarely have the time for that sort of post, and when I do, I don't have the energy to put that much thought into it. So instead here's a random list of what I've been up to lately:
- Writing. Business has slowed down over at The Web Wrangler, so in addition to working on my novel I've also been busting my hinder cranking out articles for Demand Studios. Specifically, I've been writing for their new property White Fence, a consumer info & comparison site for utilities. So I've been comparing a lot of phone companies and satellite TV providers and Internet providers and whatnot, and if I never have to try to find pricing info on a service that doesn't let you see their pricing unless you live in their service area again, it will be too soon. But I'll probably have to do it again starting Monday, which is too soonest.
I might be a little burned out on article writing right now. Can you tell?
- Learning crochet. I made an attempt at this last fall, but I absolutely couldn't understand the diagrams I found online, and watching how-to videos didn't do anything to clear things up for me. But since "Learn a new yarn craft" is on my list of goals for 2011, and since I didn't get the yarn spinning kit I wanted either for Christmas OR my birthday (clearly, I need to be less subtle about dropping gift hints), I decided to give it another go.
As luck would have it, last weekend we made a trek to the used book store, where I picked this up:
The book, that is, not the granny squares. Those, I made, thanks to the VERY clear and easy to understand diagrams in the book. The top square was my first, and I had to unravel and start over three times before I got it right, but I don't think it turned out too badly for my first time crocheting EVER*. The bottom one was my second attempt, and it turned out even better.
I still need a lot of practice before this comes easily for me. For one thing, it's really hard to get used to holding the yarn in my left hand -- I keep automatically picking it up and holding it in my right hand as if to knit. And I don't think crochet is going to supplant knitting any time soon as my favorite yarn-related pastime. But I've always wanted to be able to make granny squares, and now I can. Now if I can just figure out amigurumi, I'll be happy with the extent of my crochet skills.
Oh, and now I can make this! Isn't that awesome? That whole blanket is just one giant granny square. I think I know a certain grand-niece or -nephew-to-be who might be destined to get one of these after they join us out here in the world.
*My big sister taught me how to chain stitch when I was a little kid, and she might have even taught me single crochet stitch, but I never actually made anything, and I didn't retain any of it. So I might as well have been a crochet virgin.
- Watching Doctor Who and crushing hard on Rory. And fearing for him. And being totally won over by River, and by Matt Smith's Doctor, and ready to jump on board that ship. I think this latest season just might be my favorite season ever.
- Not losing weight. It seems I've gotten stuck on that dreaded plateau I was worried about. It's frustrating, because I've been doing great on my diet and working out almost religiously. But for the last month or so the scales have been stuck bouncing around between 175 and 173, and won't budge a single pound lower. It's possible that I've still been experiencing "hidden weight loss", building muscle faster than I'm losing fat, since I've been doing a lot of toning exercises.
Even so, today I adjusted my diet according to advice on the Zone web site for getting off of a plateau--namely, reducing my carbs by one block at each meal and adding an extra block of monounsaturated fat. It seems counter-intuitive, but apparently eating healthy fats helps regulate insulin, which in turn causes you to burn fat. So here's hoping this un-sticks me, and I can get back to making progress toward getting ready to TTC.
April 19, 2011
365: 9 & 10
Yesterday was BIZ-AY, and so no time to post. So today you get a two-fer, both taken right before my workout.
Here's today:
And yesterday:
Stats:
Weight - 178ish
Mood - brain fried
Bathroom - I don't want to talk about it
Confession: I've been so busy with my Blogging for Business launch that I didn't have time on either day to get dressed until right before my workout ...at 6 PM. It's going to be that way all week. Doing this launch feels exactly like scrambling to get my senior capstone project done in time for graduation. STRESS.
Here's today:
And yesterday:
Stats:
Weight - 178ish
Mood - brain fried
Bathroom - I don't want to talk about it
Confession: I've been so busy with my Blogging for Business launch that I didn't have time on either day to get dressed until right before my workout ...at 6 PM. It's going to be that way all week. Doing this launch feels exactly like scrambling to get my senior capstone project done in time for graduation. STRESS.
March 28, 2011
Melancholy and the Office of Sadness
I'm back in my office today, for the first time since Bobo died. I'd already gotten so used to him hanging out on the pallet we'd made for him on the floor next to my desk, that I haven't had the heart to break the pallet down, or remove his food and water bowls, or sit here next to that empty space.
This room has become a sad room; but it's also the room where I do my best being focused and productive, and I need to take it back. So this morning I made myself remove the bowls and re-cover his pillow for the other cats (and Pete) to use. It was hard, and sitting here at my desk with him gone is hard. I just feel so much like we failed him, and like we failed Mom and Rob, even though I know that we did everything we possibly could for him, and that he just didn't want to go on without his people.
So the mood in my office is melancholic. The gray skies and chilly weather are certainly contributing to that. Today would be an excellent day to curl up in bed and listen to emo music and write more angsty lyrics, but I have too much work to do. I guess I'd best go do it.
This room has become a sad room; but it's also the room where I do my best being focused and productive, and I need to take it back. So this morning I made myself remove the bowls and re-cover his pillow for the other cats (and Pete) to use. It was hard, and sitting here at my desk with him gone is hard. I just feel so much like we failed him, and like we failed Mom and Rob, even though I know that we did everything we possibly could for him, and that he just didn't want to go on without his people.
So the mood in my office is melancholic. The gray skies and chilly weather are certainly contributing to that. Today would be an excellent day to curl up in bed and listen to emo music and write more angsty lyrics, but I have too much work to do. I guess I'd best go do it.
March 15, 2011
750 Words
I read somewhere the other day that a 750-word (or three page) brain dump is just about right for emptying your head so you can get over feeling overwhelmed and focus on what needs to be done. I'm pretty sure I have more than 750 words' worth of overwhelming crap stuffed in my brain right now, but I'm not actually going to count. "750 Words" is a nicer-sounding title than "Brain Dump," at any rate.
I'm having trouble with the whole baby thing right now. The 1st anniversary of my second MC is coming up at the end of the month (I guess the anniversary of the day her heart actually stopped beating is any day now) (and that's right, I said "her," because after almost a year of not really feeling sure or being afraid to commit to a feeling in case I'm wrong, I suddenly, finally have a strong gut feeling that baby #1 was a boy, and #2 was a girl, and it doesn't really matter if I'm wrong, does it?). I don't know if it's because of that, or because I'm still shaky from the loss of Mom and Rob and Bobo, or if it's because I'll be 38 in 3 weeks and I'm a little panicky that time is slipping away and we're going to lose our window of opportunity. It's probably all of the above. But after months of having finally reached a place where I could be around babies and enjoy them, and read about other women's pregnancies and feel genuinely happy for them, suddenly I'm back at a place where I just CANNOT deal with hearing about other women being pregnant, or being new moms, and being around all my little grandnieces and nephews is really painful again.
I miss being pregnant. I really want to be pregnant again, but I'm terrified of trying again without getting tested for PCOS first. And I'm frustrated over our insurance situation, and the fact that even if we could afford insurance, it would be another year before the maternity coverage kicked in, plus it's doubtful if it would cover PCOS treatment anyway since I'm pretty sure that goes under the Infertility Treatment category, and did I mention that I'm about to turn 38?
One thing I do not want to hear ever again from anybody is that hey, at least I know I can get pregnant, isn't that great? Because no, it's not great to know that you can get pregnant but that for some reason your body can't keep a baby alive, and besides, THIRTY EIGHT, so who knows what my aging ovaries are going to decide to do once we're finally ready to try again?
So there's that.
I also feel like my work is split in too many directions and nothing is really getting off the ground and I really need to pick one project and stick with it until it's done; but I also need to get paid, which means other people's projects take precedence. But I just want to block off about 5 days to get the blog class up and running, but then I'll need time to market it, and I have these other blogs that I've committed to, and trying to build my mailing lists and keep them happy, and I'm really not in love with the whole Internet Marketing thing right now, and every day I wish I could be writing instead. Writing fiction, that is.
Because suddenly I keep thinking about Dominion of the Damned and how it needs to end and how I can improve what I've already written, but how the hell am I supposed to find any time to write right now? And I really wish I could because it would do wonders for my sanity.
I didn't sleep at all last night, mainly because the plot of this book I don't have time for kept playing itself over and over in my mind. And also a whole plan for publishing and marketing it all indy-style.
I have too much on my plate, and everybody in my life really needs to stop dying right now, and I'm seethingly jealous of every mom in the history of ever, and I just want to write, and I also just want to go watch TV, and I want to go lie down, and I want to do all three of those things on a beach in the Yucatan while being served ice cold cervezas and margaritas and having my feet rubbed. Oh yes, I can dream.
And now you all know just how insane I am right now, but yes, it does feel better to get all of this down and out of my head. I think if I can get a good night's sleep tonight, then tomorrow I might actually be useful and somewhat less crazy. Here's hoping.
I'm having trouble with the whole baby thing right now. The 1st anniversary of my second MC is coming up at the end of the month (I guess the anniversary of the day her heart actually stopped beating is any day now) (and that's right, I said "her," because after almost a year of not really feeling sure or being afraid to commit to a feeling in case I'm wrong, I suddenly, finally have a strong gut feeling that baby #1 was a boy, and #2 was a girl, and it doesn't really matter if I'm wrong, does it?). I don't know if it's because of that, or because I'm still shaky from the loss of Mom and Rob and Bobo, or if it's because I'll be 38 in 3 weeks and I'm a little panicky that time is slipping away and we're going to lose our window of opportunity. It's probably all of the above. But after months of having finally reached a place where I could be around babies and enjoy them, and read about other women's pregnancies and feel genuinely happy for them, suddenly I'm back at a place where I just CANNOT deal with hearing about other women being pregnant, or being new moms, and being around all my little grandnieces and nephews is really painful again.
I miss being pregnant. I really want to be pregnant again, but I'm terrified of trying again without getting tested for PCOS first. And I'm frustrated over our insurance situation, and the fact that even if we could afford insurance, it would be another year before the maternity coverage kicked in, plus it's doubtful if it would cover PCOS treatment anyway since I'm pretty sure that goes under the Infertility Treatment category, and did I mention that I'm about to turn 38?
One thing I do not want to hear ever again from anybody is that hey, at least I know I can get pregnant, isn't that great? Because no, it's not great to know that you can get pregnant but that for some reason your body can't keep a baby alive, and besides, THIRTY EIGHT, so who knows what my aging ovaries are going to decide to do once we're finally ready to try again?
So there's that.
I also feel like my work is split in too many directions and nothing is really getting off the ground and I really need to pick one project and stick with it until it's done; but I also need to get paid, which means other people's projects take precedence. But I just want to block off about 5 days to get the blog class up and running, but then I'll need time to market it, and I have these other blogs that I've committed to, and trying to build my mailing lists and keep them happy, and I'm really not in love with the whole Internet Marketing thing right now, and every day I wish I could be writing instead. Writing fiction, that is.
Because suddenly I keep thinking about Dominion of the Damned and how it needs to end and how I can improve what I've already written, but how the hell am I supposed to find any time to write right now? And I really wish I could because it would do wonders for my sanity.
I didn't sleep at all last night, mainly because the plot of this book I don't have time for kept playing itself over and over in my mind. And also a whole plan for publishing and marketing it all indy-style.
I have too much on my plate, and everybody in my life really needs to stop dying right now, and I'm seethingly jealous of every mom in the history of ever, and I just want to write, and I also just want to go watch TV, and I want to go lie down, and I want to do all three of those things on a beach in the Yucatan while being served ice cold cervezas and margaritas and having my feet rubbed. Oh yes, I can dream.
And now you all know just how insane I am right now, but yes, it does feel better to get all of this down and out of my head. I think if I can get a good night's sleep tonight, then tomorrow I might actually be useful and somewhat less crazy. Here's hoping.
March 8, 2011
Hooky
I'm playing hooky today. I didn't plan to; I signed onto the Internet with every intention of getting work done. But after a couple of hours of catching up on my "fun" blog reads and watching Muppet videos on Youtube, I realized how much I really need a day to be totally unproductive and just rest. A random day off in the middle of the week that doesn't involve burying pets or going to funeral homes or taking care of the estates of deceased loved ones.
I think when you wake up in the morning already crying, it's okay to take the day off.
It might seem like an easy decision, but it's not. Business has been slow and we're teetering on the brink of financial destitution, so I've been working overtime to generate some income. I set up a new Etsy store for graphic & web design, which still needs more stock added to it, and launched a monthly graphics subscription club. But so far, nobody's buying. I've been working my butt off to generate client leads, and I keep getting bites, but I'm not closing any sales. I even took an online class on ethical salesmanship that guaranteed increased sales, but it hasn't made a lick of difference. So it's pretty frustrating, and certainly isn't helping my stress-levels.
Cue the well-intentioned and not-at-all-judgy e-mails telling me that I should go get a job at Walmart or McDonald's because my business is clearly a failure. I love those e-mails.
Anyway. I have one more product that I want to hurry and get on the market before I go back to writing full-time for Demand Studios until things pick up. I got pretty burned out on DS last year, but at least it's a paycheck. But before that starts taking up all of my time and energy, I want to put together an online course on blogging for businesses. There are plenty of courses out there on how to blog AS a business, but I haven't seen any targeted at businesses that want to add a blog to their web sites to improve SEO, generate leads, build credibility and trust, etc. So I'm developing that, and hopefully I'll be able to develop an audience for it (if you think you might be the audience for it, you can sign up here to be notified when it's ready to launch).
I'm also thinking about putting together a chapbook of my short stories and Ficlets to sell. And possibly re-editing and re-packaging This Old Haunt and going whole-hog with the self-publishing instead of just throwing it up on Scribd. But I probably need to get a few DS articles under my belt before I can make time for that.
But today, I'm going to put my feet up and watch TV and videos and maybe get some exercise and practice my bass and read something for pleasure. Work and money woes and packing away Bobo's things and cleaning the carpet stains in my office can all wait for tomorrow.
I think when you wake up in the morning already crying, it's okay to take the day off.
It might seem like an easy decision, but it's not. Business has been slow and we're teetering on the brink of financial destitution, so I've been working overtime to generate some income. I set up a new Etsy store for graphic & web design, which still needs more stock added to it, and launched a monthly graphics subscription club. But so far, nobody's buying. I've been working my butt off to generate client leads, and I keep getting bites, but I'm not closing any sales. I even took an online class on ethical salesmanship that guaranteed increased sales, but it hasn't made a lick of difference. So it's pretty frustrating, and certainly isn't helping my stress-levels.
Cue the well-intentioned and not-at-all-judgy e-mails telling me that I should go get a job at Walmart or McDonald's because my business is clearly a failure. I love those e-mails.
Anyway. I have one more product that I want to hurry and get on the market before I go back to writing full-time for Demand Studios until things pick up. I got pretty burned out on DS last year, but at least it's a paycheck. But before that starts taking up all of my time and energy, I want to put together an online course on blogging for businesses. There are plenty of courses out there on how to blog AS a business, but I haven't seen any targeted at businesses that want to add a blog to their web sites to improve SEO, generate leads, build credibility and trust, etc. So I'm developing that, and hopefully I'll be able to develop an audience for it (if you think you might be the audience for it, you can sign up here to be notified when it's ready to launch).
I'm also thinking about putting together a chapbook of my short stories and Ficlets to sell. And possibly re-editing and re-packaging This Old Haunt and going whole-hog with the self-publishing instead of just throwing it up on Scribd. But I probably need to get a few DS articles under my belt before I can make time for that.
But today, I'm going to put my feet up and watch TV and videos and maybe get some exercise and practice my bass and read something for pleasure. Work and money woes and packing away Bobo's things and cleaning the carpet stains in my office can all wait for tomorrow.
February 11, 2011
So My Sister Doesn't Send Out A Rescue Expedition
I got a text from my Big Sis all worried about me and Matt, so I guess I'd better post a quick update. Although I'm not sure anybody will actually see it, since I went and screwed up my domain name and all.
We're snowed in. We were stuck here for a while after last week's Snowpocalypse, but then on Saturday I managed to dig out the car and go to the store to re-stock some supplies. Which was a good thing, because then it snowed again, and we've been stuck here all week. We've still got plenty of food, but we're both starting to get cabin fever. It's starting to thaw, though, so I should be able to dig the car out again this weekend.
Meanwhile, I've been busy reorganizing things and developing some products over at The Web Wrangler and laying the groundwork for their marketing campaigns. One of those projects includes a new blog, Coffee & Soft Pants, that will focus on freelancing and working online. This is mainly because I realized that neither of my current blog audiences are really the right target audience for my e-book about how I started my business on a budget of zero dollars, so I need to go out and find that audience. Anyway, if you're interested in my business goings-on, here's a vlog entry I did about it.
I wish I could say that things are moving right along, but they've kind of stalled out this week. I'm not sure if it's because I overworked myself and now I'm a little burnt out, or if it's the cabin fever with a touch of SAD, or a combination of all of the above, but this week I've been struggling with a lack of energy and motivation and a fuzzy-brained feeling that's making it really hard to focus. I've managed to push through it to a certain extent, but mostly all I'm good for lately is lying around and staring at shiny moving pictures. It's a bit frustrating, with so much on my plate, but I guess my body's trying to tell me that I need a break, and I should probably listen.
So that's what's up lately. We're mostly good, albeit a bit frazzled and stir-crazy, and I clearly need to work on the whole work/life balance thing. I think that will get easier once I get these products launched.
And how are you?
We're snowed in. We were stuck here for a while after last week's Snowpocalypse, but then on Saturday I managed to dig out the car and go to the store to re-stock some supplies. Which was a good thing, because then it snowed again, and we've been stuck here all week. We've still got plenty of food, but we're both starting to get cabin fever. It's starting to thaw, though, so I should be able to dig the car out again this weekend.
Meanwhile, I've been busy reorganizing things and developing some products over at The Web Wrangler and laying the groundwork for their marketing campaigns. One of those projects includes a new blog, Coffee & Soft Pants, that will focus on freelancing and working online. This is mainly because I realized that neither of my current blog audiences are really the right target audience for my e-book about how I started my business on a budget of zero dollars, so I need to go out and find that audience. Anyway, if you're interested in my business goings-on, here's a vlog entry I did about it.
I wish I could say that things are moving right along, but they've kind of stalled out this week. I'm not sure if it's because I overworked myself and now I'm a little burnt out, or if it's the cabin fever with a touch of SAD, or a combination of all of the above, but this week I've been struggling with a lack of energy and motivation and a fuzzy-brained feeling that's making it really hard to focus. I've managed to push through it to a certain extent, but mostly all I'm good for lately is lying around and staring at shiny moving pictures. It's a bit frustrating, with so much on my plate, but I guess my body's trying to tell me that I need a break, and I should probably listen.
So that's what's up lately. We're mostly good, albeit a bit frazzled and stir-crazy, and I clearly need to work on the whole work/life balance thing. I think that will get easier once I get these products launched.
And how are you?
January 18, 2011
Those 2011 Goals Are Starting To Come Along
Lately I've had my head down, hard at work on Goal #1 - making my business more profitable. I wish I could say it's already done, but all of the marketing stuff I've done so far is just the tip of the ice burg, and so far I don't have any new clients or increased web site traffic to show for it. That's a little discouraging. But it's still early, and there's still a lot to do, and I know it's going to take time. I need to stick with it. I know that if I do, by the grace of God, things will take off eventually.
Last week, I got started on Goal #5 - Run a 5K. That should really be renamed to Get My Body Ready To Make a Baby, because that's the true goal. I've been reading up on PCOS, and apparently that condition can be controlled, possibly even eliminated, with a low-glycemic diet and plenty of exercise.
Of course, I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS, thanks to my insurance running out before the OB/GYN at the clinic could test me. But I have several of the symptoms, and I just have a gut feeling that it's what caused my miscarriages.
Reading about women who've dieted their way to controlling it and having successful pregnancies has given me a lot of hope, and it's motivating me to get back on/stay on track. I've found that when I'm faced with temptation, I just need to ask myself, do I want a baby, or do I want fill-in-the-blank-temptation? Be lazy and don't exercize, or be able to have a baby? Cake, or Baby? I guess maybe that's not quite as clear-cut a choice for some as cake or death, but for me, it's working.
So I guess that also ties into Goal #2, although I still need to get health insurance. But that comes back around to Goal #1, upon which most of my other goals also rely. And so: I'm keeping my head down, working on making that one happen. So it goes.
Last week, I got started on Goal #5 - Run a 5K. That should really be renamed to Get My Body Ready To Make a Baby, because that's the true goal. I've been reading up on PCOS, and apparently that condition can be controlled, possibly even eliminated, with a low-glycemic diet and plenty of exercise.
Of course, I haven't been officially diagnosed with PCOS, thanks to my insurance running out before the OB/GYN at the clinic could test me. But I have several of the symptoms, and I just have a gut feeling that it's what caused my miscarriages.
Reading about women who've dieted their way to controlling it and having successful pregnancies has given me a lot of hope, and it's motivating me to get back on/stay on track. I've found that when I'm faced with temptation, I just need to ask myself, do I want a baby, or do I want fill-in-the-blank-temptation? Be lazy and don't exercize, or be able to have a baby? Cake, or Baby? I guess maybe that's not quite as clear-cut a choice for some as cake or death, but for me, it's working.
So I guess that also ties into Goal #2, although I still need to get health insurance. But that comes back around to Goal #1, upon which most of my other goals also rely. And so: I'm keeping my head down, working on making that one happen. So it goes.
January 15, 2011
Memorial Planning
This week has been better. Busy, but better. Busy because, believe it or not, taking three weeks off from your business to deal with your late mom-in-law's estate followed by a week of double-whammy sickness results in a big daggum pile of stuff that needs getting done. Shocking, I know. But at least we're both mostly over the crud now, so getting stuff done has gotten easier.
First things first: we've made arrangements for the memorial service. If you'd like to attend, it will be next Saturday, January 22nd, at 3:00 PM CST, in the fellowship hall at Southwood Bible Church here in Tulsa. We're asking people to bring, if possible, a snack, appetizer or dessert and a story or memory to share about Gina. But nobody will give you the stink-eye if you don't bring any food or don't want to speak.
I went shopping today for supplies for the service, and for a decent pair of pants for Rob to wear in public since, being a shut-in for the last however many years, all he had were sweat pants. I also bought supplies to make a picture collage to display at the service. We'll probably start on that tonight. My friend Erin wrote a really touching poem that we'll probably include somewhere in the collage.
Still debating on whether to do a program, or some kind of obituary hand-out. We also still need to get a nice urn. We were going to shop for that the other day after visiting Rob, but it's a depressing task and when the time came we just weren't in the mood to deal with it. Obviously, we're going to have to suck it up and get that done soon.
On a happy note, Rob's mood is improving. He's making friends at the nursing home and he told us the other day that he's starting to like it there. Of course, he's still grieving pretty hard, but at least it's no longer compounded by depression over his new living situation. His birthday is tomorrow, so we'll be taking him some treats and letting him try his new pants on for size.
I wish Bobo was doing as well as Rob, but he's still hiding out in my office and not eating very much. He was so gigantically obese when we got him that I'm not too concerned yet. He's lost weight, but he can still stand to lose more. Before the month is out I'll do a proper introductory post about him. Hopefully with pictures, if I can get him to come out of hiding long enough to get a few.
First things first: we've made arrangements for the memorial service. If you'd like to attend, it will be next Saturday, January 22nd, at 3:00 PM CST, in the fellowship hall at Southwood Bible Church here in Tulsa. We're asking people to bring, if possible, a snack, appetizer or dessert and a story or memory to share about Gina. But nobody will give you the stink-eye if you don't bring any food or don't want to speak.
I went shopping today for supplies for the service, and for a decent pair of pants for Rob to wear in public since, being a shut-in for the last however many years, all he had were sweat pants. I also bought supplies to make a picture collage to display at the service. We'll probably start on that tonight. My friend Erin wrote a really touching poem that we'll probably include somewhere in the collage.
Still debating on whether to do a program, or some kind of obituary hand-out. We also still need to get a nice urn. We were going to shop for that the other day after visiting Rob, but it's a depressing task and when the time came we just weren't in the mood to deal with it. Obviously, we're going to have to suck it up and get that done soon.
On a happy note, Rob's mood is improving. He's making friends at the nursing home and he told us the other day that he's starting to like it there. Of course, he's still grieving pretty hard, but at least it's no longer compounded by depression over his new living situation. His birthday is tomorrow, so we'll be taking him some treats and letting him try his new pants on for size.
I wish Bobo was doing as well as Rob, but he's still hiding out in my office and not eating very much. He was so gigantically obese when we got him that I'm not too concerned yet. He's lost weight, but he can still stand to lose more. Before the month is out I'll do a proper introductory post about him. Hopefully with pictures, if I can get him to come out of hiding long enough to get a few.
December 10, 2010
Sleepy Jean is ready for the weekend.
You guys, I'm tiiiiired. Did I say that already? Well, I still am. I've been hard at work and hyper-focused for like the last 14 days or so on building up and marketing my Web Wrangler blog, trying to sound like I'm some kind of expert that knows what she's talking about. So far I've succeeded in gathering a lot more Twitter followers, and that seems to be translating into a few more blog readers, but I'm not having a lot of luck signing new subscribers to the newsletter. I guess tons of free info isn't that much of an incentive. Eh, I need to be patient and give it more time.
But I'll give it more time next week, because I'm taking this weekend off. I worked through last weekend and I'm really feeling the lack of rest. So rest is what this weekend is all about. Well, mainly. Apart from a couple loads of laundry and finally hauling the empty Christmas ornament boxes back out to the garage, my plans don't involve much more than sleeping and reading and knitting and sipping hot cocoa and watching Christmas movies and looking at the fun, non-work parts of the Internet. Hopefully this will re-energize me enough to work straight through until Christmas Eve, because I'm taking off Christmas Eve through New Years Weekend, and I've got a lot to get done before then.
And if I've been neglecting you these last few weeks, I will try to touch base with you over the weekend. I mean it.
But I'll give it more time next week, because I'm taking this weekend off. I worked through last weekend and I'm really feeling the lack of rest. So rest is what this weekend is all about. Well, mainly. Apart from a couple loads of laundry and finally hauling the empty Christmas ornament boxes back out to the garage, my plans don't involve much more than sleeping and reading and knitting and sipping hot cocoa and watching Christmas movies and looking at the fun, non-work parts of the Internet. Hopefully this will re-energize me enough to work straight through until Christmas Eve, because I'm taking off Christmas Eve through New Years Weekend, and I've got a lot to get done before then.
And if I've been neglecting you these last few weeks, I will try to touch base with you over the weekend. I mean it.
December 6, 2010
Have a sneezy, wheezy Christmas
Well, I've been writing my 250 words a day, but it's all been on new web copy and promotional materials for my new web site, The Web Wrangler, which launched today to replace my old Task Wrangler site. You can click here to read all about the change, and while you're there you can sign up to my newsletter to be privy to all kinds of free goodies and special offers.
Man, you guys, I'm pooped. A month of intense writing followed by a week of intense focus on getting the new web site online means I'm living up to my Sleepy Jean namesake. I'm going to have to lighten up and give myself a break soon before I keel right over.
Speaking of sleepy times, the other night I had a dream with a plot that I think would have made a pretty good Angel fanfic, and I'm trying to decide whether it would translate to a non-Whedony world of my own creation. I think I'll just let that one simmer in the incubator for a spell while I focus on finishing all of last year's (and last decade's) works in progress.
In other news, last night I finally tore myself away from my new site long enough to get the Christmas decorations up. Now my living room is festive and holiday-ready, except of course it's also full of empty boxes that I haven't yet had the time or energy to gather up and haul back out to the garage. We went with a real tree again this year, a Noble Fir from Home Depot, and it may or may not be a coincidence that since we brought it home my allergies have been making me want to lie down and not do much else except just lie there and try to breathe. There have just been a couple of days like that, though (and this is one of them), so I don't know if I can really blame the tree specifically, or if it's just Oklahoma's fault in general, as is usually the case. At any rate, something in the air does not agree with my sinuses and respiratory tracts, and I do wish it would go away.
I should get some more work done so I can go get started on that lying down thing. Here's hoping your Monday is cheer-filled and allergy-free.
Man, you guys, I'm pooped. A month of intense writing followed by a week of intense focus on getting the new web site online means I'm living up to my Sleepy Jean namesake. I'm going to have to lighten up and give myself a break soon before I keel right over.
Speaking of sleepy times, the other night I had a dream with a plot that I think would have made a pretty good Angel fanfic, and I'm trying to decide whether it would translate to a non-Whedony world of my own creation. I think I'll just let that one simmer in the incubator for a spell while I focus on finishing all of last year's (and last decade's) works in progress.
In other news, last night I finally tore myself away from my new site long enough to get the Christmas decorations up. Now my living room is festive and holiday-ready, except of course it's also full of empty boxes that I haven't yet had the time or energy to gather up and haul back out to the garage. We went with a real tree again this year, a Noble Fir from Home Depot, and it may or may not be a coincidence that since we brought it home my allergies have been making me want to lie down and not do much else except just lie there and try to breathe. There have just been a couple of days like that, though (and this is one of them), so I don't know if I can really blame the tree specifically, or if it's just Oklahoma's fault in general, as is usually the case. At any rate, something in the air does not agree with my sinuses and respiratory tracts, and I do wish it would go away.
I should get some more work done so I can go get started on that lying down thing. Here's hoping your Monday is cheer-filled and allergy-free.
November 19, 2010
Believe it or not, this post is not about NaNoWriMo.
I've been thinking about how to re-structure my business to make it more profitable heading into the new year. I'm still at a point where I'm just making ends meet, and that's largely thanks to Matt's disability income and student loans, because I'm definitely not pulling in enough to set aside savings to get us through the lean times when none of my current crop of clients have anything for me. I know I can always write for Demand Studios to get us through those periods, but... ugh. I got so burned out writing for DS last summer that I don't even want to talk about it.
Really, I'm doing pretty well for only having been in business a year and a half. It generally takes most businesses two to three years to start turning a profit, so I figure if I stick with it, things are only going to get better. Part of that lies with me understanding the true value of my skills and expertise, and of the many, many, MANY hours I've put in over many years developing said skills and expertise, and getting over my bashfulness about charging what I'm worth. Because one thing I've learned is that if you charge bargain prices, you're going to attract clients that are looking for a bargain because they can't afford to pay. Whereas if you charge your full worth, you will find people and businesses that think that's perfectly reasonable and are both happy and able to pay that amount for what you can bring to the table. Which makes it a lot easier to afford things like health insurance and babies.
I also need to get over my shyness about marketing myself. I give my clients perfectly good marketing advice, but I never follow it for myself because... I don't know. I guess because it makes me feel like a jerk. A pushy, annoying jerk. And yet I don't think that about the vast majority of people I know who put themselves out there to market their books/products/services/blogs/etc. every single day. Maybe if I figure it out I can write a book or do a seminar on marketing for shy introverts. But that would be one more thing I'd have to market, so... maybe not.
On a related tangent, last night I caught up on this week's America's Next Top Model, and I'm totally on Team Ann. That girl reminds me so much of myself. Not the tall, rail-thin, extremely photogenic part, OBVS, but the shy, awkward, reserved personality part. During the acting class, when in her head she felt like she was screaming her lungs out but in reality she was making barely audible whimpering sounds? That's so me. I used to wonder why people would tell me all the time that I was so quiet and reserved, because in my head I was really putting myself out there and thought there was all kinds of inflection in my voice. But I've got kind of a flat affect, and if I try to sound "normal" I really feel like I'm shouting and acting like a complete fool. I've learned to do it anyway, especially in a business setting, but it feels so unnatural and uncomfortable and forced.
That's how self-marketing makes me feel. But I know that if I ever want to succeed in anything creative I have to get over that and learn to just go ahead and shout it out and be a fool, realizing that it only really feels that way to my miswired brain and that it looks perfectly fine to everybody else.
So I'll be working on that in the coming weeks, and hopefully I'll have a re-designed (again!) web site with all of the new info ready to launch by January. Yes, in addition to finishing my Nano novel and my How To Start a Business e-book and surviving the holidays and everything else. At least I'll be too busy to dwell on the things about this time of year that tend to make me sad.
Really, I'm doing pretty well for only having been in business a year and a half. It generally takes most businesses two to three years to start turning a profit, so I figure if I stick with it, things are only going to get better. Part of that lies with me understanding the true value of my skills and expertise, and of the many, many, MANY hours I've put in over many years developing said skills and expertise, and getting over my bashfulness about charging what I'm worth. Because one thing I've learned is that if you charge bargain prices, you're going to attract clients that are looking for a bargain because they can't afford to pay. Whereas if you charge your full worth, you will find people and businesses that think that's perfectly reasonable and are both happy and able to pay that amount for what you can bring to the table. Which makes it a lot easier to afford things like health insurance and babies.
I also need to get over my shyness about marketing myself. I give my clients perfectly good marketing advice, but I never follow it for myself because... I don't know. I guess because it makes me feel like a jerk. A pushy, annoying jerk. And yet I don't think that about the vast majority of people I know who put themselves out there to market their books/products/services/blogs/etc. every single day. Maybe if I figure it out I can write a book or do a seminar on marketing for shy introverts. But that would be one more thing I'd have to market, so... maybe not.
On a related tangent, last night I caught up on this week's America's Next Top Model, and I'm totally on Team Ann. That girl reminds me so much of myself. Not the tall, rail-thin, extremely photogenic part, OBVS, but the shy, awkward, reserved personality part. During the acting class, when in her head she felt like she was screaming her lungs out but in reality she was making barely audible whimpering sounds? That's so me. I used to wonder why people would tell me all the time that I was so quiet and reserved, because in my head I was really putting myself out there and thought there was all kinds of inflection in my voice. But I've got kind of a flat affect, and if I try to sound "normal" I really feel like I'm shouting and acting like a complete fool. I've learned to do it anyway, especially in a business setting, but it feels so unnatural and uncomfortable and forced.
That's how self-marketing makes me feel. But I know that if I ever want to succeed in anything creative I have to get over that and learn to just go ahead and shout it out and be a fool, realizing that it only really feels that way to my miswired brain and that it looks perfectly fine to everybody else.
So I'll be working on that in the coming weeks, and hopefully I'll have a re-designed (again!) web site with all of the new info ready to launch by January. Yes, in addition to finishing my Nano novel and my How To Start a Business e-book and surviving the holidays and everything else. At least I'll be too busy to dwell on the things about this time of year that tend to make me sad.
November 16, 2010
Lull.
I'm gradually climbing out from under a mountain of work. I let myself get overbooked these last few weeks, a situation I try really hard to avoid because it wreaks havoc with my work/life balance, and hence with my energy levels, my health and my overall mood. But sometimes when my clients all send me work at once I have a hard time telling some of them, "I can't do that this week," and think that I can somehow magically pull extra time out of my butt, and I end up right where I am now. Add to that trying to keep up my NaNo count and this business with my in-laws, and what you have here is a frazzled, weepy Jean who suddenly can't stop coughing.
I'm trying once again to get all of my client work done in the first half of the week so I can devote the second half to writing and family and saving my sanity. But I've hit a lull where all of my projects are on hold while I wait for feedback, so I'm using it to catch up on my writing. And I'm using the break from writing to blog. I thought about blogging a rant about our nation's health care system and how people like my in-laws tend to get screwed over by it, but I like to avoid political rants and debates on my blog (and just in general), so instead here's a Daily Show expose on anti-puppy mill legislation, because it's just like health care reform, OBVIOUSLY (snagged from Dooce).
I wish I could sick Cesar Milan on the jerks that made it so stepdad-in-law couldn't afford his meds and now has to rely on hospital welfare just to stay alive.
I'm trying once again to get all of my client work done in the first half of the week so I can devote the second half to writing and family and saving my sanity. But I've hit a lull where all of my projects are on hold while I wait for feedback, so I'm using it to catch up on my writing. And I'm using the break from writing to blog. I thought about blogging a rant about our nation's health care system and how people like my in-laws tend to get screwed over by it, but I like to avoid political rants and debates on my blog (and just in general), so instead here's a Daily Show expose on anti-puppy mill legislation, because it's just like health care reform, OBVIOUSLY (snagged from Dooce).
I wish I could sick Cesar Milan on the jerks that made it so stepdad-in-law couldn't afford his meds and now has to rely on hospital welfare just to stay alive.
September 20, 2010
Marketing & Miscellany
The Marketing:
I spent much of the weekend polishing up my online presence to appear a little more professional. Most significantly, this included updating my LinkedIn profile, changing my Tumblr blog into a portfolio for personal and practice projects, and launching JMBauhaus(.net), my new central hub which is now the easiest way to keep up with everything I'm doing online if you're inclined to do so (Big Sis).
I was forced to switch from .com to .net thanks to my stupidity in letting my jmbauhaus.com domain expire earlier this year. Dotster then wanted a hundred dollars to renew it; otherwise I had to wait 90 days for it to go back on the market. Which I decided to do, but before I could register it again some domain squatters snatched it up, and there's no telling how much they want for it, but they can just sit on it, because I don't want it badly enough to pay more than $10 for it, and I don't see anybody else wanting it, either. I'm perfectly happy being an $8 .net instead. So enjoy your worthless jmbauhaus.com domain there, squatters!
ANyway. Since I'm so enamored with the service that's hosting my new site, Flavors.me, I'm offering a very affordable Flavors.me customization package.
Another new service I'm offering is through Fiverr.com: $5 Typographical Logos. I enjoy logo design but I don't get a lot of opportunity to practice it, so hopefully this is a way to give me some practice and beef up my portfolio in that area.
I don't think I've mentioned it here, but I'm also running a contest to drum up "fans" for my Facebook business page. I'm offering a free custom Twitter background (a $60 value) to one random winner. All you have to do to enter is "like" my Task Wrangler page on Facebook and leave a comment in the discussion there declaring your entry. Click here for contest details.
So far it's working like a charm... not. Apparently nobody wants their own fancy custom Twitter background badly enough to bother clicking a "Like" button and leaving a comment. Which is to say that if you DO want your own fancy custom Twitter background, your chances of winning at this point are VERY good.
Of course, if nobody enters, that's less work for me to do, so win-win, I guess.
The Miscellany
It's officially fall now, right? Or is that tomorrow? Either way, I'm ready for this late summer we're having to get lost and leave me alone. September started out promisingly enough with a nice reprieve from the ridiculously hot weather we had in July and August, but it's gotten hot again, and I couldn't be more ready for fall weather to get here. I'm just afraid that we'll have a repeat of last year, where it pretty much skipped right over the usual great fall weather and went straight from hot and miserable to cold and crappy. We're starting to gear up for another short camping trip in October, and I've a feeling Matt will want to go no matter what, so I'm really crossing my fingers for it not to be cold and crappy all month. Come on, October. Show me why you were always my favorite month.
To help beat the heat and get myself in a fall state of mine, I've been watching a lot of spooky stuff, i.e. horror movies and Ghost Hunters. I don't know why scary stuff puts me in mind of fall--I guess it's because for me fall = Halloween. At any rate, I'm in the mood these days for safe scares. This will probably come back to bite me when we're camping next month and I find myself having to go out into the darkness by myself in the middle of the night for a potty emergency.
It's also that time of year for me to decide whether I'll be doing NaNoWriMo, and if so, what will I be writing? Right now I'm kind of leaning towards giving it a pass this year. Last year I started out gang-busters, hitting about 20,000 words in the first week before I found out I was pregnant, and all of the baby drama ensued, and my focus went right out the window. If I do it this year I'll either invoke the Zokutou Clause and finish Dominion of the Damned, or challenge myself to write a collection of memoirs and personal essays all month.
If I do the latter, I figure I'll post them here as I go and then maybe collect the good ones into a chap book or see if any of them are good enough for the magazine market. The problem is that I just can't seem to get excited about writing -- which might be all the more reason why I should sign up for 'WriMo. It might also make a good distraction from the fact that baby #2 would've been due the first week of November, which I'm already starting to struggle with a little... which probably explains my current ambivalence toward writing, and toward NaNoWriMo in particular. I remember thinking that there was no way I'd be able to do it this year because I'd be busy taking care of a newborn baby, so the fact that there's really no reason for me not to do it makes me pretty sad.
In less depressing news, these past two weeks I've pretty much had my head down, brushing up on my web design skills and learning new software and new techniques to prepare for a web site overhaul for a new client. I've been learning a lot, but I haven't been doing much else, and the imbalance is starting to wear on me. I'm beginning to feel lethargic and headachey all the time, and I'm already putting the weight back on that I managed to shed over the summer. So starting today I've got to start forcing myself to make time for regular workouts again. Between the new TV season kicking off in full force this week and Matt's recent habit of spending his evenings holed up in the bedroom to study, it should be pretty easy for me to start parking myself on the stationary bike in front of the TV every night.
What about you guys? Are any of you doing 'WriMo this year? If so, do you know what you'll be working on?
I was forced to switch from .com to .net thanks to my stupidity in letting my jmbauhaus.com domain expire earlier this year. Dotster then wanted a hundred dollars to renew it; otherwise I had to wait 90 days for it to go back on the market. Which I decided to do, but before I could register it again some domain squatters snatched it up, and there's no telling how much they want for it, but they can just sit on it, because I don't want it badly enough to pay more than $10 for it, and I don't see anybody else wanting it, either. I'm perfectly happy being an $8 .net instead. So enjoy your worthless jmbauhaus.com domain there, squatters!
ANyway. Since I'm so enamored with the service that's hosting my new site, Flavors.me, I'm offering a very affordable Flavors.me customization package.
Another new service I'm offering is through Fiverr.com: $5 Typographical Logos. I enjoy logo design but I don't get a lot of opportunity to practice it, so hopefully this is a way to give me some practice and beef up my portfolio in that area.
I don't think I've mentioned it here, but I'm also running a contest to drum up "fans" for my Facebook business page. I'm offering a free custom Twitter background (a $60 value) to one random winner. All you have to do to enter is "like" my Task Wrangler page on Facebook and leave a comment in the discussion there declaring your entry. Click here for contest details.
So far it's working like a charm... not. Apparently nobody wants their own fancy custom Twitter background badly enough to bother clicking a "Like" button and leaving a comment. Which is to say that if you DO want your own fancy custom Twitter background, your chances of winning at this point are VERY good.
Of course, if nobody enters, that's less work for me to do, so win-win, I guess.
The Miscellany
It's officially fall now, right? Or is that tomorrow? Either way, I'm ready for this late summer we're having to get lost and leave me alone. September started out promisingly enough with a nice reprieve from the ridiculously hot weather we had in July and August, but it's gotten hot again, and I couldn't be more ready for fall weather to get here. I'm just afraid that we'll have a repeat of last year, where it pretty much skipped right over the usual great fall weather and went straight from hot and miserable to cold and crappy. We're starting to gear up for another short camping trip in October, and I've a feeling Matt will want to go no matter what, so I'm really crossing my fingers for it not to be cold and crappy all month. Come on, October. Show me why you were always my favorite month.
To help beat the heat and get myself in a fall state of mine, I've been watching a lot of spooky stuff, i.e. horror movies and Ghost Hunters. I don't know why scary stuff puts me in mind of fall--I guess it's because for me fall = Halloween. At any rate, I'm in the mood these days for safe scares. This will probably come back to bite me when we're camping next month and I find myself having to go out into the darkness by myself in the middle of the night for a potty emergency.
It's also that time of year for me to decide whether I'll be doing NaNoWriMo, and if so, what will I be writing? Right now I'm kind of leaning towards giving it a pass this year. Last year I started out gang-busters, hitting about 20,000 words in the first week before I found out I was pregnant, and all of the baby drama ensued, and my focus went right out the window. If I do it this year I'll either invoke the Zokutou Clause and finish Dominion of the Damned, or challenge myself to write a collection of memoirs and personal essays all month.
If I do the latter, I figure I'll post them here as I go and then maybe collect the good ones into a chap book or see if any of them are good enough for the magazine market. The problem is that I just can't seem to get excited about writing -- which might be all the more reason why I should sign up for 'WriMo. It might also make a good distraction from the fact that baby #2 would've been due the first week of November, which I'm already starting to struggle with a little... which probably explains my current ambivalence toward writing, and toward NaNoWriMo in particular. I remember thinking that there was no way I'd be able to do it this year because I'd be busy taking care of a newborn baby, so the fact that there's really no reason for me not to do it makes me pretty sad.
In less depressing news, these past two weeks I've pretty much had my head down, brushing up on my web design skills and learning new software and new techniques to prepare for a web site overhaul for a new client. I've been learning a lot, but I haven't been doing much else, and the imbalance is starting to wear on me. I'm beginning to feel lethargic and headachey all the time, and I'm already putting the weight back on that I managed to shed over the summer. So starting today I've got to start forcing myself to make time for regular workouts again. Between the new TV season kicking off in full force this week and Matt's recent habit of spending his evenings holed up in the bedroom to study, it should be pretty easy for me to start parking myself on the stationary bike in front of the TV every night.
What about you guys? Are any of you doing 'WriMo this year? If so, do you know what you'll be working on?
September 3, 2010
Whip It Good
I just had a client have to remind me that this is a holiday weekend when I tried to schedule a conference call for Monday. That might be sad, but not as sad as the fact that what's exciting me most about the prospect of an extended weekend is finally having time to clean my house. Not that I'm such a clean freak that putting the emphasis on the "labor" part of this particular holiday fills me with joy; but our house still hasn't recovered from our camping trip last month, and I can't even remember the last time I vacuumed the carpet. This house needs some serious whipping into shape, and it looks like I'll finally have time to do the whipping.
Of course, I shall have to do it all whilst wearing my new t-shirt.
And if I'm really feeling ambitious I might even tackle the mountain in the garage that represents two years' worth of backed up recycling -- the first step in converting the garage from a big space to throw the crap we don't want to deal with into an organized haven for craft supplies and camping gear. Party on!
This month is shaping up to be a pretty good one, work-wise. It never ceases to amaze me the way freelancing is always feast or famine. Never does it happen that one client needs something one week, and another the next, and so on so that I've got a steady stream of work and nobody's ever competing for my time. Instead it always happens that most -- if not all -- of them have major projects that need done all at the same time, or hardly anybody needs anything from me at all. Right now I'm looking at a feast of web design and VA work, so that's going to be keeping me busy for the next few weeks.
Gotta say I'm relieved, because as much as I appreciate that Demand Studios is there to get me through the famine times, it's definitely not my favorite gig, probably because it's the one that requires the most mentally taxing work for the least pay. After a long day of struggling to focus enough to research and write just a few articles, I'm always too mentally fried to do anything else. I'm feeling energized just thinking about having some truly creative work on my plate again. Even so, I'm going to try to keep doing at least a few DS articles a week, just to ensure I'll have a steady, if small, paycheck to buffer against the unsteady nature of freelance pay.
Somewhere in all this working and cleaning, I've got to be sure to get outside and enjoy this perfect fall-like weather we're having. This would, of course, be a lot easier if Matt would let me take the laptop out on the patio, but he's afraid I'll smash it to bits on the concrete and then we'll have to spend a big chunk of money to replace it. And he does have a point -- I do tend to be accident prone, and I wish I could say that I don't have a history of expensive accidents, but... well, let's just say I don't have solid ground on which to argue in favor of ever leaving the house with my laptop. So if I want to go out I guess I'll just have to leave the computer behind and, like, get some exercise or something. How novel!
Of course, I shall have to do it all whilst wearing my new t-shirt.
And if I'm really feeling ambitious I might even tackle the mountain in the garage that represents two years' worth of backed up recycling -- the first step in converting the garage from a big space to throw the crap we don't want to deal with into an organized haven for craft supplies and camping gear. Party on!
This month is shaping up to be a pretty good one, work-wise. It never ceases to amaze me the way freelancing is always feast or famine. Never does it happen that one client needs something one week, and another the next, and so on so that I've got a steady stream of work and nobody's ever competing for my time. Instead it always happens that most -- if not all -- of them have major projects that need done all at the same time, or hardly anybody needs anything from me at all. Right now I'm looking at a feast of web design and VA work, so that's going to be keeping me busy for the next few weeks.
Gotta say I'm relieved, because as much as I appreciate that Demand Studios is there to get me through the famine times, it's definitely not my favorite gig, probably because it's the one that requires the most mentally taxing work for the least pay. After a long day of struggling to focus enough to research and write just a few articles, I'm always too mentally fried to do anything else. I'm feeling energized just thinking about having some truly creative work on my plate again. Even so, I'm going to try to keep doing at least a few DS articles a week, just to ensure I'll have a steady, if small, paycheck to buffer against the unsteady nature of freelance pay.
Somewhere in all this working and cleaning, I've got to be sure to get outside and enjoy this perfect fall-like weather we're having. This would, of course, be a lot easier if Matt would let me take the laptop out on the patio, but he's afraid I'll smash it to bits on the concrete and then we'll have to spend a big chunk of money to replace it. And he does have a point -- I do tend to be accident prone, and I wish I could say that I don't have a history of expensive accidents, but... well, let's just say I don't have solid ground on which to argue in favor of ever leaving the house with my laptop. So if I want to go out I guess I'll just have to leave the computer behind and, like, get some exercise or something. How novel!
August 19, 2010
How Jeanie Got Her Groove Lack
This has not been the best week for me, productivity-wise. It got off to a rocky start on Monday when we spent over an hour trying to jump-start Matt's truck before finally giving up and deciding it needs a new battery. After that I still had several errands to run, and by the time I finally sat down to work, my focus was shot and I was good for nothing.
Tuesday was better. I spent all day writing articles for Demand Studios, which is pretty much my full-time job until my business picks back up. I wrote enough for a decent day's pay, but I was still frustrated because I could have done more if I didn't have focus issues. I know there are people on there who can hammer out 10 articles or more a day. I've never been able to manage more than five--which is really enough to make ends meet, but wouldn't it be nice if I could write enough to actually make some extra money for a change? Sigh.
Yesterday I actually managed to knock out a couple of articles despite not being home most of the day. Thanks to an online ordering screw-up with the university bookstore, we had to drive to the campus 45 minutes away in my hometown to pick up one of Matt's textbooks so he can study for a test on Friday. And since we were in town we figured we might as well visit my mom, which was lovely, but there went any chance I had of getting more than two articles, or anything else, done that day.
Which brings us to today. And here I am blogging instead of article writing, but I have to figure out how to fit blogging in somehow. I haven't even had time to think about topics for my Task Wrangler blog, which is no way to build up a readership for that one. And don't even get me started on the state of my house, which still looks like a camp site blew up all over it a week and a half after our return. It was great and necessary for us to get away for our little camping holiday, but it totally messed up my groove, and I'm still struggling to get it back. And of course Matt's ready to go camping again as soon as the weather cools off and his schoolwork lightens up a bit, so most likely I'll find my groove again just in time for that to happen, because that's the way these things go. Such is life.
Tuesday was better. I spent all day writing articles for Demand Studios, which is pretty much my full-time job until my business picks back up. I wrote enough for a decent day's pay, but I was still frustrated because I could have done more if I didn't have focus issues. I know there are people on there who can hammer out 10 articles or more a day. I've never been able to manage more than five--which is really enough to make ends meet, but wouldn't it be nice if I could write enough to actually make some extra money for a change? Sigh.
Yesterday I actually managed to knock out a couple of articles despite not being home most of the day. Thanks to an online ordering screw-up with the university bookstore, we had to drive to the campus 45 minutes away in my hometown to pick up one of Matt's textbooks so he can study for a test on Friday. And since we were in town we figured we might as well visit my mom, which was lovely, but there went any chance I had of getting more than two articles, or anything else, done that day.
Which brings us to today. And here I am blogging instead of article writing, but I have to figure out how to fit blogging in somehow. I haven't even had time to think about topics for my Task Wrangler blog, which is no way to build up a readership for that one. And don't even get me started on the state of my house, which still looks like a camp site blew up all over it a week and a half after our return. It was great and necessary for us to get away for our little camping holiday, but it totally messed up my groove, and I'm still struggling to get it back. And of course Matt's ready to go camping again as soon as the weather cools off and his schoolwork lightens up a bit, so most likely I'll find my groove again just in time for that to happen, because that's the way these things go. Such is life.
July 24, 2010
How Is a Turtle Like a Tree?
Apparently one turtle missed the memo, because on Wednesday morning, while I was eating breakfast, it strolled right up onto my patio and settled in to chill. I squeed so hard I almost choked on my Kashi, then ran outside to pounce on it. I couldn't believe it. A turtle! On my back porch! In the middle of the city! What are the odds?
It was good timing, too, because I'd already planned to take the day off to give my wrist a break. So as soon as I could I set to work McGuyvering an outdoor habitat out of things we already had around the house and yard, which included flowerbed fencing, plastic chicken "wire", bread ties and paper clips. Yes, I actually used paperclips to hold the chicken wire in place, and it worked like a charm. Add a bowl sunk into the ground for a "pond" and a half-log Matt had left over from his reptile-keeping bachelor days, and it turned out to be a pretty nice, if small, turtle habitat.
Since she literally walked into my life, I've been doing a lot of research on box turtles, and here is what I've learned:
- How to tell the sex of a turtle - her yellow eyes, shortish claws and convex bottom shell tell me that she's a she (you can also tell by looking under the tail, but I won't get into that here - this is a family blog).
- How to tell the approximate age of a turtle - this is the answer to the title riddle. Turtles have growth rings on their shells that you can count to get a good idea of their age. Going by this, she's 4-6 years old (a couple of the rings were faint enough that I wasn't sure whether they should be counted, hence the +/- 2 years margin of error). She'll live around 30 years, so it's a pretty major commitment if we decide to keep her.
- She's an ornate box turtle and as such won't get any bigger (her shell's about 4 inches long), and she needs a drier habitat than other turtle varieties.
- I have to feed her bugs, which is gross, and she particularly likes roly-polies, which is just sad. Hopefully I'll manage to get her outdoor habitat populated with enough of these that she can hunt them on her own and I won't have to feed them to her.
She's pretty neat, and I'm having a lot of fun with her. If we end up having to give her up to keep her happy, I'll definitely have to start saving my pennies to buy a captive-bred turtle. But she already seems to be getting pretty comfortable with the ridiculously pampered lifestyle that goes with being our pet. I have a feeling she's going to stick around for the long-haul.
***
In other news, I haven't blogged all week mainly because my tendonitis has been flaring up a lot lately, and I can't type for very long without pain. I've also been having to write a lot of eHow articles for Demand Studios to help make ends meet while business has slowed down for the summer, and that's pretty well pushing me beyond my pain tolerance threshold. Any time I can make for blogging is mainly going to my new Task Wrangler blog, and I'm only managing to post there once a week.
As a compromise to tide me over until my wrist quits acting up, I've started a Tumblr blog, "Falling In the In Between", meaning that if it's too big for Twitter but not really appropriate for here, it goes there.
And now I have to go write some more articles to make up for Wednesday's turtle-centric slackitude.
July 8, 2010
Rainy Day Cleaning Spree
I've been meaning to clean it up for a while now, in the hopes that I might work a little more efficiently if I'm not constantly having to clear a space for my laptop every time I sit down. What motivated me to finally do it today was a sudden desire to bring plants into my office, and to not have them be eaten by the cats once I do.
I don't actually have any plants ready to bring in yet, but I've started to propagate some cuttings from other plants in the house. They're currently hanging out in the little windowsill garden we've got happening in the kitchen.
Those plants are, from left: jade, cilantro, African violet, English ivy, and sweet basil. The ivy is what's being prepped for my office - it's my first experiment in trying to get cuttings to grow roots in water. If this attempt is a success, I'll try it with the violet and a begonia my Big Sis sent home with me yesterday (not pictured).
I'd like to eventually duplicate the windowsill garden in my office window. The only trouble with that is, all of those plants are toxic when eaten, and my office is a hangout for plant-eating cats. To that end, I've rearranged some things to start training them that the windowsill is off-limits. Which breaks my heart a little, because they love to perch up there and bird-watch. But seeing as how they knock over something on my desk every single time they get up there without fail, I'm cool with taking away their windowsill privileges.
And so, for now I've filled the sill with so much stuff that they can't get up there. I moved my writing & editing reference books up there, putting them within easier reach, which also freed up some shelf space for my growing paperback collection. Hopefully, the rest of the tchotchkes lining the sill can be traded out for plants once the cats are used to the window being off-limits. As for my desk, it's organized and clutter-free, and there's plenty of room for the cats to lounge while they're pouting about being barred from the windowsill.
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