I'm Shot!

I don't like needles. I have generally been a big baby over this. When I was a kid, I usually had to be physically restrained for shots, to the point that the process of getting me to hold still was way more traumatic than the actual shot.

By the time I was seventeen and getting a shot of local anesthetic so that my hand could be sewn up after a particularly lucky car accident (in which the car was so badly totaled that it was lucky we survived at all, let alone that the only injury was a cut on my hand), I was mature enough to hold still on my own, but still fearful enough that I passed out on the table when the HI-LARIOUS comedian of an emergency room doctor, after I told him that I would be fine as long as I didn't see the needle, proceeded to hold up a SIX-INCH LONG needle before me and pretend that that was the one I was getting.

That was the last shot I received for a while. Soon after that I was old enough that nobody could make me get a shot, so I didn't. I got through my entire twenties without having any need for one. I had blood drawn now and then, but for some reason that never bothered me the way shots do. I eschewed flu shots whenever they were offered, claiming when pressured that I was afraid the shot's side effects would make me sicker than I would likely get otherwise. I took a lot of zinc and vitamin C and for the most part this has been somewhat true.

Cut to today. My company is giving out free flu shots, along with cheap B12 shots. I figure, I'm thirty-three now. I'm a big girl, one who has responsibilities and plans who can't afford to get sick. By now I've known and survived real pain. A measly little shot needle can't hurt me. Much. Besides, I bit the bullet and got that hepatitis A shot before the cruise, and that was fine. Plus I could really use the B12 energy boost. So I signed up.

I went down about an hour ago to line up for my shots. A nice woman I'd never seen around here before was before me in line, and she told me I was welcome to cut in front of her. Turns out she's scared of needles too. So we commiserated about our shared phobia while looking everywhere except at the people who were getting shots ahead of us, and the comedian behind us who kept hollering, "Look at the size of that thing!" Ha. Ha. Shut up, Wedge.

Finally, it was our turn. I had to fill out consent forms, and while I was doing so my phobia buddy got her shot and left, so I didn't see how it went for her. I was too focused on the little clause about potential side effects, namely the part about possible allergic reactions RESULTING IN DEATH.

….

Yeah.

But I braved ahead and went through with it. And you know what? It hurt. They both hurt. When I got my hep A shot? That stung a little, but it was no big. That nurse knew what she was doing, and I was still bracing for the prick when she was slapping on a band-aid and handing me my walking papers.

Not so with this shot lady. I felt the needle going in, I felt it sitting there inside my arm while she slowly pressed the plunger, and I felt it coming out again. Ow, ow, and OW!

Times two!

And yet, when it was over, I was proud of myself. Both my shoulders are sore, but only because I'm being an adult and taking charge of my health. Go team me. I feel fantastic.

But wait. What is this tingling in my fingers? Why does my entire flu shot arm ache? My B12 arm isn't doing any of that. Is this normal? I'm scared. Googling side effects gave me testimonials about symptoms ranging from arm pain lingering for days to severe back pain to TOTAL FRACKING PARALYSIS.

Well, son of a whore.

If it turns out that my old made up excuse for not getting a flu shot comes true, I'm going to… I don't know. Probably cry and whine ineffectually. But I can tell you what I won't be doing, and that's getting a not-completely-necessary shot of any kind ever again, ever.

You know, sometimes, fear is healthy. It's there to protect you and ensure your survival. It doesn't need to be overcome. I'm starting to think that this was one of those times.