I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up, once after a nightmare about that scary little well girl that evolved into a night terror wherein I woke up believing that some invisible evil entity at the end of my bed had hold of both my ankles and wouldn't let them go. Good times! I had another hot toddy before I went to sleep in the hopes of knocking out the rest of the chest crud I've been dealing with (it worked, for the most part), but after such a restless night I'm now thinking that maybe alcoholic beverages at bed time aren't the best idea. Especially considering I also kept having to get up to go pee.
Last night's insomnia means today's lack of focus. I got off to a good start, but then I kind of petered out and stopped doing work altogether. I've got a stack of checks and invoices on my desk that really need to be dealt with, but every now and then I glance over at them, feel a pang of guilt, and go back to surfing. I'm useless today. So I'll eat my Zone-friendly lunch (another egg-fu salad half-sandwich and a V8) and take my ADD chill pills and then maybe after my break I'll be able to make myself crack down and earn my keep around here. It doesn't help that I forgot to bring a mug again and so I still can't have coffee. Another day of cheating on my soda fast might be in order. I'mma get cranky if I don't get caffienated soon.
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This post, my friends, offers some good gender-relational advice. I'll let you go read it--go ahead, I can wait. Done? Good--and then I'll say this: Guys? Seriously, all we want at times like this is for you to hold our hands, or maybe even put your arms around us, and lest us cry and vent and get it all out of our systems. Don't try to fix things for us, or tell us how we can fix it. Don't even try to understand, because chances are you're just not gonna. Just listen, and be sympathetic, and let us know that it's okay and that you still love us and still think we're great no matter what. Then when we're done we can suck it up and laugh it off and everybody can get on with their evening in peace. Yes, it's wacky, but that's just the way it is.
Matt's learning this. And, by the by, that post, as many posts on that blog do, makes me appreciate how much I really lucked out. But he's finally learning not to take my meltdowns personally or to try and do anything about them other than just to hold me and let me cry it out and then assure me that he still thinks I'm awesome and pretty and he still loves me and that if I want to talk it over some more he's there for me. I had just such a meltdown last night when, on top of hurting from cramps all day and feeling like crap from the chest thing and having poor self esteem from looking as bad as I felt and smarting a little from a minor disagreement over the cell phone bill, it was time to go home, and the thought of having to get up off the couch and go out in the cold and drive for forty minutes instead of just being able to go to bed there was too much and I lost it and broke down in tears. And he was really, really sweet about it. What's more, this morning when I apologized for my meltdown he was totally perplexed as to why I would even feel the need to apologize. When I pointed out that a lot of guys just don't have the patience that he does for that sort of thing, he thought that I must be wrong about that, because the guy simply has no idea just how rare and wonderful he is. But I do, and I always appreciate a good reminder, because I never want to take him for granted or forget what a truly incredible guy he is. In short: I love Matt.
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On a final and completely unrelated note, my dear Fenwic just pointed out that somebody has created a convenient satellite feed of this blog for LJ. Thanks, someone. Also, just a reminder that if you comment in the feed on your f-list, I'll never see it, let alone be able to respond to it. You have to come to this page and comment in order for me to see it.
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