He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. —Psalm 113:9

November 4, 2010


So. Today would have been Baby #2's due date. It's weighing on me, but not as much as I expected. I think having NaNoWriMo as a distraction is helping, and between that and work I just don't have time to sit around and dwell on what might have been, which is a good thing, because boy, do I know how to dwell on things. I can't completely avoid thinking about it, though, and it's hard not to imagine how different our lives would be right now if I hadn't miscarried. Either time.

For those who are wondering, we are planning to try again, eventually. I still need to get health insurance, and the only private health insurer with a maternity plan that I've been able to find is Blue Cross, and they make you carry the maternity benefit for a full year before you're allowed to actually use it. Which is frustrating, but it's probably ultimately a good thing. It will keep us from rushing into anything, and it gives us plenty of time for me to get the testing done to try finding out why the miscarriages happened, and if there's any way to prevent it from happening again. It also gives us both plenty of time to get both ourselves and our finances in good shape.

So for now, we're hopeful that a baby is still in the cards for us a little way down the road. I'm just going to hold onto that hope while I take the future one step at a time.

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