But I think what ultimately helped me make the decision was taking a long, hard look at myself and admitting that I don't have the patience, or the thick skin, to go the traditional publishing route. I'm not good at waiting, I'm even worse with rejection, and I just don't have the grit and determination that it takes to keep banging my head against the gates of traditional publishing until I bust through. I'm also drawn to the DIY and entrepreneurial spirit of self-publishing, and yes, to the control, to the feeling that my writing career is completely in my own hands. All in all, I think this combination of factors makes me a good fit for self-publishing.
And there's also the fact that I just want people to be able to read my stories, whether I make any money from them or not. I think all those years writing fan fiction pretty well ruined me that way, even if original fiction doesn't come with the totally addictive, instantly gratifying cult of feedback that follows fan fiction.
Of course, this decision is fraught with questions and fears. I've been doing a lot of research on the matter lately, and I have even more questions and feel more overwhelmed than when I started. There's the fear-based questions, such as, will anyone actually read my work? Will I be able to find an audience? Will I be taken seriously as a writer? And then there are the more practical questions like, should I start a new writing blog or website, since this one has morphed into a grief and infertility journal? Is there any room left here for my writing? Should I just revive my Livejournal, which was supposed to be a writing journal in the first place? And is it a good idea or a bad idea to keep posting Dominion as I write it? Is it a good way to generate interest, or am I just shooting myself in the foot when it comes to future sales?
So many questions. And then there's all of the work. Writing the book is only the beginning. I'll have to be my own editor and formatter and cover designer, until I can afford to hire those tasks out. I'll have to be my own marketing and PR person, too, and I really suck at that stuff. I'm so shy, even online, and even when I can make myself get over it, I don't really know how to reach people. I'm always so afraid of giving offense. I definitely need to learn how to get out of my own way on this front.
So this is kind of a big, scary decision. I feel like it might be a life-altering decision. Then again, it might not be--that's the part that truly scares me. But I have to try. Really, I have nothing to lose, except for hours and hours of time and wasted effort. At least it ought to keep me distracted from baby limbo. And no doubt I'll also pick up some new skills that should come in handy over at The Web Wrangler.
If you have any advice or input, especially about whether I should start a new blog for all of this, I'm all
