Thinking Out Loud About Project Baby

I've been feeling run down and blah the last few days. I'm realizing that this happens every month and I'm just now beginning to wonder if it has something to do with my cycle. I really need to educate myself about how all of that works and how to track everything. I never bothered in the past, because GETTING pregnant was never the problem--STAYING pregnant was. But it did take almost 9 months to happen after going off of birth control the first time, and as I inch ever closer to 40 I realize that there are no guarantees, and with my PCOS I really should get to know what's going on with my oven. I want to get the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which has been recommended to me often, before we start Project Baby.

I think we've decided to wait until the holidays are over to start that. As slim as the chances are that I'd get pregnant right away if we started before then, after the last two tragedy-filled Christmases I just want to get through one Christmas without either worrying or mourning. I also want to be able to relax and enjoy the holiday food without worrying about every single thing I put in my mouth. So I'm trying to get my weight down to at least 160 before Thanksgiving, and then I'll just focus on maintaining for the rest of the year. Once I go off BC I should still have time to lose another 10 pounds or so while I wait for it to get out of my system. I want it to be low enough that I won't have to worry about pregnancy weight gain pushing my glucose back up into the unhealthy range.

With all of that said, I'm actually really looking forward to the holidays this year, in spite of the sadness that's built into it. I feel extremely hopeful that this will be our last childless holiday season--that by next Christmas, if we don't actually have a baby yet, at least I'll have a healthy bump. So I feel like, if fate allows, we should do our best to relax and enjoy what could possibly--God willing--be the last holiday season where it's just the two of us and our furbabies.

Three cheers for optimism!