He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. —Psalm 113:9

March 25, 2011


Tomorrow will mark a full week of Project Oven Repair, a full week during which I've had no sweets and 95% of my meals have consisted mainly of vegetables and lean protein, I've been taking prenatal vitamins and tons of fish oil, and I've been working out consistently; and I have to say that, physically, I'm already feeling about a million times better. I have more energy, I'm sleeping better, and I'm pretty sure I've lost a couple of pounds.

And of course this is having a positive impact on my emotional state. I'm still weepy, but I'm feeling more hopeful about everything, and better able to cope. With everything that's happened lately, I expect that it will take more than a new diet to get past the sad days. There's just so much to be sad about, and it hits us both in waves. Like yesterday, when out of the blue I started crying over Bobo, which led to more crying over Rob, which led to still more crying over Mom. It was a crying snowball. A tearball. Or maybe more like a snot ball. Anyway, I cried. A lot.

And then somebody compliments my song, or tells me that they're praying about the baby situation, and that makes me weepy, too. And next week, of course, is the anniversary that I'm struggling with. I'd make plans to do something nice for myself on that day, but I'm not sure which day to do it on, since it was drawn out over 4 days. On the 29th I started spotting, on the 31st I got the ultrasound that confirmed the miscarriage, and on April 1st I had the D&C. Talk about April Fool's.

So which of those days actually counts as the anniversary? I guess if I have to pick one it would be anniversary of the D&C, since that finalized it. So I'm going to try to do something nice for myself that day, although I don't know what yet, since our funds are still pretty limited. Maybe I'll give myself a home pedicure. Lord knows my feet could use it.

You know, when this post started it was going to be all about my diet and what I'm doing to get healthy, but then it turned left at Albuquerque and headed straight for the sad place. Sigh.

1 comment:

Hope said...

(((Hugs))) Anniversaries can be so hard. I haven't actually gotten to the year anniversary of any of my losses, but I've mentally and emotionally marked the monthly anniversaries. With the first two, picking a date was obvious and easy. With the 3rd one, I had a four day stretch of things going downhill, too. I picked the first day of that time as the anniversary, but I still went through a lot of grief on the following days, as well, at the one month mark.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you want to pick one day, chose the one that feels right for you, but don't be surprised if the grief spills over into other days as well.

I also wanted to say that you're diet and lifestyle changes sound like they're having a big impact. I'm doing some similar things, myself (which I'll probably be blogging about soon). I'm amazed at how much difference a few simple changes in my habits can make to my overall wellbeing. :-)

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