Today is a tough one, I won't lie. There's just so much to be sad about today: missing Matt's mom who's no longer with us, missing our babies who never got to be with us, and that heartbreaking longing that I battle every day seems to be cutting just a bit deeper.
We're trying to stay distracted and keep our minds occupied with less upsetting things, treating this like just another day. Matt's reading, and I've caught up on my shows for the week, and I have writing and housekeeping to keep me busy for the rest of the day. And yet I still have to call my mom and wish her a happy day and thank her for being awesome.
I received a really touching text message from my Big Sis, saying that she thinks it's appropriate to tell me Happy Mother's Day, that I am and will be a great mom. It made me cry--just typing that is making me tear up all over again--but in the good way. Well, in a mixed-feeling kind of way, really, but mostly good. It definitely feels good to have someone acknowledge my children. I might not have given birth to them or had the opportunity to see or touch them, but that makes them no less real to me. It always helps when other people acknowledge them as real, too.
So here's to the moms out there today, but here's also to the forgotten, those who have lost their moms, and who've lost their children, who are still fighting their own personal hell in the battle to become mothers, and those who have retreated from the battlefield to nurse their wounds and find a way to carry on in the face of shattered dreams. You are not forgotten, and you are not alone.