He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. —Psalm 113:9

July 1, 2011

How Low Can You Go?

We're still stuck in limbo land, and the tedium of it all is getting to both of us. I think what we really need is a vacation to take our minds off of all of this waiting for things to change so we can take action and start moving forward. We're trying to plan a camping trip, but it keeps not coming together (case in point: we'd hoped to spend the holiday weekend at the lake, but that didn't pan out for various reasons), and at this point it will probably have to wait until Matt's done recovering from gallbladder surgery.

That's right--Matt had his ultrasound last week, and they found gallstones. We don't know for certain yet whether he'll need surgery, but it seems likely. He has an appointment with a specialist next Wednesday, and then we'll go from there. With his medical history and all of its resultant anxieties, he's really not keen on the prospect of surgery, so if any of y'all who pray could add him to your list, he could sure use prayers for peace.

But while that's stressful, on the other hand there's relief that it's "only" gallstones. We could tell by the technician's post-US change in demeanor that something was up, and were fearful that it might be much, much worse. So it feels a little like we dodged a bullet there. But even so, he still has pain on his left side (which is the opposite side of his gallbladder) that they have yet to explain. So we're still praying that if there's anything to be found on that side, they will find it, and it will be something treatable.

In POR news, my scales seem to be stuck at 170. I do feel like I'm losing fat, though (and building muscle tone, which is probably why I'm not registering more weight loss), unlike when I was plateaued at 173 for a month. But considering I still need to lose 20-30 more pounds before I'll feel comfortable about trying to conceive, the slowness with which it's coming off is frustrating. BUT! I can fit into my size 12 shorts now, albeit with a slight muffin top. That bit's pretty encouraging. And with my height I look pretty all right at a size 12.

Anyway, I started taking NAC this week, so we'll see if that makes a difference re: how fast the weight comes off.

One thing that has changed, though, is that I'm full of hope. I can actually picture myself big and pregnant, and as a parent. And I've reached a place where I can read online about other women's babies and pregnancies and feel happy for them and only feel a mild stab of sorrow for myself, instead of being totally engulfed in grief and self-pity. And I can see pregnant women at the grocery store without getting depressed. I don't know yet about being around all of the young mommies and mommies-to-be in my offline social circle, but I am planning to attend my niece-in-law's baby shower, and I'm even planning to crochet a baby blanket for her. That is HUGE progress.


Cynthia said...

Positive thoughts on all the health related stuff.  Glad to see you've turned the corner and are in a more positive mind space.  That goes a long way to making things better.

Jean Bauhaus said...

Thank you, Cynthia. Positive vibes are appreciated muchly.

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